East and West

“East is East and West is West and never the twain shall meet” is an old saying that may no longer hold true in today’s emerging global village. Yet, some vital differences do remain. This East/West divide has evolved gradually over the centuries. Even now, several differences linger on in the 21st century. For instance, in the vast ocean of humanity tied to the West, some parallel currents of Eastern origin are trying to persist, such as the values of caring and concern.

The following personal observations illustrate the point.

In the East, people feel comfortable living in close proximity to each other whereas people in the West zealously guard their privacy. In fact the preferred Western stance borders on complete seclusion. A quick glance at major South Asian cities such as Bombay, Delhi, Karachi or Lahore reveals that a housing development designed for single-family homes very soon becomes a conglomeration of multiple families living together. Houses built on large plots soon accommodate several sons along with their families crowded together in the same building!

Congested living has its own disadvantages. People are often irritated by lack of space and privacy, but if you ask someone living in crowded Bombay to go and live in, say, foothills of the Himalayas, most people would like to come back to live in crowded Bombay rather than live elsewhere. They may go somewhere else on vacation alone but still on return prefer to live in places teeming with people.

This love of crowded living defies understanding but my guess is that in the East living together as a big family conditions people’s mind to a preference for living in crowded urban cities rather than in suburbs.

Another reason could be paucity of jobs in small towns and villages, or lack of collective facilities such as educational institutions in urban areas.

People tend to have very strong personal ties in the East. These ties can stem from kinship based on family, tribe or friendship. I have observed very strong ties of’ friendship the likes of which are unimaginable in the West. People will go to great length to maintain these ties. Such ties promote egalitarian concern for the poor and the homeless. They encompass all income levels. The rich and ‘the’ poor have ties ‘of their own’ within their (own) ethnic, religious and cultural groups and, unlike the West, these groups are never impersonal. Even slum dwellers have strong ties within their own social and geographic settings. Average people will invariably provide shelter to their grandparents, or aging relatives even though they themselves may have very little space in their home. As the saying goes “space is located in one’s heart, not in physical facilities”.

By Western mores, particularly those in North America, people can work together for years. They may have good working relationships. But when anyone leaves a job or goes to another city then everything that has gone by is forgotten and they will never look back. I have observed people working together for decades - but once they quit a job they never maintain contact with past coworkers. I personally know several people who have lost touch with their relatives such as parents, sons and daughters for a very long time. It may well be that elderly parents are actually homeless - while their sons or daughters live opulently in sprawling houses in the same state! Barring a few exceptions, it is very rare to come across such a phenomenon in the East.

Once on a flight from New York to London, I sat next to an American gentleman. During the flight time, he told me about his life, marriage, divorce, children and job. He was a very pleasant person indeed. As soon as the plane landed at Heathrow airport, he did not even say goodbye and never looked back!

In the East, people tend to keep their friendships over long periods of time. Even those who may have met while travelling together in a train may start life-long friendships. However, among Eastern migrants to the Western countries this trait often does not survive. Even among first generation immigrants the impact of this social and cultural insularity is clearly evident. Of course the next generation of immigrants is being clearly branded with the social and cultural attitudes of the West.

Eastern parents make tremendous sacrifices for their children. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why students with immigrant parents from the East are doing so well. In the USA, immigrants from India, Pakistan, Japan, Korea, and China forego their own comforts and save money in order to send their kids to the best educational institutions in this country. This is generally not true of people with American or Anglo-Saxon backgrounds.

In the West, kids are encouraged to develop independence. They are put in separate bedrooms and play with their own toys. As soon as they are able to make some money, parents motivate them to earn their pocket money. A sense of ownership is developed instinctively and kids want to have their own cell phones, their own computer, TV or other gadgets.

In the East, kids are encouraged to share things. This may be due to low incomes and the high cost of many items that are available inexpensively in the West.

As a result of this early childhood experience children are conditioned to share things with others. This results in building up relationships out of necessity. ‘The consequences of’ this conditioning, however, may not all be positive.

In the East, people need to have relationships that can help them in almost every walk of life. They need a contact in the police, army, civil administration, education etc - just to get on with their daily life. If you don’t happen to know anyone in these sectors then it becomes really difficult to cope with life.

Parents in the East as well as those who are first generation immigrants in Western countries make great sacrifices in order to provide better education and a compatible environment to their children. I personally know a number of people who went so far as to spend their retirement savings and even borrowed money to send their kids to college. In some cases they willingly spent all that they owned on the education and marriage of their kids.

But when the kids grow up they just have no time for their parents! In fact, in some cases parents have been treated like house servants! Here, the next generation is so busy in satisfying their own needs that it completely ignores the sacrifices of the parents.

In the West, children learn very early to become financially independent. As soon as they grow up, they leave their parent’s nest to find their own places in the world. So, when they live on their own, it is understandable that the parents had supported them only up to a certain age. This legacy is passed on to each succeeding generation.

In the West, particularly in North America, people keep moving from place to place without developing any attachment either to their homes, their geographic locations or their community. They feel quite comfortable about moving hundreds of miles away from their place of birth. In the new location, they adapt very easily to new communities and to their new geography’.

Chances are that they never had any strong bonds with their place of birth. So among individuals of’ middle class and higher standing, people can live for years as neighbors and never even know one another. In some areas houses are situated so far apart that they can’t even see the next house! In North America, the reason could well be the immigrant mindset. The United States is a land of immigrants who isolated themselves from their parents, relatives and friends when they came here to start a new life. And that attitude persists.

This aspect of repeated flux can have unintended consequences. As human beings we all need friends and social interaction to cope with personal challenges. Young married couples may need help in child rearing and the elderly need all kinds of help all the time’.

In North America, immigrants from the East don’t have the means to maintain an extended family nearby. I personally know many aged parents who live alone while their kids are scattered all across the continent. These elderly parents shuttle from one place to another which is so unlike the customary view back in their home country of old people living together under a joint family system.

The human race has a common destiny. Both East and West can learn from one another. If a remote village in distant Afghanistan can finally get clean drinking water and electricity it will be as great an achievement for the human race as sending the first man to the moon. The East can offer age-old wisdom and values while the West can provide modern medicines and technology to eradicate the baneful diseases that plague the Third World. Together the inhabitants of planet earth can face the world’s festering challenges of pollution, poverty, prejudice, illiteracy, hunger and malnutrition.