Upon the return of a Desi

People who live abroad, leave behind friends and families with whom they have spent their childhood. They come back and
find themselves not belonging to their own people. Some feel like misfits and others feel as if they cannot relate. There are a number of reasons why this happens.

To put it concisely, a desi who has been to the west comes back influenced by a different value system. Whereas, a native who
has not been exposed cannot relate to the change in his counterpart. This leads to a sort of conflict - some call it reverse culture
shock.

To understand this phenomenon, we need a perspective on the two different cultures. It is an established fact that the East and
the West have different value systems. Though the west has successfully convinced the world of its cultural superiority, and has
marketed these concepts well globally (democracy, commercialism etc.), it has done that because its economy's huge surpluses
require it to do so. The others have adopted the wrapping but not the contents.

More specificly, in the case of the Sub-Continent, it started with the coming of the British East India Company and the
introduction of tea. It continues with Nescafe, Marlboro and Levi's. While colonialism has ended, the trend towards
westernization continues all over the world. It is supported by a combination of marketing, media and money (also known politely as
foreign investment).

This globalization of western culture has put our society in a transitional stage. This transition involves the adoption of western
laws, system of government, and educational curricula, followed by western products and services. However, the transition will
only be complete when the core western values - freedom of thought, individual liberty and secular humanism - are integrated into
our culture. In fact, even the west is constantly striving to advance these values further into their societies.

We are at that stage of this evolution where we have wholeheartedly embraced western products, services and images but we
still cling to our own basic eastern and religious values. For example our young men wear blue jeans but how many would find it
acceptable that their sisters do the same in public. We all like instant coffee not because it saves time (which is why westerners
prefer it to fresh ground coffee since time is money, but because it gives us a more westernized i.e.
sophisticated image. If saving time was a priority for us, teabags would have outsold open tea (at least in our urban areas). We
are imitating rather than absorbing western styles. For a practical demonstration, just tune into one of the Pakistani local radio stations, FM 100, and listen to the DJs. Are they Pakistanis trying to sound like Americans? Or Americans trying to sound like
Pakistanis. Perhaps they are Pakistanis trying to sound like Americans who sound like Pakistanis.

Parroting of western culture has created a shell around our eastern core. Thus, when we encounter an expatriate, both
individuals become conscious of both the shell and the core. The person returning from abroad immediately senses the disparity
between his counterpart's image and values, which he characterizes as hypocrisy and superficiality. He feels he can no longer
relate to the people he has known all his life because while living abroad he was conditioned into buying the whole western
package, contents included.

We, on the other hand, belong to a society where the individual is superceded by society. We as individuals are less important
than our family which in turn is less important than our tribe and so on. We have such a strong desire to belong to some group
that we are willing to let that group define our identity. This in itself is not a negative characteristic of our culture. In fact it will be
a great asset when our corporate bodies compete on a international scale. This trait is also shared by the Japanese people and
is considered by many to be the key to their economic success. Elements of corporate success such as teamwork,
collaboration and loyalty all stem from this desire to belong and conform.

When we meet a long separated returnee, we desire to draw him back into our group but he is trying to assert his individualism
and we conclude that he is not being able to "fit in". Even those amongst us who have never left our community and want to stay
close to our cultural roots are branded as Paindu, loser, uncool, backward, fundo, conservative, and cheapster. On
the other hand, those of us who go beyond what we consider as the "appropriate" adaptation of the west are labeled as
ultra-mod, fast, wannabe, floozie, bimbo, and once again, cheapster.

So what can we do to put ourselves and someone back from abroad at ease? Give them time - and ask them to do the same
for us.