The Genie

I lay on my bed. Stare at the ceiling. Its dark blue. Not really dark but sort of like the color of the midnight sky. I try to imagine stars in the midnight sky of my room but no stars appear.

I want the stars to appear so that I can try and connect the dots. Used to be one of my favorite games as a child. Connect the dots. Used to love joining the points with lines to get a picture of what was hidden within. Used to think that I had discovered something magical.

There are no stars now. No magic. I look at the ceiling again and now imagine that the stars are being masked by clouds. Clouds of all shapes and sizes. Clouds that are dependant on the shape and identity I give them. There is a dog. A huge St. Bernard with its tongue hanging out. No I do not like the dog. It’s now a genie. A genie of the sort that appeared in Aladdin. Never liked Aladdin as a child. Used to be more into Beauty and the Beast, and Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

But was always fascinated with the idea of a genie appearing out of nothing but an old lamp. The idea that something out of a lamp could fulfill three of my wishes was sacred. I used to imagine what I would ask for if one day I landed I hands upon such a “magic” lamp.

The thing that used to be number one on my list at one point in time was for the genie to give me a sister. Some one like me. Some one who would like to play house with me. Would like to dress up our dolls. Make magic burgers and tea in my mini kitchen.

I used to also wish for the genie to make me the most beautiful girl in the world. More like my mother.

And last but not least I wanted the genie to give me all the chocolates in the world. Greedy. But chocolates can do that to you. Especially to a six year old.

Now I have a lamp. And a genie. And a whole different set of wishes. The lamp is on my desk. Has been sitting there for the past two years. It was a present from somebody I still love more than he would ever know. He gave it to me once saying that it would fulfill all my wishes and that all I had to do was rub the lamp and tell him the wish and he would be my genie. But now he is gone and just the lamp is there. The lamp without its genie.

The only genie left now is the one made out of the clouds in my midnight ceiling. I look up and it is still there looking at me with an inquiring smile. Tempting me into asking him to answer my three commands. My three most precious desires. I just wish the cloud genie would go away. I do not feel like getting entangled in this mess of wishes right now. So I look around the room ignoring the ceiling and its clouds. Hoping the midnight ceiling would be clear as glass when I do turn back to it.

There is small yellow statue of Buddha on my TV. There are old re-runs of “Goodness Gracious Me” running on the screen. I turn my attention back to the statue. The Buddha is totally yellow in color and sitting in cross-legged contemplation of the problems of this life and world. Has such a serene and peaceful expression on its face. I wonder if it is true that Buddha used to be like this in real life. When he had let go of everything he loved and held dear. When he used to be fasting for days and weeks at an end. How he got that peace on his face I do not know but as I look at the statue I think how nice it would be to feel such peace within. I wish for such peace and calm. And this wishing business reminds me of the genie and I reluctantly look back at the ceiling not sure whether I want the genie to be still there or not.

The cloud genie is sleeping. Curled up and sleeping like a baby. I want to wake him up and ask him to fulfill my three wishes. I do not know what I am wishing for but it was still a comfort when the genie was awake and I knew that I could ask him for anything I wanted. But now he is sleeping and I do not think it to be a good idea to wake him up. What if he wakes up and storms off in anger? What if he just disappears if I try to go near?

I let the white genie be and instead walk to my desk and pick up my golden lamp. It is small and fits easily in the palm of my hand. Its original color seems to be a shiny gold but the shine has worn away with time and touch. It is now a dull gold with a very distinguished antique look. I remember it was exactly like this when I got it. Like it had patiently undertaken decades of sitting on somebody’s shelf or table. I remember how I had asked my friend if he had stolen it from his mother when he gave it to me. As I look back I cannot help but smile at the look on his face when I asked this. It was a look of shock and mild hurt. I had quickly told him that I was just joking. And that is when he told me that this should be my wish lamp and he would be the genie. Or maybe I had said that. Cannot remember clearly enough. But I do remember that he was supposed to be the genie.

I take the lamp and give it a gentle rub. Nothing happens. No genie. Yet. I stroke it again. A bit harder this time. Nothing. I start to get impatient and shake the lamp hard. I rub it one last time and when nothing comes out except grime that wipes off on my palm I put it back on the desk and starts walking back to my bed. As I am walking back I notice a little box of trinkets on my desk. I pick it up and open it. In there is my graduation ring. Silver with my year of graduation engraved on the inner side in a deep color of blue. A shade similar to the color of my ceiling. I look around and notice many blue objects in my room. Never realized truly how much I actually like the color blue.

I slide the ring on my wedding finger but on the other hand. Fits perfectly. Still. One thing that has never changed is my weight and physique. Always the same plus or minus maybe five pounds. Mostly minus.

I leave the ring on and hold the box up to my face. I think of the three most precious wishes I have and breathe them into the box and shut it tight. I take the box and lock it away in my drawer. Some wishes are better kept locked away. Away from getting hurt or destroyed and away from hurting me. I tell myself under my breath to forget about the box and wishes and start walking towards my bed again. This time nothing distracts me and I go and lie down.

I steal a glance at the ceiling to check whether the genie is still sleeping. I do not want to disturb him. But he is not there. He seems to have gently floated away in his sleep. I look towards the window to see whether it helped in the genie’s escape but the window is shut tightly. Still the genie escaped. My genie has left. I say a silent good bye to him and look up at the ceiling again. I imagine the stars and slowly they start to appear one by one. They are back. And now maybe the magic will return too. I smile to myself and start connecting the dots.