Ruzbihan and the Eunuch

Being the smallest in his family, little Ruzbihan had a hard time trying to figure out ways to end his post-marriage misery. Sometimes he thought about divorce, but he knew his mother would kill herself if he did that. Sometimes he thought of committing suicide himself, but then his dead fathers’ spirit would appear in front of him whenever he tried to do something naughty. Hell, the old man was looking at him when he was kissing his ex (fat) girlfriend near the Neela Gumbad. He was haunted! Haunted by his dead father, by his ugly sisters and by his pseudo-human brothers who spent most of their time counting money.

Little Ruzbihan earned everything the halal way, by working in a small dingy office where a few others like him sat on crooked straw 13th century chairs signing papers and shouting out words like ‘oey bhenchod!’ to their sub-ordinates. Oh yes, he worked in a government department, and he hated it. A person like him deserved to be in the World Bank, or maybe underground as a playboy-ish Godfather! He believed in the strength of money, the power of seduction through the red and blue paisa, and women.

But little did our little Ruzbihan realize that what he was about to meet on Eid-ul-Adha was going to make big changes in his life.

After being dragged to the mosque by his brothers, his obnoxious retarded uncles and a few nagging old retired Army men, Ruzbihan sat down on the straw mats arranged neatly on the cold, wet grass. The maulana seated himself (and his fat protruding belly) on the velvet sofa and placed his lips as close to the microphone as possible. And then the sermon began. Deep inside his mind Ruzbihan was elsewhere, and the voices of the maulana filtered through his ears, beaten and forged and reshaped by the dark forces inside his mind and forwarded to his consciousness. All of this happened in nanoseconds, and from the smiles on Ruzbihan’s face one could easily tell that something nasty was happening inside his mind.

“My dear brothers, welcome to the party!” said the maulana inside Ruzbihans head. “Tonight, we shall spill the blood of the Satan! We will please the Lord! Come my brothers, pull out your knives and slay the one who you think has done evil deeds in his life! He who has dared to commit the Sin of Onan and not visited the Region of the Monochromatic Lights to satiate his desire! He who has done nothing but sit on 13th century chairs counting papers and eating daal roti! Brothers, money is power! And I tell you, do not waste any time! Find your money in any way you can! Destroy the poor! Kill them all!”

While Ruzbihan sat on the mat alongside his brothers, his uncles and his dead fathers’ soul, he felt a strange presence near him. Ruzbihan had a strong sixth sense, and he could feel a woman coming closer to him. But this time, he was confused. He closed his eyes, concentrated hard and tried to figure out what this mysterious creature was. The mechanics of his super mind came to life as he used the images gained from extrasensory perception to develop a three dimensional figure of the mysterious human form. Neurons buzzed, cracked and exploded in a sequence. Adrenaline raced through narrow capillaries and his blood pumper pumped more than just blood. Then everything slowly subsided. Neurons stopped cracking, Adrenaline escaped through his skin in the form of cold salty sweat and he opened his eyes.

“Clockwork”, he said. The mysterious human was a Eunuch, one of the most hated community in Lahore.

“Haey saab ji, meiN sud kay jaooN. Ghareeb miskeen ki madad ker! Eid ka din khushi ka din saab ji! Bhala ker!”

Ruzbihan ignored the voice. He knew what it was. But everyone else around his looked up at the strange creature and made faces of disgust.

“Oey! Chal bhaag yahaN say!”, shouted one of Ruzbihans brothers. “Masjid ka mahol kharab kernay aa gaya hai! Chal dafa ho!”

The poor Eunuch scampered away. But as he ran, Ruzbihan looked at him. The Eunuch walked in the most playful way, swinging his dupatta around and swaying his J Lo-ish bottom which traced the shape ‘8’ in the air.

“Infinity”, thought Ruzbihan and looked back at the straw mat he was sitting on, tracing the ‘8’ shape again, and again, and again.

…

After the prayer Ruzbihan didn’t go back home. He wasn’t dying to help his brothers cut the bakra up, nor was he very eager to see the ‘mohallay ki fatso’ aunties bringing pieces of meat for his brothers to fry. Instead, he tried to find the Eunuch. Through narrow alleys he walked, barely soiling his new shalvaar kameez with children’s, dogs and other smaller animals’ excrements. Every girl he looked at was now a Eunuch for him. He watched every dupatta and every pair of large eyes.

“Those eyes!” thought Ruzbihan, as he walked briskly. “How can I forget those eyes?!”

After walking more than 10 kilometers in the mohalla he gave up. He saw colorful children running around, beautiful women and butchers everywhere. He sat down at on some steps that led to the mazaar of some peer faqeer. He stared long and hard on the ground, and very slowly traced the ‘8’ sign with his finger.

Suddenly, his sixth sense powered up and sent powerful signals through his brain.

“Haey saab ji, tu idher kia ker raha hai? Mujhay paisa nahi dea aur ab mairay peechay aa raha hai?”

Ruzbihan looked up at the source of the half man, half woman-ish voice. The beautiful creature was now wearing a tight yellow pajama, a body hugging kameez and a green dupatta with golden gota at its edges. He got up clumsily and stared right into his large piercing eyes.

“Haan, meiN tujhay hee dhoond raha tha” he said, unsure of what to do.

“Well now that you’ve found me, how can I be of assistance?”

Ruzbihan sure was amazed to see the Eunuch speak in such a refined English accent. Immediately he shifted to ‘elite’ mode. He knew what a Eunuch wants to do when he speaks like this. Pulling out a large blue rupee note from his pocket he slid it into the Eunuchs partially visible bra.

“Follow me” said the Eunuch, and with movements more playful then before he led Ruzbihan into the depths of the dark mohalla and into the Region of the Monochromatic Lights. Ruzbihan could sense the change, the change in the faces of the children, the change in the colors of the houses and the change in the voice of the Eunuch. The Region of Monochromatic Lights is forbidden for children of respectable families, and one can see women covering themselves up in a thousand folds of their dupattas as they pull their children away from the entrance to the mysterious mohalla.

“Salaam Tau jaan!” said the Eunuch to an elderly man sitting outside a brightly colored house, busy with his hookah. He didn’t respond. The Eunuch didn’t talk to Ruzbihan as he made his way deftly through the Region of Monochromatic Lights. The houses were tightly packed, but good looking. Everything was painted yellow, dark brown and red. The streets were covered with large transparent fiberglass canopies through which the sunlight came divided into colors. Red, Green, Yellow and Blue. The narrower the street, fiercer the wind would be. Ruzbihan watched the Eunuch as he finally stopped at a large black house with the words ‘Kirpa’ written on the door. The door opened and a tiny child held out his hand without saying a word. The Eunuch handed him the rupee Ruzbihan had given him and asked Ruzbihan to go upstairs.

“No” said Ruzbihan. “I’ve changed my mind!”

The Eunuch glared at him with his large eyes. “Saab ji, I can’t give you your money back now. It belongs to us, the residents of the Region of Monochromatic Lights. The choice is entirely yours; either go back feeling like a complete fool or go upstairs and see the colors.”

“The Colors?”

“Yes.”

Ruzbihans curiosity was increasing every minute. He wanted to know more about the Eunuch. He looked around and saw an empty ground in the middle of the conglomeration of the colorful houses. The canopies cast different colors on the ground and on the faces of the people dancing merrily. Ruzbihan was not interested in the Colors or his rupee note; he held the Eunuch by his hand and walked towards the ground. The Eunuch smiled and followed, quietly sliding his hand out from Ruzbihans grip.

“That’s my family” said the Eunuch. “We dance there every day and every night. We dance under the Colors, not under direct sunshine.” He pointed at the strange black framed lamps handing from hooks on the houses. “Each lamp has a different color. We light them up at night when nothing is visible. White light is a curse for this mohalla.”

“I don’t get it. Why Colors? What do Colors have to do with your way of life? I mean, isn’t it something very ordinary?” asked Ruzbihan, as they seated themselves on a small bench in front of the dancing Eunuchs.

“Every society has a way of life. Every society interacts with other society and learns. People intermingle, inter-society marriages lead to development of more and more societies and thus a sort of Uniformity is attained. This Uniformity is a complex web of predictable, organized actions and events. The Region of Monochromatic Lights is not a part of the Uniformity; we are the secret inhabitants of this forbidden place. Ours is a culture which was born centuries ago and does not believe in the working of the system from which we have just come. There is no Eid here, no Christmas, no Politics or ill work. We live here as free people, die as free people. Tau jaan over there is MA English, and he helped me learn a lot about the world. Infact, he helps all of us learn. We are more educated and cultured then any ordinary outsider you have met. We are sensible educated and rational human beings, not ‘paRhey likhay jahils’. The Region of Monochromatic Lights has a philosophy and a system. The system might not have a meaning, but it has a message. We have to follow the system and accept the philosophy as it is, because that is the only way to save us, the Eunuchs and the Lesser Concubines, from the cruelty of the system outside. We bring outsiders here to please them, and to earn money.”

One of the dancing Eunuchs brushed Ruzbihans cheek playfully with his dupatta and glided away. Ruzbihans new friend, who called himself Noor, jumped up clapping and shouting weird utterances in a language incomprehensible to the outsider’s ear.

“Incomprehensible or Unacceptable?” thought Ruzbihan. He eased himself on the bench as he watched Noor and the others dance in circles to the beat of small dholki. Their faces were happy, not like he faces of the outsiders. The movements of their feet were soft and humble. At every fifth beat of the mesmerizing music they looked up at the colorful canopies and shouted words of praise for God. Oh yes, they loved God more than any outsider. Ruzbihan suddenly realized that he was not being followed by the spirit of his dead father anymore. He felt secure and safe. Away from the system and in the depths of this colorful place he found peace of mind, eternal bliss. By just watching them dance while sitting on the concrete bench gave him more pleasure than anything else. He swayed his head to the beat of the drum, and to the periodic sounds of the payal. Everything was slow and surrealistic. Now Ruzbihan understood what the Colors meant, and why they hated White Light in the Region of the Monochromatic Lights.

He got up and walked around the circle of Eunuchs. He walked in a circle, but the Eunuchs danced in an 8. He walked faster, attempting to encapsulate and preserve Infinity, attempting to collect the infinite happiness within his heart. He walked around them seven times before he was dragged inside the circle, and forced to dance in an 8. The beat of the dholki grew fiercer, the musicians sarangi got louder and changed from happiness to strange kind of sadness. It was not sadness, just happiness at its peak. He cried tears of joy as the Noor and the others danced with him, blocking his view of the outside word, helping him to beat his feet more softly on the ground. He didn’t feel arrogant or proud any more. He realized that he was just Human! And the Eunuchs too were just Humans, just like him.

“Why do they hate you so much”, cried Ruzbihan. “Why?”

“Because we can’t create society! Because to them we are worthless creatures and have no purpose in life! Because we force men to do evil! Because…”

Noor stopped dancing. The dholki beat faster and faster. Every color shone on his face as he stood there in the middle of the 8, in the midst of Infinity.

“Because they think that we are not humans.”

The dholki stopped with a loud ‘dhum’ and the sarangi squeaked it’s last as Tau Jaan signaled them to a stop. He pulled Noor away from Ruzbihan and comforted him. The Eunuchs large eyes were full of tears, and he cried in his hoarse voice as Tau jaan took him inside the black house. The others also left, leaving Ruzbihan standing in the middle of the ground, alone. He was sad and happy at the same time. He didn’t want to go back outside, but he knew that Noor wanted him to.

Ruzbihan walked back to the outside world, watching the Colors on the walls of the houses get faint as he left the canopy covered Region way behind. The White Light returned. He felt his pocket and found the rupee note he had given to Noor.