Losing It

Losing it can always be a problem. This holds true for most of the cultures and religions. But since I belong to one culture therefore I can only be specific to one. The beloved Lahori culture known only for its eating and ‘Heera Mandi’. This is the city where I spent my youth. There is no denying here that losing it in Karachi can be quite different from losing it in Lahore, and a hell lot different from losing it in Peshawar. I am not actually trying to create some suspense over here; it is just that I did not want to start with losing your virginity as my first line.

Some of my friends who may kill me on reading this had some dramatic experiences but I did not decide to write about it until my own experience. I used to laugh at their stories but in the end I think my story tops all their stories. I think I am also more sensible than some of my friends as I have not disclosed this to anyone until now. This is a rule that must be followed if you want to keep your reputation without a blemish. This will also help during your ‘rishta’ referencing as one of your friends inner conscience can awaken anytime time and he may reveal the truth about your evil nature and rescue an innocent and supposedly virgin girl from falling into the hands of a man involved in sex and ugly habits. For some reason the ugly habits always come with sex in our culture. Once your rishta is done then it is relatively safe to write about it under an anonymous name especially if your wife knows about it.

Usually it all starts after crossing twenties. The ones who have lost virginity before twenties are more adventurous and in their case it is more accidental then planned or it is usually with a professional. After all no denying that very few girls are ready to give up their virginities for some pleasure because there is only one path for a sinful girl and that is suicide. Also the girls before entering twenties usually think like an Indian/ Pakistani movie (our generation ones). In those movies first intercourse always meant getting married immediately as a newborn will be arriving soon and if you are not pious enough to commit suicide without marriage then you will have to afterwards when your parents find out about the baby. No wonder family planning organizations are having a hard time to convince people that condoms work.

Anyways all people come with their theories about sex and virginity. The one I enjoyed most was from a friend of mine. He said, “I was not able to lose virginity in spite of my efforts in the last 10 years, so I have decided to save it for a few more years and face my wife as a virgin”. Environment always affects our thinking!. Another theory was, “I expect my wife to be a virgin so I will stay like this”. I think now that even if his wife wasn’t, he would not have been able to tell and must be worshipping her like a goddess. This also comes in the typical Pakistani culture. Girls are always usually better and when men fall in love they are not usually expected to do anything less than worshipping her.

Love also usually comes with sex as there aren’t many girls available for just the sex or one night stands. I have never seen a more predictable person than a person in love. I remember one of my friends had a girl friend who had an IQ of definitely less than 80. This is not just my statement there was a vast agreement on it. Anyways another one of my friend had a girl friend who had an IQ of 150 plus. But in love they used to say and do the same things. I once told the guy with 150 plus girl friend that the under 80 girl does and say the very same things and Salim can also have sex with her. My friend was not happy at all with me at that comparison and did not speak to me on this topic after that. By the way the name Salim is used for our neighbors understanding as this seems to be the most popular name for Muslims in Indian movies.

Pre marital sex can be a real big problem and the biggest social sin in Pakistan. I can still laugh any time when I think about the frustration of this guy passing in front of ‘Butt Karahi’ shop in Lahore that had Kaporas(testicles of goat) on display for eating. He said, “You know, one day I will cut off my testicles and put them on display over here. At least there will be some use for them”.

I know that I am straying away from the topic but this is unavoidable, as it comes with so many social add ons. You see sex always has to be wrapped in some philosophical argument or maybe just plain pure love as other wise you are just a pervert or a sex maniac. I chose the first wrapper for myself and my argument was, “I want to get over sex and be more progressive and productive in my society. I want to get this off my head and then think about the rest of the things in my life”. I also made slight amendments to the religion and brought it down to a sin of a lower level. I had such a hard time convincing myself about sex not being a religious and social sin and now think one of my friends was much better who said straight that he wants to have sex. He found a girl, the day was announced, my car was acquired for the purpose and during the night at 4 O clock I got a call from him as he was feeling ‘weak’ and wanted to go to ‘Puraani Anarkali’ for a glass of lassi. Before putting the receiver down, I did get a thought about the state of the poor girl considering the size of the guy. To this day we joke about his lassi episode. I think he said it in that confessional state that men are usually known to fall into after sex. By the way we still think that nothing happened that night.

Anyways mine was philosophical sex, as we were both. The girl did not care about virginity issue and had already lost it somewhere in the levels of intellect. If this girl were to sing I would have named her cassette ‘Supposed Former Intellectual Junkie’. I discussed it with one of my trust worthy friend and he just marveled at my luck as you don’t usually get such girls in Pakistan. The girl was just not worried and I was just being too cool about it. The place was decided and it was all set. During the sex, I was thinking if a girl smokes during breaks in sex then does this mean she is enjoying it? Maybe someone can answer it. My wife thinks this depends about the timing of smoke. Anyways, things were going cool, I was doing just well, “Start with a bit of romanticism, do caress and then make your move and never forget the condom”. When I was done with it, something strange happened. I checked the accessories and there was definitely something missing. You know no body should have to say this to a girl in that situation but I had to. I did not have much time to think. I just managed a smile and said, “Where’s the condom?” I couldn’t find it. I think this was the first time the girl actually became involved in sex.

“Whatttttt ? Why are you asking me”.
“Well (long pause), I can’t find it”
“Koi kaam sahee nahin hota” (You cant do anything right)

Thank God she only said this, as it could have been a lot worse. After that it was found and properly disposed. Aids and baby were the thoughts that came to my mind but the most immediate worry was what if my friends find out?. After a few days I brought the girl into one of those intellectual discussions and inquired if she will tell this to anyone. She said yes maybe, but I think after crossing forties. I took a sigh of relief and since then I started taking care of the rest of the things in my life.