He Said, She Said

dear ms. bhutto:

…as is usual…your quotes are in parenthesis followed by my comments…

[…Yet the bouquet the general most yearned for remained outside his reach. He failed in his bid to derail Pakistani democracy…]

---wait…w ow…how do we know that he attempted that?…or he wanted that?…what are your sources for this revelation?…intuition?



[…In Washington he surprised audiences by declaring, "you want the label of democracy. Okay. I will put a label" making it clear that dictatorship would continue under re-labelling. His foreign secretary advised discretion. But the general, being "forthright" when needed, made the same statement at his next meeting…]

---do i detect grudging admiration or jealousy?…i am not supporter of the baton boys but in his defence i have to admit that he comes off more forthright than you ever did…publicly!…and chowk’s representative tahmed who did attend the washington meetings did not report on that to us…think we should reprimand him for this oversight?…

[…This places General Musharraf in a quandary. Fair elections, according to political indicators, mean the return of the popular Pakistan People's Party and its leadership. This the general has, rather unwisely, sworn to oppose - and boxed himself into a corner…]

---there we go…another can of worms…fair elections…now…whose definition shall we adhere by?…you are on record as having declared all elections you lost as ‘unfair’;)…then there also is the minor crystal-gazing that assumes on your part that ppp would be ‘returned’…hmmmm….suppose that rotunda-in-jeddah could claim the same!…and thanks for the added insight of the baton-boy painting him in a corner…well, well….

…some may suspect that you are a ‘democrat’ only because it affords you a crack at that chair again and again and again!…otherwise there is nothing even remotely democratic about a chairperson for life….haiN ji?!…

…oh… my moles also tell me that you could very well be back in that pm’s chair…(the post not the person)…once the khaki has fixed the leak in the tub and restored 58-b permanently …(for the novice: 58-b is the provision whereby the corp-commanders or their representative can send any pm on a cruise anytime they feel the occupant has outgrown their britches)…

…or by the same token anyone could be back…it would not matter in the least then…

[… And the more the general fights the opposition, especially the ladies, the less heroic he looks to his own men. Muslim culture venerates women as mothers and sisters. Men who lock them up lose respect….]

---hey saminashah what do you think?….about time pinky took up gender causes?…here is another can of worms…women…muslim culture….losing respect…how come you did diddly-all about hara-kiri, honour killing etc.?…

[…Caught in the bind between culture and politics, the military regime considers passing a law preventing a political leader from contesting for chief executive thrice. The problem is that any law the regime passes needs parliamentary ratification. And the laws that the parliament ratifies depends on whether the elections are engineered or fair….]

---even the dust …from long dead justice munir’s remains… can pick up and run away with the gaping flaws here….bibi…ever hear the sindhi equivalent of jis ki laathi oos ki bhaiNs?…

[…The first issue pertains to the release of political prisoners, the return of the exiles and the withdrawal of politically motivated cases that ran their course and remain unproven in their sixth year….]

---hmmmmm…suppose I agree with you…but wait…do you mean the release of all political prisoners, the return of all exiles, the withdrawal of all politically motivated cases over six years old?…or are we only talking of those against the ppp (and their related family) members?…in which case my agreement is withdrawn…

[… The second logjam is on the proposed law banning a person from election as a chief executive for the third time….]

---is this so?…damn…this is unfair…I agree with you…hajj say pehlay her billi ko nau sou choohay marnay ki ijazat honi chahiyay…hay na?;)

[…The third logjam is on the opposition insistence that certain election modalities be adopted to ensure fair elections in name rather than in labelling…causes the most apprehension among the military regime. It apprehends that if there are fair elections, a popular party leader can influence the Assembly from Dubai, London or Washington…]

---get this straight…and remember you heard this on chowk first…shrimati-you, sri-sri-payaa, the khaakhi, the pir of bhai-bhai, unilaterlist mono-syllabled dubya….nobody….nobody….can afford the fallout of fair elections in pakistan…none of you have in you what it takes to stand the wrath of the awaam…

[…The absence of fair elections condemns Islamabad to continuing instability. The new premier can blackmail the president by threatening to join with the democratic opposition….]

---you wish…you pray!…not the prayer-rug kind…the isi would have a thick dossier on any new interim premier…that is if i go by past standards…all full of juicy details and dealings…and you know s/he would not be in a position to blackmail the khakhis…

[… This is what Premier Junejo did in the eighties taking generals from their plush Mercedes Benz limousines and putting them in small Suzuki cars. He defied them on other issues too, such as the Geneva process relating to Afghanistan. Such defiance strained his relations with the military president….]

---don’t remind me of this please…i k now….i know….you learned this lesson so well that you never touched the khakhi budget…just kept your distance…didn’t ya?

[…He (junejo) was dismissed, of course ostensibly for corruption and incompetence….]

---wrong there…you were dismissed twice for corruption, incompetence, extra-judicial killings, nepotism…mr. junejo got canned because he did not cover his rear when moving on the khakis…by all accounts…he was nowhere on the charts as far as corruption or power abuse is concerned in comparison to you and your family…

[...It is expected that rigged elections can allow extremist elements to hijack domestic opposition…]

---hmmm…you fear islamists?…you think that beards would adversely affect the fortunes of ‘domestic’ parties?…

[…Thus a fair election is important to Pakistan's national interest although a few persons may see it as damaging to their personal interest…]

---what gall my dear chairperson for life!…look yourself in the eye…let us talk about free and fair elections in ppp first…and not once…but on a regular basis and then have the temerity to speak of free and fair elections in pakistan

[…Pakistanis decry Musharraf's inability to get Islamabad's debt written off. They cite his poor negotiating skills. After all, Egypt, Jordan and other countries managed to get their debts written off in incidents of international crisis. Musharraf, unaware of economic intricacies, got Pakistan's debt "restructured". Restructuring is a euphemism for adding on debt. Now Islamabad has double the debt that it had earlier. The difference is that the payment will start in post-Musharraf period. His regime gets the benefit and the unborn children get the punishment….]

---here I am in full agreement with you…will pass on your suggestion to that aziz fellow…

[…Prime Minister Koizumi, as leader of a country that knows the devastation caused by nuclear attack, would also have spoken to General Musharraf about nuclear affairs. Tokyo has urged Pakistan to continue its moratorium on nuclear testing. It has urged the country to sign the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty. And the leaders must have discussed these issues too…]

---why do I get a distinct feeling that you are playing to the gallery here?

[…But the issue that would have troubled the military leader most was the issue of democracy and the holding of fair elections. It is a tune that is sung wherever he goes…]

---yeah…ensconced in their ‘weather’ protected secure environments all of them gave him similar advice…and then some shared jokes and winks and drinks with him later…and the thing that counts most these days…favours and kindly looks of the mastah…is not too dependent on servicing democracy…lip service is fine …as long as their objectives are met…



[…continued economic support to Pakistan is contingent on the restoration of the democratic process through the holding of fair, free and impartial elections. And the disempowered people of Pakistan appreciate that message…]

---bitiya beware the fury of unwashed…sorry…the ‘disempowered’ people…when they rise…and rise they will some day soon…the world will not have witnessed fury like theirs…that day will be worse than qayamat or any other day or reckoning…yes…you read it here…on chowk…

yours sincerely,

temporal