They Changed My God

I do not know how God is related to me

Is it love and respect that links me to Him?

Or fear that forces me to seek his refuge?

Is He a loving friend or a cruel ruler?

Is He like a cloud that protects us from the scorching sun?

Or is he the fire that burns us?

I still love Him, even after so many years

I cannot forget the time I spent with Him

That’s when we were friends – me and my God

We roamed around together, holding hands

Collecting feathers of colorful birds

Exotic flowers, ran after butterflies

And spent hours in friendly chats

But they came and took my God away from me

And changed him

When they came, me and my God were

Having an important talk in a garden near our house

He was explaining to me why

Butterflies stain our hands

And fireflies do not burn them

They were all big men,

Some bearded, some not

Some had guns, some did not

Some were armed with swords and spears

And others had big sticks

They came and shouted:

We cannot let God waste his time

We are here to save him from kids and butterflies

He has more important things to do

Give him to us

They lifted God on their shoulders and

Walked out of my garden, chanting slogans

And they took him away

From me and my house

From my village and my city

Since then nobody has seen my God

Nobody knows where they have kept Him

He does not communicate with children anymore

He does not communicate at all

They bring all his orders to us and say

This is what God says. Do it

Those who do not

Are kicked, beaten up, flogged and even killed

All in the name of my God

He has changed so much since they took him away

That I do not recognize Him anymore

He is not the God I loved

He is their God

He does not speak the language of

Butterflies and fireflies anymore

His orders are not that of a loving friend

He talks like the worldly rulers

I still miss Him a lot

I want the God of butterflies and flowers back

I want to say to Him

O God how much I want you to come down

From your heavenly abode and play with me

I want to be a little child again

I want to hold your hand and run with you

Deep into the jungle

And when the jungle scares me

I want to hide in your arms

I want you to stay there, wait for me

Don’t go away like others

You are more kind than a mother

And more caring than a father

I want you to leave all your work aside

For one day, just one day

Yes, I know it is important

I know it is You who bring

Clouds from the sea

And makes them rain on the thirsty earth

So that we could smell the fragrance and

The raindrops stir in the dry soil

It is You who bring the monsoon

Holding the reins of the sun, the moon, the stars

And the planets in your hands

And thus cause the seasons to change

It is you who prevent people

From killing each other in madness

You enable us to live under the loving care of our friends

It is you who feed insects hiding under the stone

And give warmth to the poor sitting around the fire

You also fetch a glass of water

For the beggar woman

You fill our dreams with color and light

And bring sleep to our burning eyes

You protect the travelers

And save us from our own madness

Yes You have so many important things to do

But you have always been doing this and more

Only You know how old this universe is

And how unending your daily chores

But you also know that my stay here is short

My age is not numbered in solar years

Then do this for me, O God

Give a day, just one day

From your busy schedule

To me

I want to hold your hand and walk

In the cruel crowd

Holding my head high

So that everybody could see

You have dodged your bearded guards

And returned to children and butterflies

You once again love the flowers

And their fragrance

We will walk together for miles

And when we are both tired

(Don’t you ever get tired?)

We will sit somewhere along the beach

And watch the people walking past us

Dismissing the child and his God

In their ignorance

I want to watch them and smile at them

And you, my Provider

I don’t want much from you

Just buy me a plate of chic peas

Some oranges and some mangoes

(They do not grow in the same season but You get them both for me!)

I also want you to fetch a glass of cold sherbet

With crushed ice

And then I want to put my head on your shoulders

(Don’t be upset with me, this is how children behave)

And sleep, a long, long sleep

And when I do, you quietly close my eyes

And take me to the journey that awaits us all

If you are with me, why should I be afraid of

Any journey?

Authors note: Anwar Iqbal was threatened with death by an unidentified group after reciting the Urdu original of this poem in Islamabad in late July 2000.