Marriage in Hiding

One of the most important event in anyone’s life is marriage. I found out that it is not really as simple as it used to be. People have complicated marriage to a point where it is now one of the scariest things anyone does - male or female.

Marriage is not about finance alone, though it does play a great role in it. One needs to be stable financially to live the married life - because it has requirements that are fulfilled only with enough finance.

Lets face it, people are paranoid. They fear too much. And most females in the Middle East are not really so independent even if they work and earn their own money. The structure is such that it makes her the subject of some man or family and regardless of any degree of independence , she is looked upon as a weak creature that needs to be guided and cannot make her own decisions.

So, when it comes to she herself deciding to marry a man of her choice, she is scrutinized to the point of being destroyed mentally. In certain cases, she may even be killed.

What does this have to do with religious beliefs? Nothing. In fact, this whole process of marriage that we employ in our countries is even AGAINST Islam. Islam gave independence to women and allowed them to make their own decisions. The Prophet PBUH, stressed that marriage be made easy so that fornication is removed from society. Muslims practiced this for some time and then brought culture and economy into it and that disrupted the whole system of life.
Today, in muslim countries - there are more sex crimes then anywhere else in the world. There is a whole gay community in every city and prostitution is at its peak. It is no secret how easily prostitutes are available in these countries. We are even shocked to find girls from very good homes working as prostitutes and no one knows about it. Too many secrets in one society causes paranoia in people and thus shapes the society in a way that is counter productive and even destructive in many instances.

We have to review our perceptions and policies for life to even come near to normal now. In fact, I would go so far to even say that we are on the verge of total destruction now. If we look at the number of single women in our societies, it is alarming. These women are unable to marry because their parents will not allow them to marry. They cannot protest. The reason they are not allowed to get married is because their families have not been approached by people from their own "tribes" or higher "tribes" . There is no question of a girl marrying into a different culture. This is totally unacceptable even if she longs for it. Whereas Islam allows any muslim from anywhere to marry any other muslim from any country, our cultures totally restrict that. This causes a number of things to happen. Since, society also dictates that we must work and earn - male or female. - interaction between opposite sexes is inevitable. This leads to affairs and associations that can become very physical very easily. And thus," haram" does happen. No matter how much we pretend or deny it - at least 70% of our youth is now actively engaged in illegal associations with the opposite sex. Who is then responsible for this?

Who decides what is right or what is wrong anymore? Surely not the Holy book of the Muslims. Because if that is the criterion, then we are all totally wrong.

Leila, a palestinian scientist, is now 38. She has given up the idea of marriage totally. Every time she had chosen someone to marry, her parents turned him down and even insulted him because not only was he not Palestinian, he was not from their "tribe". So most suiters gave up very early in the relationship. Since, there is no one from her tribe asking for her - the parents easily decided that she should stay home till she dies. What she feels or wants of course has no bearing on anyone. Even the law will not support her. She can face total destruction of her own life if she protests too much or takes an action on her own. In the past, she was beaten severely for seeking marriage and insisting on it - so her fear causes her to withdraw and leave it to God. There is one fact however, she is married secretly and has enjoyed a relationship for the past 4 years. She is now living a double life. This is her honor that caused her to even marry secretly. Many other girls simply sleep around and if they are lucky enough to be allowed marriage at a later stage, they conduct a small surgery which returns their virginity to them and so someone is definitely lied to. Are they to blame? This is the common thing in Arabia. Are we then to believe that the parents of these women do not even care about anything? Yet they pray 5 times and make huge claims as far as religion is concerned. But when it comes to these basic human rights, they violate them with the same vigor that they would conduct a Jihad.

Ok, agreed they might be totally ignorant in many ways - but then are the Islamic Clerics equally ignorant? The law does not support these women in any way. In fact, if they make the mistake of even going to the judge on their own, they are faced with even a bigger ordeal. They may be blamed for fornication and sent for punishment ! So , basically, they have no way out. What does that do to the mind of these women? Many of them simply continue living the life of lies and deception and get their thing this way or the other.

The reaction of men to all this is that they scrutinize women to the highest degree if they want to marry. Many of the guys I know have even married outside the country , thus adding to the population of single women in the country. The divorce rate has gone up because of the forced or pretentious marriages. Marriage is now a PROBLEM not the bliss it used to be.

What does that do to society? It destroys it.

Does this have a solution? Yes it does. In the Islamic world, there should be only one discrimination when it comes to marriage. A muslim female cannot marry a non- muslim man and a Muslim man can marry any muslim, christian or jewish woman. Who decides who wants to marry who? The ones getting married and no one else. Parents should bless a marriage instantly even if divorce happens in 3 days - at least and at the very least their daughter did not violate a tenant of Islam.

Cheating couples would also not exist if everyone got to marry the person of their choice. Often, it happens, that two people desiring totally different persons are brought together into marriage for tribal or financial reasons. They still do not disassociate with their lovers or people they wanted to marry before so extra marital affairs start. Both partners engage in the most ILLEGAL associations that in Islam is even punishable by death. This is an everyday thing now, and it is very common and lo and behold! even easily accepted!

What will become of the next generation? The number of illegal children will increase and is increasing on a daily bases. There are many places where babies left by unknown persons are raised. These kids do not know who their parents are. They are born in a state of confusion and often grow up in the world of crime and prostitution.

One can find whole facilities called "orphanage" where such children grow up. Wonderful, cute children - deprived of the basic need - parents.

I conclude with one question : Is this Islam, Christianity, Judaism or none of the above and just plain human cruelty that no one is raising a voice against?