The Man in the Mirror

I am a 29 years old male, a software engineer with MBA degree, and manager in a multinational organization, drawing decent salary, living in downtown of the capital city of the second largest Muslim country in the world, which happens to be a nuclear power. Things couldn’t have been better only if my daily choices were a bit similar to some of my peers with similar credentials but living in different geographical locations than mine.

While they are ambivalent on deciding whether to get married this year or next, which car to buy as it is time to replace the old one, which smoking cessation medicine to try this time if physcotherapy doesn’t work, which season to start after Prison Break & Chuck, is it the right time to try X Box 360 even if Playstation 3 is shooting up the adrenaline like a blonde Spanish masseur, where to go for dinner after bowling this weekend, what will reduce the weight faster, membership of a different health club or a new diet plan, will it be wastage of money if I buy Sony Ericsson 3-D surround sound cell phone even if I have an I-Phone, and many other complex problems.

My brain cells, to the contrary, are daily doing overtime while they are helping me to figure out how many people can die with 10 kilogram of explosives, was it an American or a Pakistani missile which accidently killed dozen innocent civilians last night, what motivates a suicide attacker other than the possibility of having sex with the most beautiful woman available in heaven, can the restaurant where I am going be on the hit list of terrorists, what is the safest route to my office, is the electricity crisis a genuine one or it is an international conspiracy, is it safe to go to the mosque, they are showing ‘ The Dark Knight� in the cinema should I go there even after the bomb threat, was our CEO serious when he said Pakistan is a safe place to do business in and we are not going to close our operations.

Premise of this negative thought process could have been the paranoia caused by the media, if in last two months I wouldn’t have witnessed a suicide attack 40 meters away from my home and one of my company’s facilities totally destroyed by a massive bomb blast in adjacent building of Marriot Hotel.

Not too many 29 year olds elsewhere realize that simple decisions like going for a haircut after reading next two pages of “Long Walk to freedom� or deciding to call the department on weekend at 10:00PM instead of 8:00PM can prove to be the only difference between life and death. These couple of incidents helped me to get out from the state of euphoria I was previously in and forced me to get acquainted with the reality, the reality which I don’t want to believe is real. I tried looking for answers but to no avail. I read “Who is Who & What is What�, googled all the questions I wanted to ask, cursed Bin Laden, Bush & Bombs and meditated in anticipation of epiphany. Nothing was working until I met someone very close to me who really opened my eyes.

I saw him when I was standing in front of the mirror, I recognized him immediately. He was smiling at me while he was looking straight into my eyes with a sarcastic gaze.

“So you are really petrified because you have to make very difficult choices in your life� he said and exploded with laughter. He didn’t notice my annoyance with the bad timing of his laugh and continued with his remarks.

“When your country decided to help America in its invasion of Afghanistan, even though not a single person who perpetrated that horrendous attack of 9/11 was Afghani, there was someone in Kabul who matched you credentials. He was 29 years old male, a software engineer who completed his MBA in November 2000 and was manager in a local soap factory.� the person in the mirror sat down after saying this which obligated me to do the same.

“The night they started bombing Kabul, he was home with his parents and three sisters. His mind was full of questions, complains and confusions. Millions of thoughts were coming to his mind, like, is it real or am I dreaming, why they are punishing us for the crimes we never committed, was this sound of a cruise missile or a B-52 doing its carpet bombing, why international community is doing nothing to stop this madness, which plane just flew over our home, was my father sure when he told me that the soap factory has been completed destroyed with many casualties, why my sisters are crying so loud when it is not helpful at all, why my mother is reciting Quran in midnight, why I just said to my youngest sister that don’t worry by morning it will be over even though a missile just landed in the back street, why I can’t see anything�. His voice was becoming louder.

“When he woke up in the morning, like you, he had to make some difficult choices. Which one is the leg of my elder sister in these three broken legs lying down with my mother’s skull, why arms of my youngest sister still wrapped against my mother’s headless body, should I lift bodies of my mother and sisters first or my father’s whose remains are probably under the rubble of his study, if I decide to find his body parts first from where am I going to get a shovel, is there any possibility of finding anything to clear the mess from other destroyed houses in the street, even if I somehow manage to piece together bodies of the family how am I going to find white cloth to bury them, why I was not killed with them, is there any reason to live now, if I decide to commit suicide how can I find an intact high rise building to jump from.� The guy in the mirror was crying, but still he was not in a mood to stop.

“By evening after burying his family he had some other decisions to make. Where can I find Taliban who are fighting my enemies, what is the best way of taking revenge, from whom should I take revenge, the Americans flying 10,000 ft above, Northern Alliance who are their supporters, Pakistani Army which facilitated the bombing, or any 29 years old civilian who is living a life which I should have been living� the man in the mirror disappeared as suddenly as he appeared initially.

After he left, I realized how naïve we are when we are sitting in one part of the world watching someone like us getting hurt somewhere else and we don’t do anything about it thinking that this is not going to happen to us. We call this a global village but still close our eyes when we see the village is on fire. We don’t understand that a suicide attack in Islamabad can be a butterfly effect of a Palestinian child throwing stone on an Israeli tank.

Many other thoughts are coming in my mind but I cannot continue writing as I have finally decided to take the risk and watch “The Dark Knight� in cinema.