Hair No More

I deal with falling hair every day of my receding existence. It’s a gloomy sight when scores of hair prefer to lie on the pillow rather accompany me to office.

There used to be a time when I had a spotless scalp. Nobody even cared then, not even myself. Humans mourn what they have lost or don’t have. It was when I found an unusual amount of the dead hair in my shower gauze that I felt something was amiss.

My fears were confirmed when my mother noticed the problem. She was swift to suggest lesser use of shampoo and oil massage. Being looks conscious, I took the words seriously - too seriously

From shampooing every day to thrice a week was uncomfortable. Initially, the feeling was of being unclean and incomplete bath; but a man got to do, what he got to do. The rash rubbing of scalp changed to gentle circular motions with the finger pores. The steamy baths turned to warm showers.

Advice was offered for free and in all sincerity; everyone could relate to the problem. They informed me of their secret formulas. Recipes ranged from being creative, serious, medically authentic, long tested and impossible to implement. Few I tried, some I rejected, rest I plan to try out:

‘Surma’, oil and sesame seeds:

This is a recipe from my driver. He suggested that a mixture of the above three ingredients would lead to a healthy scalp. Later, after some serious thoughts, he rejected the sesame seeds. Apparently, he had confused it with some cooking recipe. Later on, he returned and said that it was sesame oil and not sesame seed. This time he was sure.

Kala-Kola:

Kala-Kola, the hair dye, was suggested by another acquaintance. Gathering from the perplexed look on my face, he explained further, that it not only dyed hair but made them stronger. Maybe he was suggesting something else.

Lemon:

“Apply Fresh lemon juice on your scalp”, said a sympathetic soul. Though, he couldn’t elaborate whether to use this as a shampoo, conditioner or after bath. It doesn’t matter I guess; it’s the thought that counts.

‘Lassi’:

This comes from a recipe, well tested and long tried. It involves re-cycling of ‘Lassi’. I actually tried this one; courtesy, my mother. A bowl was placed under my head and the ‘Lassi’ was given a run through my hair, using a second bowl. The cycle was repeated swapping the bowls. I had to bear with the eerie feeling of cold, thick, gooey stuff invading my scalp. Finally, when the white lassi turned almost black, I couldn’t take it any more; it was disgusting. Actually, this method was messy, complicated and quite tiring.

‘Amla’, ‘Reetha’, Almond oil:

A mixture of freshly grounded ‘amla’ and ‘reetha’ is boiled in Almond oil for hours. What becomes of this is not pleasant looking. This, when applied to hair turns fire on your head, and if, unfortunately the mixture gets into eyes then you have had it. Supposedly, it does wonders for your hair and dandruff.

‘Tide’(Laundry Washing Powder):

This comes from a very seasoned gentleman, who told me this recipe with a stiff upper-lip. According to him, washing my head with ‘Tide’ would solve the problem. Well, it might sound ludicrous at first, but optimistically speaking, it should save me laundry time, as bath and laundry would be one and the same.

Upside down:

Standing upside down improves hair growth. This is said to happen due to the improved blood circulation in the scalp.

Egg, lemon and oil:

This is my very own invention, derived from several different recipes. I figure that if egg, lemon and oil are good individually, then they should be good as a mixture too.

Etc. :

Some really cool recipes include freshly grounded cobra, crows blood and rubbing bear’s skin on your head. These were serious suggestions from people who really understood my pain.

As a disclaimer to all the above recipes, my hair loss problem persists.