Cynical 21st Century Psychobabble

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The exhibitionistic lubrication of a process of production and supply aimed at generating an economy propelled by a superficial concept of “choice” which in turn is woven with the glorification of status-conscious demands for the supposedly necessary of the actually unnecessary!
Synonym: Chacha Chaar Soh Beess

America
The place that everybody loves to hate, hate to leave and lust to reach!

Army
Caucasian jocks with real Weapons Of Mass Destruction looking to destroy imaginary Weapons Of Mass Destruction supposedly owned by fat Arab jockeys.
Synonym: Rambo Rump Steaks.

Al-Queda
Terrorist organization responsible for everything from mass murder in Bali to open manholes in Karachi.
Also: The name of an all-male society for the promotion of facial hair on women!
Synonym: MMD’s (Men Of Mass Destruction).

Anarchist
Me?

Bimbo
Bimbos are to women what beef is to broccoli.

Bozo
Male equivalents of Bimbos.
Synonym: Teenage Mutant Cringing Hurdles.

Bubble Gum
The product most Pakistani industrialists feel the safest to produce. Helps the economy by helping them to import everything else, from Japanese cars to Chinese safety pins.

Bharat
The burping sound made by right-wing Hindu patients of chronic indigestion.
Example: “So, my dear friends, as I was saying … *BHARAT! * … excuse me.”

Baghdad
Playground for American marines wanting to experience the nostalgia of the Vietnam debacle. Also called the Body Bag Park.

Bush
A polite and politically correct way of saying “you red-neck imperialist swine!”
Example: “Oh, Tom, you’re such a Bush!”

Baywatch
An American TV show in which busty bimbos and meaty men run around half-naked doing the most important thing in their lives: Get a tan. And, oh yes, sometimes they save lives too.

Bollywood
A social club advocating choreographed group dancing as a cure for poverty, crime, illiteracy, child labor, unemployment, exploitation, etc.
Example: “I love you” “I love you too” (Dance!); “Yeh shadee nahi ho sakti!! (Dance!); “My son committed suicide.” “Oh my God, that’s terrible.” (Dance!); “You like my new hair cut?” “Yes I do.” (Dance!); “Look at this poor child. He seems to be dying of hunger.” “Tich, tich, tich. Let’s get him a Pepsi.” “Great idea. “ (Dance!); “Why is everybody dancing?” “I have absolutely no idea.” “Why are YOU dancing?” “Because everybody else is.” “Hmmmmm … I see.” (Dance!).

Dance
Don’t. Please.

Dude
A not very intelligent young man who keeps saying “dude” as if choking on his own breath.

Contraception
Birth control tools most likely to be used only as birthday balloons by Islamic fundamentalists.

Cricket
A game once played by boring old British gentlemen but now enjoyed by now enjoyed by boisterous young Australasian men. Thank God!

Cola
Flavored carbonated water made to generate full profits and empty burps.

Cola-nization
The socio-economic process of hooked-nosed capitalists drowning organic civilizations in useless fizz.

Consumerism
Religion created and run by wolves in sheep’s clothing for sheep in human disguise.

Christmas
A religious holiday celebrated as if instead of Christianity, Christ founded consumerism. And/or as if instead of curing the lepers and the blind he made converts by holding shoe sales dressed as Santa Clause and waving the cross as a branded logo for ancient golf-wear!

Democracy
Close minds mobbing open forums.


Dialogue
Diplomatic monologue.

Dollar
A dog spelled backwards.

Dubai
Holiday resort and amusement park for Asian mafia bosses and fat Arab jockeys.

English
A language so many speak but only a few know.

Egalitarianism
Hearty charity projects initiated to enter cynical political races.

Elvis
Dead fat rock star worshipped by dumb fat couch potatoes.

Evil
(According to the USA), any Asian country with the capability to produce nuclear weapons with the exception of Israel.

Entertainment
Exhibitionistic “creative” idiocy on television sponsored by pompous corporate idiocy.


e!
24-hr-cable-network trying to prove that trivial high society bullshit, pill popping, alcoholism, adultery, gossip, general decadence and a sizeable lack of intellect are the main prerequisites to make it big in show-biz. Not entirely wrong, though.


Fashion Show
Skinny women exhibiting strange looking clothes in front of men and women with fat bank accounts.

Fashion Magazine
Glossy rags promoting anorexia nervosa as a fashion statement.

Fahashi (Obscenity)
Pictures of Mulla Omar in his underwear.

Formula One
A race in which small red cars go round and round in circles sounding like a thousand mosquitoes being gang-banged by horny Shell executives!

Fundamentalism
Mentally retarded religious folks having fun.

Fascist
A not very intelligent bald man who keeps saying, “hail Hitler” as if choking on fried white pork marinated with synthetic Aryan blood. Ugh!

Fast Food
Food made to generate fast heart burns and faster burps. Globalization’s qumi khana.

Feudal Lord
Pir Pagaro insisting his jeep is called Pir Pejaro and torturing anyone who disagrees.

Ferhat Hashmi
Branded designer hjabs for rich aunties.

Globalization
Buzz word used by corporate economic exploiters to glorify and rationalize blatant economic imperialism. Loved by “dudes” (see Dude). “Yea, Kentucky Fried Chicken. It’s globalization, duuude. Let’s choke on it!”

Global Warming
What dudes think is the name given to happy hours at Starbuck joints.

General Motors
The 5-½ miles of shining jeeps, bikes and cars which accompany General Musharaf’s motorcade.

Genocide
Bad breath fascists murdering hooked nosed Jews killing horseless Arab jockeys.

(The) Hite Report
Scientific pornography.

Hell
Having to listen Ferhat Hashmi talk about heaven!

Heaven
My cable operator not offering Star Plus and ARY Gold. Just imagine NO Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi and that ubiquitous and dumb ARY Gold Quiz show with Marina and Bheroze! Sorry, mom.

Hashish
Legalize it!!

Heavy Metal
Black Sabbath. Period. (Linkin Park, who?).

Hormones
Moaning noises made by horses rode by fat Arab jockeys.

Health Food
Slow food for carrot-top yuppies. Good for the brain, but only if they had one.

Hinduism
RSS fanatics destroying a mosque in Ayudia and Aswaria Roy doing the striptease on a Mumbai movie set. All about peaceful co-existence.

History
Which keeps repeating it-self and what people keep forgetting. Also a TV channel unknown to dudes and of no interest to mom.
“Mera Star Plus kahan hai??!!”

Hysteria
Obscene female rantings caused by lecherous Freudian jinns.

Haram
Anything not liked by your local mosque’s pesh imam. Can be anything. Your hair, mom’s liking for Star Plus, jeans or scenes of grasshoppers mating on the National Geographic Channel. All “haram!”

Harrots
Where carrots are spelled as carets and cola sold as caviar. A mall for the rich and the famous to hangout.

Homosexual
Degenerate Homo sapiens.

Homophobic
Myopic Homo erectus.

Infidel
Grasshoppers mating in public on the National Geographic Channel.

Iraq
(See Baghdad. But don’t visit … unless you want to wrap yourself with TNT and ram into an American tank).

Insanity
Extreme sanity.

Islam
Pakistan’s official religion imposed over and over and over again. Also: Pushtun name for bachelor’s party for would-be polygamists.

Jock
Bozo-meets-Dude to have a Bimbo.

Japan
Land of fish-eating robots.

Justice
(See Jargon).

Jargon
(See Justice).

Jaded
See me!

Judaism
Genocide with a ‘J.’

Jesus
An underweight Santa Clause.

Kama Sutra
Sexual guide written by ancient Hindu gymnasts.

Kafir
Anyone questioning the existence of mullahs.

Klu Klux Klan
Freckled fascist dyslexics trying to spell “Cool Coke can.”

Kabul
Capital of Mohenjodaro.

King Kong
Sudden, massive male arousal.
Example: “Man, as soon as I saw her I King Konged!”

Karl Marx
The anti-Santa-Clause Santa Clause


Life
Cosmic imprisonment.

Lust
That which generates King Kong.

Love
King Kong mistaken as Marry Poppins.

Lollywood
Breeding ground for King Kong cows.

Mullah
Hairy King Konged men who hate Marry Poppins.

Media
A circus for the dumb, of the dumb, by the dumb.

Mecca
A cola made by fat Arab jockeys to taunt hooked-nosed Jews and freckled dyslexic fascists misspelling ‘cool cola can’ as Klu Klux Klan.

Mind
Something hardly used while making matter.

Meat
(See Lollywood)

Nuclear Weapons
Explosive measuring devices to measure “progress” and “patriotic pride.”



Nudity
A way to communicate with orangutans by using the fashion language of the ape family.
(See also Bollywood; Hollywood).

Opra
Name of an Afro-American soap brand.

Soap Opera
The matter where the mind is completely ignored.

Sultan
A polite way of saying “you autocratic Arab tyrant!”
Also name of a late Punjabi film actor who used to King Kong a lot.

Slut
A not-so-polite way of saying “Hollywood/Bollywood/Lollywood actress!”

Terminator
A remorseless, heartless and murderous cyborg recently elected as Governor of California.

Tits
Teenage termites.

Teenager
(See Dude).

Taleban
Hairy jocks who were taught to repress their King Kongs in Peshawar madressas and instead make-out with AK-47s pressed on the heads of burqualess Marry Poppins.

Tabloid
Proof that aliens have landed!

Television
(See Media). Or better, DON’T see at all!

UFO
Proof that tabloids are true.

Utopia
Dyslectic African tyrants trying to spell ‘Ethopia.’

Vresache
Designer Vaseline used by Hollywood homosexuals.

Want
Greed glorified and rationalized by Capitalists.

Women’s Lib
The act of burning bras as a way to repulse King Kong orangutans.

X-Rated
That which has become PG now. Also, nudity used to take x-rays of King Konging orangutans.

Yoga
A way to digest vegetables and organic food.

Yuppie
A polite way of saying “you pretentious, corny, greedy corporate pig!”
Also: Proof that MBA stands for the Mindlessness Of Business Administration.

Zionest
Name of designer jeans specially made for FOX News employees.