Motherland Tales

She was not sure. She was told it was good for her.

Good? Then why the delusionary nihilism? What is so good about reverse percussion born of cacophony? It was an intensely confounding experience. Did she walk into it untamed? Did she acquiesce? Did she luxuriate? She had hazy recollections of that impetuous moment.

Hordes were always attracted to her. She was a natural beauty. She failed to comprehend their attraction for her. There was nothing incongruous about her. She did not have ostentatious wealth, beauty or brains. Only adequate. Like most do in their own way.

Even now in her fifties she exuded a mystical animal magnetism mixed with tormented rage difficult to surmise. Strange as it appears, there were many who would transgress, oppress or infringe for her. When she was younger this magnetism was bereft of any disillusions. Now of any illusions.

There were tall, fair complexioned, blue eyed ones in her large and mixed family as well as short dark skinned ones. And all other hues in between. They lived all over the land. Some forged alliances. Some were between alliances. Some always fought over or with another.

People talked behind her back about her natural parents. Though most agreed about one of them, there were heated debates and arguments over the other. She found it alternately amusing and confusing.

Even after the passage of half a century she could not make up her mind about her home. Or homes to be precise. After the now famous rupture she found herself in her father’s home. She loved that home but in pensive moods she would wistfully long for her mother’s home. And then there were many other occasions when she would hanker for her grand parent’s ancestral home.

Without prioritization these emotive longings caused constant anguish and turmoil. They said this indecisive tussle cost her inner peace.

Another characteristic that troubled her constantly was her inability to manage finances. Not that she lacked intelligence. She trusted too easily and others took advantage of her. Some hinted that austerity was not in her genes. There was some truth to it too.

She used to wistfully recall her first courtship. She was torn asunder while being pursued by an aristocrat from far off lands who was almost always accompanied by three servants: the one from the mountains was fair and of medium built; the two from the central plains were both dark skinned, one skeletal and the other obese. The other suitor was more royal than the Emperor. Even his servant was a rotund aristocrat. She liked them all. Her allure, her allective knew no bounds. She belonged to the whole world. She was faulted for being so placable and so accessible.

She also had a non-identical twin. That was another thing she was indecisive about. Whether she grasped or appreciated her twin at all. Did she care or did she not? Though oft times they had common suitors, she never felt any twinge of jealousy or outrage toward her non identical sibling.

For a few years after that cesarean assault she stumbled from one minor infraction to another. Mostly mundane and not serious. The old suitors drifted away. Some by choice others by destiny.

A wily sinecured public servant often smiled at her now and publicly courted her. She was uncharacteristically indifferent to him. But her lack of encouragement was misread by him and his cohorts as her weakness. One day she woke up in his bed. She accepted her fate without a shrug. If her family could tolerate him, she could too.

After a few years destiny intervened and she was alone and free of him. She saw other men. None held her interest for any length of time. Then emerged a tall balding man with an imposing glare that could instantly melt into a charming smile. They bought a new house in the foothills. The next few years were uneventful, almost happy and blissful. Then trouble started brewing in the extended family. Things were alluded to. Things were accomplished. Violence broke out. Amidst hints of impropriety this man, broken hearted, left her for good. Others started vying for her attention more openly now.

After a short tussle another aristocrat of mixed and dubious heritage emerged from the pack to sweep her off her feet. Almost.

She waltzed with him, but not for long. An insidious suitor was already maneuvering in the wings. He had Machiavellian charm. His bedazzled everyone around him. He oozed sincerity. But away from his physical presence one saw a different picture. He was an uncanny and caged animal in his vehemence. He even used gods as if they were his plaything.

Before destiny struck and removed him, he caused mayhem in the family. Some say he caused irreparable damage. Others heaved a sigh of ‘khas kum, jahaaN paak’ after he disappeared.

She was still irresistible, vehement and vainglorious. Suitors galore thronged at her feet. But none stayed for long, as if perhaps ordained. She would often wonder late into the night. Why? What was it about her that they still vie for her affection but do not etch an ever lasting impression? Her charms, beauty, wealth, brains, urges ---- at least some if not all should enable them to make their permanent home in her heart. Why do they always leave her? How long will they continue to court her? What will happen if her magnetism and beauty fades?

But such introspective moments were few and far in between for her. She constantly found herself surrounded by an army of admirers and detractors.

(Note from the author: The ending is deliberately ambivalent. Readers are invited to suggest suitable ending.)