A Suitable Boy

I guess when girls reach a certain age, the first thing out of every second person’s mouth is ‘how old are you? How come you’re not married yet?’ This hardly helps to settle the unease already taking permanent residence in the pits of our stomachs. All ‘I am a free woman’ protagonists are probably out-raged, and hey, more power to them! But the fact of the matter is that I DO want to get married and hopefully before I’m old and grey!

I’ve reached the age where eyebrows are raised when people discover I’m still single and looking, so far there’s been only one proposal that I’ve rejected and I have yet to live it down.

Now this guy happened to be the son of some ‘family friends’ who turned up out of nowhere to stay with us for a week. Little did I know what transpired would be the bane of my very existence! The guy’s parents and sisters stay at our place and I go around being my usual lovable person. Had I known, I would have played the part of the ‘manhoos bahu’ to the tee.

A week later I discovered that the proposal has been made along with a picture of the would-be groom, I took one look at the picture and wanted to head for the hills, I had a near cardiac arrest…. My God!! Did my mother hate me so much?! The guy was fat. And I mean FAT!! He was big enough to have his own zip code! Of course I couldn’t say that to my mom (she’s of the view that people can lose weight, yeah Anna Nicole and my cousin Sajid just think they look sexier that way!)

I kept coming up with silly excuses ‘ummmm…I don’t want to live in the states’ ‘we don’t have the same tastes in music’ ‘I don’t like his family’ none of them being false.

Soon the whole family was in on the fun. Lucky me!! My grandma and aunts, even my cousins who were supposed to be on my side. I felt betrayed and utterly alone. In the end out of sheer desperation and in an attempt to keep my sanity and the small amount of hair that I have, I screamed, "He is fat alright! That’s why I don’t want to marry him. He is fat! " My family was flabbergasted. But before they could say anything, I continued, "and NO he can’t lose weight. I mean who loses weight anyway?! Certainly not Mr. chubby pants over there!" (I pointed at Sajid).

I admit this was mean and inconsiderate on my part but pushed into a corner a tigress tends to lash out (don’t snicker…I consider myself something of a tigress!)

Anyway, to make a long story short ( do I hear a sigh of relief?) the guy got engaged to someone else and when he went over to his place his sisters kept shoving his engagement photos in my face and kept asking me why I wasn’t married yet or at least engaged….the nerve of some people! He got married in September and now most comments go something like:

"We’ll get you married to someone in Canada Canada/America/Australia/Timbuktu/anywhere, but Pakistan".

"Why can't you let me live closer to you guys?"

"It’s just that bahar ke rishtay achay hotay hain".

"Pakistani rishtay bhi achay hotay hain".

"You’re not getting any Pakistani rishtas".

"I’m not exactly wallowing in rishtas from abroad either, damn!"

The minute I completed my sentence I realized the severity of what I’ve done. I’ve sealed my fate ladies and gentleman. Gug up my my own grave and must lie in it now. I give in to my fate and try to look as distraught and rueful as I can as I sit through a half-hour sermon on the pros and cons…no make that cons and more cons of rejecting the only rishta. ‘

"Why did you have to refuse him? He could’ve lost weight, he was such a nice guy, your khala said so. She had met him".

"Then let Khala marry him. She is still single!" There comes a time when I cant take it anymore.

"Uff Ammi, he’s married now, for all we know he’s probably got kids by now, can’t we just let it go please?.....jeez!"

I guess you can probably get over your loss but your family won’t.