Growing up an American Muslim

"Will everybody please stand?"

I remain seated.

" I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands one nation, under God,
indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

What nation?

Which God?

Liberty? What kind?

Justice? Hah!

My sophomore year homeroom teacher was the only one those four years who would ask me to stand. 'Out of respect', was the term he used. I think he thought I was taking the idea of liberty too far. That, or he did not think of me as a legitimate citizen. Just not as
American as apple pie, which by the way, is Dutch.

"I'm pleased and surprised to see in a list of priorities that after your family, you've placed yourself and your identity as a Muslim, a woman, and a student. Most people wouldn't think of doing that."

I look up from the sheet of paper with my list of priorities on it and meet the eyes of a white Anglo-Saxon Protestant woman who has probably never had to defend who she is to anyone. I choose my words carefully and smile.

"Well Karen, seeing how it is something I'm rarely ever allowed to forget since I choose to not fully acclimate myself to American society and culture, it would be kinda hard to not have it uppermost in my thoughts."

She smiles and nods. That is all the encouragement I need. I launch into a two hour impassioned speech on cultures and growing up outside of ones culture, however, being part of a subculture but not really being able to recognize oneself within that subculture and how it all related to hijab and the first time I had to think about hijab and what it meant to me as opposed to what it was supposed to mean to me, and this and that, and then let me not forget that one time when . Karen has smiled at me, Karen has nodded at me, however, I do not recall seeing her do both at one time after the two hours of what were an almost cathartic experience for me.

"Towel Head!! Go back to your camel riding country! You're related to Saddam aren't ya??"

Gym classes around the nation are an arena of mortification for hand fulls of students. The William Allen Middle School, in Moorestown
, N.J, was no exception. Sometimes I think the Gulf War had nothing to do with it.

I pay the student cashier for my sour cream n onion Pringles and Coke. She looks harassed. She attempts to hand me my bag, fails and backs away.

"Omigod! Your hands!"

I look at the mehndi and wonder. Why did I think college was going to be an enlightened bubble I was going to spend four, hopefully
not five, happy years in? She creeps closer.

"What is that?"

A thought of grabbing her and chanting something in Urdu is pushed to the back of my head while I patiently explain to her what mehndi is, and what it represents.

"Ooohhh!" she says as light bulbs go off. "Like Demi Moore!"

Yeah, I say to myself, Demi Moore invented mehndi.

"The death toll has now risen to 124 people. Our reporter, Leslie Golden, is speaking with Jewish residents in the Bell Mawr district of Pennsylvania.

"Do you feel this hits almost too close to home for you even though Israel is miles away?"

"We are not strangers to violence being aimed at our people and it is indeed a shame that it has to strike in a place like Oklahoma that is known as the heartland of America. We have always felt it to be gratuitous and people can realize how futile and sad it is. It only harms people."

Sameena Baji's neighbor told her not to leave her house and that she would bring them food and anything else they needed till all of this blows over. Just because her husband has a beard does not mean he did it. I'm sure her neighbor just means well. The reporter is now saying that they have stopped an Arab man boarding a plane from Chicago. I wonder if its Hamas related or has to do with the Israel-Palestinian conflict. But why Oklahoma? Timothy McVeigh?? That's not a Muslim name ..is it? Wait! It wasn't Muslims!!

Relief washes over me followed by mortification. I was convinced it was Muslims.

"Hey everyone! I mean, Salam-e-laikum. I'm going to be moderating this discussion about Muslim image in the media. Thank you all for showing up to this American Muslim Alliance event. Forums like these open up avenues for us to be able to voice our opinions and have support from fellow Muslims. As well as dealing with how Muslims are portrayed negatively in the media, I would like to draw everyone's attention to this article that Newsweek has published in their March 16th issue. It shows what being an American Muslim is about in the 90's. Gone is the Muslim that terrorizes everyone and is replaced by a Muslim who fights for space to read namaz on his/her campus, a Muslim who wears hijab but also the latest from Tommy Hilfiger. The Muslim who is having less of a hard time defining who s/he is. This is not in any way designed to make our discussion any less important, because as we all know, there is an enormous amount of work that still needs to be done. We are here today, because we care and because we feel that we can do something about it. As mostly second generation Muslims, we do not have to deal with a lot of the heat our parents had to deal with, or the discrimination or even, the barriers, like language that they had. This allows us to express ourselves in so many ways that our parents were not able to do. Growing up here, has not been the easiest of all things but as long as we keep fighting and struggling, hey, it's all good. Okay, I can see that Mo is dying to speak so let me, briefly, yes, I said briefly Mo, turn the floor over to him."


Growing up an American Muslim has been a hard thing for me to do. I have seen friends dealing with two identities. One Muslim and one American. My struggle has been uniting the two and justifying that unification. My struggle has made me a much stronger person and I feel has given me character. It has given me the opportunity to stand up firmly for what I believe in. It has forced me to evaluate situations where most growing up in the United States do not find themselves. Also, my struggle has given me hope. What kind of hope? The hope that as long as we do not accept the substandard level at which Muslims in this country are treated, the substandard level at which Islam is portrayed and the substandard level that we as individuals find ourselves tenaciously holding on to, things can change. I will no longer have to assume that terrorism is only orchestrated by Muslims worldwide, I will no longer have to chew off the ear of a woman who indicated with a smile and a nod an inclination to learn of the inner struggle which reminds me time and again, I am Muslim, and I will no longer have to remain silent when called a towel head. Plagiarizing a bit from Billie Myers, I would like to say, that I am holding on to letting go. Because when we are able to let go of our substandard levels, we as Muslims, can open ourselves up to a society that can accept us for what we are not i.e. Apple pie. Hope leads me as far to believe that when I have kids of my own, and when they do their growing up as American Muslims, their experiences will not be as positive as mine but much more positive then mine. They will not have to deal with name calling or considering oneself a second class citizen because of the stigma of terrorism that follows us around. They will have an enriching as experience as mine. These experiences have made me who I am. A 20 year old, outspoken, witty, charming, beautiful American Muslim woman, and proud of it.