I Cheat Therefore I Am

Face it: Desis (South Asians for the anally politically correct) make it by bending the rules, twisting people's arms, and surreptitiously
screwing with the normal avenue to success. This is especially true of those of us who are supposed to be in the clean
up-and-up Western model. In school we steal exam answers, cheat on homeworks, lie to family/friends/teachers, and scam better scores
for ourselves. Everyone rates success on a different scale, but no desi feels good about their accomplishments unless they screwed with
the system somehow to achieve a goal.

Desi University students would not enjoy themselves if they didn't acquire course credits through shady means at least once. Job applications
would be sheer tedium if breaking into the career office at night wasn't so easy. Interviewing at multiple companies throughout the
country would not be fun if we couldn't get reimbursed at first class rate instead of coach. Promotions would be
lackluster if someone else didn't get demoted/downtrodden in the process. Ideally that self-promotion/other person's demotion would come about by some underhanded method.

You misunderstand me if you think I'm being critical. I love the lying, cheating, stealing, and scamming. It's what gives me life. It's what
gives me a thrill. I'd much rather screw over authority than go along with it as long as I don't get caught. Without daily affirmations of my
own pathetic efforts at shiftiness, I would be a husk of a human being stepping through the motions with no purpose.

This doesn't apply to you? I don't believe you.
Attention All Desis who have deny lying, cheating, stealing, or scamming: You Lie. Attention all who failed at lying, cheating, stealing, or scamming: you did a poor job of it.

Desi-amreekans like to think of themselves as above the pushing, shoving, smelly masses that crowd the bazaars of Karachi, but we're
essentially the same except we use deodorant. Cover up the smell, but continue with the smelly deeds requisite of upward mobility. Some say that
it's hard work that succeeds. True enough: hard work at finding just the right sneaky gig to get ahead with as much deviousness for
enjoyment, but not too much to be noticeable. The one unique aspect: we often band together in groups in concerted efforts at tricking
our whitey masters. Our efforts are at this time the most elegant and beautiful. One day, concerted desi scams should be collected into a
museum of delinquency for all to admire.

Our most cherished phone calls to the home country are those that we get for free from some stolen calling card or hacked-up phone.
Buying a car under the invoice price is orgasmic for us. Successfully padding onto our tax deductions with false additions is the ultimate.
Plagiarism, a classic no-no in Amreeka, is nearly a way of life for us. What better joy can there be but to earn superior status based on
someone else's effort?

I thank God for giving us devious minds that feel little guilt at messing with the system at any chance possible. May our
sneaky methods persist forever.