Why BPO Will Be The Death of India

This piece is anecdotal but then so is life.

For 50 years we did the right thing. Invested in top-notch universities, created a huge talent pool of professionals. Built rockets, missiles, even a nuclear weapon or two. Won wars. Clung on to democracy. Built

the largest railway in the world. Nurtured IT powerhouses. Spawned corporate leaders who featured in Top 25 lists worldwide.

And then came BPO.

It’s going to be the death of us.

Last night I called a call center to restore my second mobile connection, recently acquired for the wife, which had been cruelly and abruptly cut off. We are both proud subscribers of one of India’s largest GSM providers. For fear of being sued, let’s call it Scaretel.

Conversation went something like this:

“Hi, I’m calling about my mobile- number 98*** *****, which has been barred for outgoing calls for the past three days….”

Actually it’s the fourth time in two days that I’m calling them. Scaretel is smart- first they wait for me to cough up last month’s bill, THEN they cut my outgoing call/messaging facility. Someone up there knows his risk management.

“Good evening, my name is Kumar. How may I assist you today?”

“Well, yes--- you were supposed to send a person to verify my alternate address yesterday, but it’s been 2 days and nobody’s here. Meanwhile my phone’s still usless.”

Long delay while Mr. Callcentreguy checks my record. I’m humming along with A.R. Rahman’s catchy little tune for the 6th time when he finally returns.

“Sorry for keeping you on hold for so long sir”

Yeah right.

“You logged your request at 10.14 a.m. two days ago sir. The service time for a request of this nature is 36 hours.”

Oh----kay--- well, it’s been close to 60 hours now, dude. Why is there nobody at my door?

“No sir, it hasn’t been 36 hours yet.” Sounding mighty sure of himself.

I challenge him and lose. It seems a “day” is 8 hours. So when Scaretel says “36 hours”, they actually mean 5 working days, i.e. closer to a week.

Time to change tack. I tell him I’ve been a Scaretel customer for two years, and my other number (98*** *****) gets billed at the same address with no problems at all. Could he please compare the two addresses and verify for himself, please?

Put on hold again. More A.R. Rahman.

“There’s a difference in line 4 of the address, sir. One says ‘Near Hawkins Street,’ the other says ‘Near Hawkins St.’ Yuss-Tee. ” He sounds triumphant, almost. I am lost for words.

“Well, you asked me to compare addresses.” He’s annoyed now, why am I wasting his time? But he agrees, it’s the same address.

So, then, what’s the problem? The address is the same, it’s already been “verified” right? So unlock my damned phone.

“No sir, in one number, it’s mentioned in ‘Billing Address’. In another, it’s mentioned as ‘Alternate Address’. It’s not the same.”

Huh? Check again, mate, it says “Home Address” and “Office Address” doesn’t it? And I don’t even receive physical bills anymore, they come via e-mail. So what’s the big deal about “Billing Address.”

He’s calm now, on safe ground again. “It doesn’t matter if the address is the same, sir. It has to be verified again.”

That’s when (I’m ashamed to admit) I lose it completely. I tell him very coldly, very quietly, that he lacks brains. Could he please check around him and find someone with brains I can talk to please?

“Sorry, sir, no.” The irony of this is lost on the guy.

No? I can’t talk to anyone else? What is this, the psycho phone network? Get me your boss dammit. I’m almost shouting now.

Hesitation. “I don’t have a boss. My timm lidder is busy attending other calls.”

Oh really. Well, I can wait. When will timm lidder be free?

“I’m sorry that’s not possible sir.”

We haggle a while and it appears timm lidder (who, Kumar informs me, goes by the strange name of Ashokorharish) will call me on the morrow, presumably fresh after his full eight hours, enjoyed while any number of cranky customers call wanting their connections restored.

He’s still asleep, one gathers. I haven’t received the call yet.

And this is why BPO will be the death of India. Because idiots like Kumar are manning the call centres using fake Midwestern accents while the bemused Yank at the other end wonders why everyone speaks like his neighbourhood grocer these days. Considering Kumar can’t even relate to someone practically ethnically identical, what a blast he must be with someone 8000 miles and several worlds away. About timm lidder Ashokorharish, the lesser said the better. At least when I call my bank’s hotline, a little display of anger magically brings a real bank officer on the line, who usually resolves my problem even before I’ve finished telling her about it. Scaretel (and others, AT&T too, who knows) has completely outsourced their call centre operations, with little or no escalation points within the organization.

Even if they are well-intentioned, these young “executives” are usually clueless. Most are just making easy pocket money on their way to a “real” job anyway. They work during hours when they should rightfully be asleep. BPO employment is little more than glorified casual labour--- career prospects are limited, the pay is so-so and worst of all, it’s a fairly commoditised market- all it needs is a little accent training and basic computer literacy. There is no room for creativity. Even if someone genuinely understands the caller’s problem, his options are limited to what’s available on whatever menu is dropping down in front of him at that moment.

Back to Scaretel: Kumar cheerfully ends the call with “Thank you. I am glad to have been of assistance.” I say you’re welcome but whatever gave him that idea. And no--- I haven’t got a call from them yet and outgoing is still barred. Meanwhile that doesn’t stop them from billing me for usage anyway and if I’m lucky they’ll probably throw in a reconnection charge as well. I’ve given up. Seems to me there’s little for me to do except accept the situation and wait. And perhaps, “express myself”.