Four Wheel Dreams

How many friends should one have? A friend of mine used to say, as many as you can fit in one car. So that if there is a plan to go somewhere, all of them could lump together in one car. During our university days only he had a car. Whenever there was a class dinner or similar event which called for dressing up, we used to fit ourselves in his car as it did not feel right to travel in a bus all dressed up. The guy with car had the bargaining chip (the car) and he really used to make us plead asking us to contribute towards the petrol. We could all travel in taxis in groups of twos or threes and chipping in the fare would have been much cheaper but then we would not have that fun of all of us in one car. It was obvious at the time yet we never brought it up that the contribution we made towards the petrol for one night out was enough to keep his car running for a fortnight and by that time date of some other event might have arrived.

Notwithstanding the fact that five to six persons (all dressed up) cannot ride one bike for long distances, most of us were forbidden from riding bikes due to some near fatal accidents involving bikes in everyone’s family. There was one exception. One guy owned a Vespa and I was allowed to ride behind him because it was considered relatively safe. Not because of some safety features but inherent design of its front which functioned as an air brake slowing down the bike with air friction. The only other machine where I have seen air brakes used is jet planes and Vespa was not even a speed bike. With a front like an air brake and wheels smaller than kid's tricycle, one cannot race a Vespa or do a wheelie or a stoppie. Hence, it was a safe two-wheeler.

How wrong were we? This friend came to my house one day as he wanted to photocopy some of my notes. I sat behind him on his Vespa. As soon as we crossed an intersection, we were stopped by a Police Mobile. This being Karachi in late nineties (memories of 'operation clean up' were still vivid) and we riding a Vespa which couldn't run, we had to stop. As usual, my friend didn't have the motorcycle ownership papers or the driving license. So the Police interrogated us, searched us, smelled our mouths for traces of heroin or alcohol and then left with seventeen rupees we had on us for the photocopying. My friend was pissed off that now we have to go home and get another 17 rupees. He started the bike and as soon as he let go of the clutch, the Vespa's front wheel went up in the air and it stood at a 90 degree angle. I fell down on the road saved from any major injury only because the spare wheel at the back had come lose and I landed on it. To this day, we are not sure how he was able to make VESPA stand on a single wheel but after that incident, I never rode a Vespa again.

Part of the reason of popularity of motorcycles is economical Petrol consumption. Petrol is very expensive. Government politicians always come up with the arguments that this is not the case when we compare it to international prices. I would counteract this by asking do we get paid international salaries. If no then how do you expect us to cough up for international prices.

How times have changed? There was a time when we could not afford one and half lac mehran and with God's grace my friends now own a cool million costing Corollas or City. Despite all this, petrol is still a concern. One of my friends has a 200 liter petrol allowance from the company. Obviously, he is not able to consume the whole 200 liters in one month. So another stingy friend of mine would bring his Honda City to him every week to fill it up. We ridicule him a lot that "8 lac ki Honda rakhi hai par chalanay ki auqaat nahin hai" (Owns [or leases] an 8 lac Honda but doesn’t have the status to drive it).

Under rising fuel charges, car pooling makes sense. It also makes sense due to rising traffic congestion in the city but we are not discussing that right now. Sometimes during carpooling, we travel a lot throughout the city resulting in Rs. 2000 petrol being burnt in a day. The owner cum driver of the vehicle would finally get tired driving here and there and reply "My car runs on petrol, not on Urine!" (Try to say it in Urdu, it really makes an impact).

It would be great if it could run on urine. What we all can do is sit in cars with water bottles and keep drinking. Whenever the tanks are empty, one of us would step out and fill it up. It would also stop us from complaining about short changing by petrol pumps. Moreover, it will also stop people from urinating at walls and street corners in Pakistan, will save us billions in foreign exchange and finally break that oligopolistic mafia known as Oil Marketing Companies and Petrol Dealers Association. It’s scientifically possible but is it feasible with current technologies and smaller and smaller car sizes is a different matter. I mean would it not be something that USS Enterprise would run on the output of its inhabitants.

A few years ago, around 2004, I planned to buy a Honda City. At that time, it used to cost around 6 lac or something. The stock market was booming. A friend of mine encouraged me to invest in the stock market. He said that lets put the down payment on the car and we will finance the installments through the returns from stock market. The monthly installment was supposed to be around 16000 rupees. Our idea was to make Rupees 4000 per week which was not a big sum considering the daily upward movements in index.


We were planning to play it on the margins. Instead of making Rs.4000 in a week, we started making Rs.4000 per day. The day we didn't make any money was a very sad day. My performance at the job started suffering (though still not a cause for concern with my boss). I turned my initial investment of Rs.40,000 into Rs.400,000 in a matter of two months. I gave up the idea of leasing the car and planned to buy it outright on cash in a few weeks. A few days later, a huge correction came in the index. The positions that I have taken on margin were so huge that from a high of 450,000 it went to Rs.35,000 in a single day. I was flabbergasted. Next day, there was a slight spurt in the index with my position reaching 40,000 again. I sold everything, closed my accounts and took out my 40,000 rupees. I decided that more than half of the world makes a living through their salary only; I can do the same as well. Till this day, I don't aspire to enter the market again.

My friend who encouraged me into the market, ended up with a negative position (debt) of Rs.300,000. He could have paid the broker and settled his account. But he decided to repay it through the market saying 'if I am not taking anything from the Stock Exchange, I am not going to give it anything!' From then onwards, he placed small bets and in about a year was able to square his balance. As he was bidding farewell to the market he thought that after one year of experience, I have become an expert. Let’s make a last bet and leave. He made a bet on OGDC and lo! stock market crash of 2005 happened. He ended up in a debt of Rs. 1 million. To this date, he is still repaying the debt but this time through his salary only.

After driving the same car for so many years, people become half auto mechanics or auto electricians. Small problems in the car, they can sort out themselves. The only thing that I am expert in my car is changing the flat tire provided the spare in the car is not flat and someone did not borrow the screw jack a year ago and forgot to return it. I don’t know what people keep looking under the hood for. I am overwhelmed by the machinery with only thing I can do is check the battery connectors which stand out because of battery being different in color. If the car does not start, open the hood and twist the battery connector. If the car is jerking, open the hood and twist the battery connector. The car lights are getting dimmer or not working, open the hood and twist the battery connector and so on. You might say that I can check the oil as well while I am at it since the yellow handle of dipstick also stands out. I did that once. I took out the dipstick and cleaned it with a tissue paper as I have seen the mechanics do it hundreds of time for taking a fresh reading. Then I spent half an hour looking for that hole where to put the dip stick back in. It dawned on me that the handle was the only thing standing out. With the dipstick in hand I could not locate the black hole in that black engine.

The hugely indebted friend of mine always says that every Pakistani man considers himself the best driver. I believe he is right as I have found myself nursing that delusion number of times. Except when I am driving my father around. My father is part of the generation who followed all the rules in letter as well as spirit. Having followed all the rules in his time (those must be good times) he expects his son to drive by the rules, check the tire pressure now and again, water in the engine and oil (I would be crazy if I ever do that again). Whenever my dad is sitting besides me he keeps reminding me of the rules I am breaking, lanes that I keep changing suddenly, and occasionally if I rest my left hand on the hand brake instead of the gear stick, he lifts my hand and places it on the gear stick. Obviously I become nervous when sitting with him. Using the same roads again and again, I am familiar with the pot holes and swing, turn, and swerve the car swiftly to negotiate a smooth ride. However, all these stunts are a big no no when my dad is beside me. As such, under immense pressure and indecisiveness, I end up taking the car into each pot hole like touching all the flag poles in alpine skiing and have earned a nickname "khadda master" from him. So much for being the best driver.