Matrimonial garage

I am a bachelor, young, naive and a dreamer. I seek a car with exceptional qualities. Not just any boy toy but a car with character, grace and the right amount of thrill.

The qualities I seek in the ideal car are mentioned in great detail and are as rare as a McLaren F1 but they are by no means exhaustive…or compulsory. And they are most certainly undeserved. I do promise though that I will not, under any circumstances, pimp my ride. And after all is said and done, the important thing to know is I just want a car that can soothe my motor to idle when I feel like stripping the gears.



What I seek is the style of an Aston DB9, the passion of a Ferrari, the comfort of a Mercedes, the cuteness of a Mini Cooper, the smoothness of a Maybach. As curvacious as a Porsche, she should have the class of a Rolls Royce, the efficiency of a Volkswagen, and be as dependable as a Honda. As sensuous as a Vanquish, with the chutzpah of a Carrera GT she should be as graceful as a classic. With the presence of a Phantom, the animal in a Mustang GT, as low profile as an Audi, her strength should be of a Range Rover. She should have the purr of a Jaguar, be as conservative as a Bentley, with the spirit of a Bug and her wheels on the ground like an F1. I want the driving ease of a BMW, the ooomph of a Lamborghini, the versatility of a Cayenne Turbo and the low maintenance of a Toyota.

No, non, nyet to gas guzzlers, big bodied trucks, cramped interiors, blindingly flashy chrome machines, weak engined, smoke/steam emitters and broken-in transmissions.



Country of origin no bar. No preference for American, British or Canadian backgrounds. Color no bar; she may be white, black, brown, pink or yellow….heck, she can be blushing red when she’s under the covers in the garage. But her lights should be bright, shining, sparkling Xenon.

Engine must be zero-meter, healthy, powerful, water-cooled, high capacity, strong yet light, with standard valves and a lifetime warranty. It should be good for long drives and rocky terrain and modifiable for greater power. Automatic timing adjustor preferred. Engine might have come from another vendor as long as it’s currently reconditioned but transmission has to be brand new.

Clean, classy, sophisticated interior. Brand new not necessary as long as it smells new. Comfortable seating for two with available space for kids. High visibility windows, tinted not a prerequisite. Generous capacity for luggage. Roomy, feel-good, soothing interior with designated driver seat shaped like a throne and passenger seat in close proximity with no skeleton-closet-box in between. The cars audio system has to be excellent and be able to calm frazzled nerves.

Optionals and accessories include standard auto fire extinguisher in case of flaring emergencies, cruise control for reigning in the rash driver, highly intelligent navigation and guidance system, standard air bags, emergency assist brake handling, and speed sensor kit. Comfortable and soft head rest very important as is the built in massager. Child protection locks and standard seat belts inclusive.

The car should feature spontaneous transmission, a light clutch, stable handling, skid control, responsive acceleration, low fuel consumption, accurate temperature gauge, and ease of maneuverability. It might have a spare fuel energy chamber. Good wipers and windshield heater are a must for clearing visibility. Stability in bad weather conditions very important, must not fog up too often or heat up unless the weather outside is extremely hot.

Usual maintenance to be undertaken at home with minimum pampering trips to the workshop. Single key ignition a must. 100% burglar proof, fool proof patented electric shock kit against theft a standard.