Caution: Criminal Aliens you may be removed!

Imagine coming to the US for the first time after travelling for 24
hours, with stops in Abu-Dhabi, turbulence over Europe, delays in
London, only to be sent back promptly? In your excited anticipation of
a new country, you're told by the guy at the window, that your visa is
fraudulent, your passport is improper, the scar on your left cheek
reads, "I'm coming to America to make dollars and commit crimes
against Americans". So follow me and get out!

Since April 1997, under a process called "expedited removal",
Immigration can remove any alien arriving at their ports if they have
fraudulent or improper documents. Recently, friends told a story where
expedited removal was exercised on a couple of musicians coming to
perform for a classical dance concert. Imagine the shock, anger and
disappointment! The only image available to me was of Abida Parveen's
"tabaljees" whom I spoke with after a concert two years ago. I imagine
their faces white, as a pink spotted, immigration officer, decked in
blue, tells them they must return to Pakistan; all the promises, and
things-to-get-back-from-America, the photos, the tourism, the concert,
and Imran Khan fundraisers - down a dark gutter. They are assisted to
a small room, where they await the next flight home.

They ponder. Perhaps they spent five hours waiting in a line in
Lahore. Perhaps they spent five hours packing meticulously, sharing
intangible dreams with relatives and little ones, only to be deported.

Immigration law is infested with a racist fear of the alien and if the
word alone does not convey enough, look at your passport. If it does
not stamp citizenship across your forehead, consider yourself an
alien. Immigration does not care whether you are a degree-holding,
H1-possessing alien, a sweet F-1 struggling-with-deciding-your-major
alien, a political asylee from Afghanistan-alien, or a family
immigrant sponsored by your mamoo-phuphi-alien. If you do certain
things, you are deportable! Without intending to sound drastic, a word
of caution is only necessary.

What makes you removable? Crimes, terrorism, polygamy, smoking pot and
getting caught too often, violating the terms of your visa.

For starters, all crimes are a no-no. If you've been here for less
than five years, then one criminal conviction and you're out. If
you've been here for more than five years, than 2 criminal
convictions, and you're caught behind the wicket. Usually, these are
crimes of "moral turpitude". Moral turpitude is a term of art in
immigration law. Any attempt to define it would be futile, so "read my
lips", and despite the biblical connotations of the term, make your
own assessment. Not intending to compile a comprehensive list, suffice
to say that at times, this term includes simple assault, issuing bad
checks, adultery, bigamy, fraud or tax evasion, illegal use of credit
cards, mail fraud, perjury and malicious trespass!

Second, any sign of a conviction for an aggravated felony and you're
back on first base. Again, "aggravated felony" is a term special to
Immigration law. General rule of thumb: when in doubt, it is an
aggravated felony. Aggravated felonies include theft, murder, receipt
of stolen property, obstruction of justice, bribing a witness,
counterfeiting and forgery. Again, a conviction and a sentence of at
least one-year are required. If William Clinton wasn't a citizen, and
if convicted, he may have been deportable.

Third, forget about drugs! So if you revel in an occasional joint or
so, think again. Any drug conviction and you're out. The only drug
related exception is - if you've been convicted once for possessing
less than 30 grams of dope, with the innocent intent of smoking it in
the privacy of your home, then you're okay. But, if you get convicted
a second time for the same thing, pack up for home.

The list of deportable crimes goes on. Besides crime, terrorism, an
all-American favorite will render you removable. And terrorist
activity is defined broadly, so you don't have to be an Osama bin
Laden disguised as an old lady attempting to enter the US, or found
surreptitiously planting bombs in the world trade center basement to
be removed from US property. Check out Section 212(a)(3)(B)(ii) of the
Immigration and Nationality Act. Terrorist activity is defined and
includes among several other thing, "soliciting funds" for a terrorist
organization or a terrorist government. Who defines a terrorist
government or organization? A rhetorical question, your guess is as
good as mine.

If crimes and "terrorism" are of zero concern to you, besides
occasional viewing pleasure on cop shows and films on the terrorist
belt, alienage is still a disability. If you have a visa, like an F
student visa, and you drop that killer physics class and decide
instead to work for Professor Deport Heinous, way in excess of your 20
or however many hour allotment, then you may have violated the terms
of your student status. The Attorney General is at discretion to
request information of foreign students from their universities. And
when you return from a trip abroad, there is a minute-minute, but not
negligible, possibility that INS may have some tricks in store for
you, if they think you have violated your student status.

Also, "assisting, aiding, abetting" people into the US will be grounds
for your inadmissibility. So look around next time and check for id's
when you to drive across the US-Canada border or row your canoe across
the Atlantic. And for that matter, don't misrepresent any material
fact at the Golden Gate of the US, because they may send you sailing
or flying back, without regard to weather conditions. Also, if you
have a wife or husband at home, please don't get married a second
time. Not only may you hurt their feelings, you will be inadmissible
and deportable as an alien coming to practice polygamy in the United
States. Get a divorce first!

And on this polygamous note, immigration law continues in the dark
ages, armed with racist images of impoverished aliens who commit
crimes, foster terrorism, take American slots in the workforce, and
constantly tell lies. Do you have any stories to share?