The Sad Reality of Arranged Marriages in South Asia

Monsoon Wedding turned out to a surprise summer hit. Viewers in Independent theaters across the nation adored it. Despite the film’s low budget and tight shooting schedule, Mira Nair, the film’s director, managed fitting numerous themes against the back drop of an elite middle class wedding in Delhi, India.

Nair should be credited with introducing audiences with serious topics such as Arranged Marriages in South Asia. Nevertheless, Nair’s deliberate sugar coating ended up impressing moviegoers with the film’s textural and melodic beauty rather than making them ruminate about the exploitative nature of Arranged Marriages. Perhaps, Nair had intended thus.

The practice of Arranged Marriages, however, merits some reflection:

In South Asian Arranged Marriages light skin is always preferred over dark. This criterion is descended from India’s ancient Caste System. Caucasian invaders from Central Asia first instituted system. Through this system of social stratification the invaders hoped to preserve their racial purity (and their social and political dominance) and thus they prohibited interracial marriages. Nevertheless, in a matter of a few generations the whole of India became color coded according to the amount of wealth clans or tribes possessed. Every successive generation produced more wealth and more light skin. This was simple biology: A relatively richer man was able to wed a relatively lighter skinned woman.

To this day ascending the ladder of social mobility changes a clan’s skin complexion. More often then not a family’s search for a suitable girl revolves around finding a lighter skinned individual. Darker men and women are considered inferior--and in some areas of South Asia unclean. It can be argued that in the absence of elaborate match making, men and women regardless of their skin color would settle down to start a family. Nevertheless the entire South Asian society condones racism through its practice of Arranged Marriages. The institution of Arranged Marriage in South Asia is therefore racist.

Some intellectuals contend that Arranged Marriages also prevent social mobility. Parents, relatives and other clan elders in their search for the right match inevitably end up pairing individuals from—more or less--the same economic background. Deviations from established practices are not common. As a result arranged marriages are doubly biased against darker and poorer men and women. By preventing social mobility this form of match making also reinforces the status quo within the society. Consequently, established unjust social practices--maltreatment of women, children and other ethnic and religious minorities, for example--remain unchallenged within the society. Society’s every thought, word and action becomes subjective: It conforms to the popular view. In short, people are afraid of rocking the boat; they do not want to end up as pariahs.

The proponents of Arranged Marriages often tout the low rates of divorce. It is the lack of expectation from your future spouse that makes Arranged Marriages resilient, they contend. Since both the man and the woman do not know each other before marriage, the proponents aver, they accept any or all the qualities of their spouse as manna from heaven.

This is blatant sophistry!

Arranged Marriages are frequently practiced in societies, which do not give equal rights to their female population. In such paternalistic societies women are confined to the household or allowed to hold only socially secluded and insignificant jobs. Arranged Marriages are forced upon them and they coerced into living their lives as second-class citizens in their own country.

The real reason for the low rate of divorce is that women are forced to compromise and made to accept maltreatment in societies where Arranged Marriages are practiced. Divorced women do not have access to any moral or financial support systems. Frequently, their own families refuse to accept them back. In such societies, women’s place can only be defined through the men they are related to: A woman is born a daughter. She grows up as a sister. Later on, she becomes someone’s wife and a few years later someone’s mother. In a nutshell, women do not have an independent status in communities where Arranged Marriages are the norm.

The fact is that Arranged Marriage is a cruel, racist institution. If non-Western societies aspire to become freer and more just--like counterparts in the West--they must start with a trenchant critique of their practices. It is high time nations realized that giving equal rights—social and political influence, for example--to one half of their population, i.e. women, will go a long way in solving prevalent social problems.