Of Eros and Erosion

According to, Bulfinch’s Mythology: The Age of Fable, Psyche was a princess in a Greek kingdom. Eros, son of Aphrodite, goddess of love and beauty, accidentally, pricked her with one of his arrows (which make someone fall in love instantly). Later, she ended up being with someone she could not see, who in fact was Eros, but was not permitted to reveal his identity. Her family convinced her that it was some kind of monster. So one night she startles him with the light of a lamp, and was happy to discover that it was only Eros. However as gods would have it everything around her disappears. She prays to Aphrodite to find her love, and consequently goes through a series of tasks, including going to hell and back, and ultimately finds Eros. The Greek name for a butterfly is Psyche, and the same word means the soul. The way a caterpillar goes through various stages of metamorphosis to become a beautiful butterfly, similarly human soul, is said to be purified by sufferings and misfortunes, and is thus prepared for the enjoyment of true and pure happiness.

Interestingly, in Freudian Psycho-analytical theory, Eros is the life instinct and a desire to create life and thus the extension in Psychiatry as sexual desire. It is also defined as the sum of all instincts for self-preservation. Ironically, literature and arts are replete with stories where quest for Eros proved to be any thing but self preserving. From the tragic end of Richard Wagner’s passionate interpretation of story of “Tristan and Isolde”, an opera about irresistible and undying love, to Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, love proved to be fatal.

No matter how it ends, love through the ages has been intricately associated with notions of challenges, suffering and pain. The forbidden affairs of fin amour (fine love) by Troubadours of Southern France, some say the initiators of the modern romantic love, challenged the norms of society. Jelaluddine Rumi, the 13th century Muslim poet and mystic wrote, “Love is reckless, risks everything and asks for nothing, having died to self interest”. To makes things worse, love has also been characterized as an ambivalent feeling of blissful joy, in the presence and painful torture, in the absence of the lover.

Schopenhauer declared love a frivolity and maintained that it is just a manifestation of what he called Genius of the Species. He explained that love in a way is a delusion of the two individuals, which attracts them to fulfill nature’s aim of producing the next generation. Given the modern time use of contraception, procreation the ultimate requirement of nature, can be obtained comfortably within pre-defined boundaries along with safe and cozy environment. So the question arises that where is the room for love? Orwellian idea of supremacy of individuality over mechanistic despotism is akin to idea of love rising above, than a mere perception of being a slave of basic needs of physiology. Here it is important to point out the distinction between love and infatuations. Where later stems out of physical or psychological needs, is so often confused with love in the restless, nothing-is-good- enough or there- might- be- something- better- out- there notions, of our times. So to start with, let us use the word “Love” with more trepidation.

So how is it that the forbidden, reckless, tragic, bittersweet love is self preserving? If evolution is the essence of life, then to reach a higher order, lower life forms have to transcend themselves to reach a higher level of being. The caterpillar becomes butterfly, only through virtue of much struggle, Eros being the catalyst. So many times, physical self preservation is put at stake, as in any classic human story of love, to attain a lasting, evolved and more beautiful self. A clear distinction is thus required, between professing love to actually practicing and achieving it.

Plato’s symposium asserts that love is based on a person’s need to be completed by someone else. The question remains however, if coming across a soul mate is a reality? Scientifically speaking, meeting such a person can trigger all sorts of neurotransmitters in the brain. The activation of such neuro-hormonal wiring, I believe is in turn, laid out by past experiences, both good and bad, and the influence of the environment -- in other words the role of “nurture”. Consequently, the mind and body leap at this opportunity of self expansion. A famous Urdu poet talked about such an irresistible bond as

No one can govern Love Ghalib. This is a Fire
No one can kindle; and, once kindled no one can put it out
-- Ghalib (1797-1869)

I think, the contact with a person that invokes such strong irresistible feelings and many a times irrational behavior, has to be an extremely rare occurrence. One may be affected and fulfilled at many levels of intellectual, emotional, physical and psychological states. Consequent self expansion and self discovery may well be very surprising. The “new you” is actually the person’s own latent potential that got triggered due to the interaction and presence of the other person. Which is fortunate since one may live a whole life without brushing shoulders with such intense feelings. The challenge however lies in the aftermath of this coming together of Ying and Yang.

The capacity to love, is again hampered or enhanced, based on past experiences of being loved or lack of such a positive environment. Many factors determine the next step to accept this opportunity and welcome the new and more evolved state. The resistance to change, however, may prove to be too much of a hurdle, to progress into that elusive butterfly. Consequently, the potential is lost, the feelings are then measured in time and there in lies the tragedy in human interactions. Taken lightly this cycle if repeatedly practiced, erodes the inner self. The quest for finding peace and love, becomes increasingly difficult since acquired lack of tolerance towards falling in and out of love sets in.
Some characteristics required to tread on this path would be willingness, humility, sacrifice, perseverance, tolerance, generosity and compassion. A long list indeed, and of course in the present world, there are far too many more important things to be taken care of. However,

Love taught my nature what it is to know the zest of life
I found a cure for sorrow in a sorrow without cure
-- Ghalib (1797-1869)

So when it comes to love, be prepared to be labeled a cynical fool and perhaps later a romantic fool, and at the same time, ironically, told to abstain from becoming a cynical fool. Lastly, what if love is not cherished and reciprocated to the same extent? Optimistic wisdom asserts that love is yours to give and feel, and nothing and no one can take that away from you, so no regrets.

Lament, those un-swayed by emotion;
Such death, such hearts with erosion.
Drink from cup of Life;
Celebrate, the painful Love potion