The Dark Chocolate

“This is the story of my ‘Dark Chocolate’ Dr. Macaw”.

Standing against long glass window panes of her room clad in a dark auburn night gown, Charlotte appeared to me like a white angel in a brown dress -- the one pictured in the book of Gospels. The groove between bony shoulder blades at her back looked to be where her lost wings had been once attached.

“You must be wondering why after ten long years I suddenly opted to break my silence my dear Macaw. I recovered through your tremendous treatment a few years back but I pledged myself not to speak until that day comes. And today is that day, Doc.” Charlotte stared outside at the setting sun as if she was waiting for something to appear from the thick woods of the yard in front of my rehabilitation center.

Charlotte had been under my treatment for the past ten years. How could I forget that day? Charlotte was brought to me in a state of mental shock or P.T.S.D. (post traumatic stress disorder) as it is called in our psychiatric terminology. The story her family told was usual. Typically the outcome of sudden, prolonged and severe kind of stress results in complete shutdown of senses from the external world. Patients draw themselves in their internal world.

Generally this is temporary and with proper psychotherapy, the right medications and good care from family and friends it resolves. But in Charlotte’s case the episode stretched on for ten painful years.

I knew she had recovered a few years back but a lot of unresolved issues needed to be tackled. There was some mysterious secret, some dark truth shrouded deep within the meshes of her neurons and dendrites which she had been hiding with mastery of a classically guarded persona. I tried my best to gather every detail of her past through long sittings with her caring and conscientious family members, and by carefully taking notes from her journals and her poetry, but I found nothing profound or out of the ordinary.

She was an introverted, complex, and sensitive girl born in the midst of smart, good looking, assertive, high achievers and competitive people. She was unlike the rest of the family in her physical features and her behavior. Her two older sisters were beautiful. Charlotte’s features looked flat under their bulk of fat. Moreover she was the only one in family who was scared of petty things.

Her mother told me once of her nightmares. Her sisters told me she made weird sounds in night as if being strangled. And when they asked her about it she would say with a chuckle, “Oh, I had such a great sleep. I don’t know what you guys are talking about.”

According to her mother, “she loved reading and sleeping. She worked and stayed awake until all hours of the night and went to bed at 4.00a.m like her father, but that infuriated me. I argued and scolded her many times. My other children and I were early risers.”

Her poetry showed clearly her guilt of not being able to live up to the standard set by the rest of her family. Her mother was worried about her obesity and her indifference to it. Being a fitness addict herself and a famous athlete of her time she was rightfully concerned about her fat child. But neither Charlotte’s mom nor anybody from her family saw a hidden artist behind those thick layers of adipose tissues.

A fresh spring breeze arrived in Charlotte’s life after 25 gloomy seasons of her youth when she found the love of her life. In order to gain approval of her mom and in quest of her favorite subject of occult studies she joined a renowned Yoga club. There she met her instructor ‘Shyaam Daas’.

Shyaam Daas was a Hindu Brahman boy from ‘Banaras’. Under his guidance, love and devotion, she lost a tremendous amount of weight. The boy had eastern, enchanting charms. He was the tall dark and handsome type. Though he had a stub nose, his straight black hair styled in Roger Moore fashion; dusky complexion, sparkling big black eyes, long eye-lashes, and luscious lips must had won him many damsels. But Shyaam’s heart fell for Charlotte instantly. Shyaam was the only person who accepted Charlotte for what she was, as Charlotte wrote in her journal.

But the details delivered to me from Charlotte’s family clearly showed that Shyaam had ditched her. As Charlotte’s older sister put it, “Shyaam was a loser, a spineless man, who played with my innocent sister’s heart. When he knew how strongly he was chained to his family customs, why did he solemnly swear in front of my family that he would marry my sister and planned every detail of wedding with us? The gutless man did not even bother to leave a note or give a call. Had he been in the U.S.A we would have tracked him down or… if …Charlotte would have said something; we would’ve definitely strived our best to bring her ‘Dark Chocolate’ back to her. But Charlotte never spoke since that day”. Her sister enlightened me about Charlotte as she elaborated on what happened.

“All of us were busy downstairs to entertain our guests, gathered for Charlotte’s and Shyaam’s wedding when we heard her screams. That was the last time we heard her voice. We found her on floor in her room, dressed in her dark auburn wedding gown, hysterically crying, trembling like she had an attack of epilepsy. Her favorite dark brown chocolate wrapped loosely within her white wedding veil was clenched close to her chest. We did not find any clues about what had shocked Charlotte and brought her to that state. Was there a call from Shyaam or any note? Or had Shyaam visited her?
But no one saw anybody enter or exit her room that day or find any trace of phone calls or notes. Her room was clean as ever. The only unusual thing was the wide open windows of her room from which the chilling wind of November evening blew inside. Charlotte’s body was soaked in sweat.”

I still remember the pale look on her sister’s face, the shiver of her voice while narrating the final part of this baffling incident.

From that day ten years ago Charlotte opened her mouth for the first time today. Today I will be able to know what happened to ‘Shyaam’. Was he a cheat or a true lover? And what happened to him? Where did he go? And what was the last thing that happened to Charlotte that led to her nervous breakdown?

I walked towards her and placed my hands on her shoulders. They were ice cold. I felt a chill run my spine. Gently I spread my arm around her and walked her towards her clean well-made bed.

“Tell me Charlotte why today? What was the pledge for and for whom?”

“No one, Dr. Macaw, no one. I had to make that pledge. If I would have spoken earlier nobody would have believed me. I did it for me and for my ‘Dark chocolate’”. Her voice was still frail her speech was slow but her words were articulate. She sat down on her bed, straightened her soft fluffy pillows behind her back to support herself. Then she rested her head on it.

“Do you also think doctor that Shyaam was a cheat or a coward?” Her eyes were closed, a faint smile on lips.

“I don’t know Charlotte? I mean__ what can I say? I never met him.” It was still too much for me to handle to imagine myself speaking to Charlotte.

“Do you think that I was so blindfolded by cupid’s hand that I wasn’t able to tell right from wrong? No doctor…I had always been mature and sensible. My only problem was that I was always considered naïve or a fool.”

She opened her eyes and looked straight into mine eyes with quivering lips. She bent slightly towards me. “You believe in supernatural powers doc; ESP, reincarnation, black magic? Would you believe it if I say I had such ability?”

I knew that Charlotte was different in strange ways. “Yes Charlotte I would believe you.”

___“Aah!” Charlotte lay back again.
____“But Shyaam was a non believer. He was a student of physics and he did not want to believe anything metaphysical. I begged him so many times to forget me, to leave this madness. Sheila won’t let it happen…”
____“Sheila? Who was ‘Sheila’? I interrupted her quickly as I heard this name for the first time.
____Charlotte forcefully closed her fists. She seemed to be in great pain.
____“Shyaam’s first cousin to whom he was engaged to since childhood. She killed herself when Shyaam first broke the news of our affair to his family in India. That was after two years of our courtship”. Charlotte gathered her strength to speak again.
____“And Shyaam never told you that he was engaged?” I felt angry.
____“He never told me doc because he never accepted and believed in childhood engagement. He had seen her only once when he visited his hometown after graduating from Calcutta. He didn’t remember her features even.” Charlotte opened her eyes but did not look at me. She gazed at the ceiling.

“Shyaam never left or cheated me. His heart was pure like a child. His first priority was to learn all about the stars, the galaxies and the cosmos, how and when they were created and to travel in time. And this is what brought us so close to each other. Shyaam was born in one of the village far from the mystical city of Banaras in India.” Charlotte continued with her monotonous tone as if she was reading from a script pasted on ceiling. “ Shyaam’s father was a Yogi and superior ‘Pandit’ ( the senior religious cleric)of the tribe. He had four daughters and four sons.
Because of poor health facilities his four siblings died either during or after their birth. Shyaam was the eldest and the only remaining male child of the family. His father wanted his son to be the next Priest, with all the acquaintance of western science and ancient eastern knowledge. Shyaam’s father wanted him to serve his tribe to help them in progress and carry on his ancestors’ duty. But Shyaam, after acquiring his masters’ degree from Calcutta University in the field of physics insisted his father send him to U.S.A. for higher studies. Shyaam’s goal was to work for NASA in nuclear physics. His father agreed on one condition. He asked Shyaam to take a solemn vow in front of the fire, to come back, marry his late brother’s daughter (Shyaam’s only cousin) ‘Sheila’ and take his father’s seat. His father told him if he breaks his vow he would be burn in hell.”

Charlotte took a deep breath and moistened her lips with her tongue. I quickly offered her a glass of water on her side table but she refused with a movement of her hand and grabbed her throat, trying to swallow. I was so eager to know the rest but I had to be patient for the benefit and health of my patient. I waited till she composed herself again. After a while she continued.

“ Shyaam worked very hard over here in the university at NYU. He used to study and work at odd hours, had various jobs till he was selected as Yoga instructor for a gym. He had no plans to go back to that downtrodden dark community. He was marching towards his goal when I came into his life to learn ‘Yoga’ from him for which he gained much fame in past three years.”

_____I had no idea where Charlotte’s story was leading. But the more I listened the more uneasy I became. The room turned unusually cold as the night approached. I stood up from my chair and found myself a seat near the fireplace.
Charlotte was silent again and I had many questions still puzzling my mind.

_____”So, why ‘Dark Chocolate’, why did you give him such a weird name?”

____“Oh! The dark chocolate, my dark chocolate…” Charlotte smirked. “You know, I was overweight since my birth. My mom persuaded me to get in the right shape for my health and social reasons. I was forced to stay away from sweets, candies, and especially chocolate. I could give up anything but I was very fond of chocolates. The darker it is the more I fell for it. I used to dream about chocolates but I saw them in bizarre manner…”


“I used to dream that I was alone in jungle, lost, searching for my home when I would see flames from a distance. I would slowly walk towards them and see my favorite dark chocolate wrapped in an auburn packet. It was right in the middle of the circle of flames. I could only see it and when try to reach for it I feel burnt…”

________“When I met Shyaam I grasped the meaning of that dream but I was confused about the flames. I learned… but very late…….when everything was burned”

“What do you mean?”

“Since the first day I met Shyaam I was involved with him but I was too shy to tell him. I saw a look of appreciation and admiration in Shyaam’s eyes for me but it took six months for us to express to each other our feelings. I told him everything about me. How weak and crazy I had been all my life. I told him about my visions and nightmares. I noticed that Shyaam did not like to talk much about himself and his family. He was a good listener. He loved to look forward. He was a hopeless optimist. Past for him is to learn, to drop the bad baggage and move ahead with good stuff… so unlike me.”

_______“When we had our very first intimate meeting I saw that dream again… but, there was an addition…. A girl appeared in my dream: A very charming girl in a red sari with her long jet black hairs lose all around her. She was dancing around the inferno.” Charlotte started heaving a little. I instantly stood up to reach toward her bed but she got settled and continued.

“I was terrified. That Indian girl clearly warned me to stay away from Shyaam. She introduced herself as ‘Sheila’, Shyaam’s would-be wife. Next morning I ran to Shyaam and told him about my dream…. I still remember the look on his face. He was stunned. His pupils were dilated as if he was exposed to sudden light from complete darkness. “No way -- this can’t be happening”, were his words. Then he gave me a detailed account of his family and his oath to his father for the first time. And I envisioned Shiela jabbing my heart in front of me.”

Tears started to roll from her eyes, dry these ten years.

_____ “So that’s why Shyaam left you and went back to Shiela to save you?” I came close to Charlotte handed her tissues and sat on her bed.

_____“Oh, Thank you doc. I wish it would have been so simple. Oh how I pleaded for Shyaam to go back to Shiela but Shyaam was a true physicist. He got confused about the true nature of my dream, but did not ponder much. He decided to tell his family about us. I was petrified and anxious about all of it. My routine after that was to inquire daily from Shyaam his family’s response. Shyaam consoled me that he had told them about me and that he would not come back to India so they had better arrange another boy for Shiela. But it did not satisfy me. The frequency of my dreams soared. And then one night___Shiela appeared in my dreams, not dancing around the huge flame but… but she was in the flames… Her whole body was ablaze. She had grabbed that ‘Dark chocolate’ close to her chest. She asked me to wait like she had waited. Shyaam would be hers. But I was not afraid this time. I jumped into the flames to snatch back my ‘Dark chocolate’. We tangled in a fight in the midst of the flames.” Charlotte’s face turned crimson.

_____“ Shyaam decided on marriage on hearing this. Next day he visited my family, and together we planned everything. My family was happy. They considered my deteriorated health was because of Shyaam’s indecisiveness. They did not know about my dreams, about Shyaam’s vow, his curse or of Shiela.” Charlotte reached for glass of water and drank from it at once.

_____ “The very next morning Shyaam called me and informed me of Sheila’s suicide. She had burned herself….At that moment I decided to call off the wedding for the sake of Shyaam’s health. But Shyaam disagreed. He embraced me and held me forcefully, showered me with his passion and comforted me by saying that this is the twentieth century and this land is far from India. Nobody could do anything and moreover Shiela is no longer in this world. He has never loved her did not even remember how she looked. But … I knew her. I remember her features distinctly. Moreover I was scared of the curse. Shyaam was a scientist, disbeliever; he just couldn’t grasp the gravity of situation. He argued about why he should lose his only true love for some stupid vow? He wanted this wedlock quickly to liberate me once and for all from all my sufferings, secure me in his arms forever.” Charlotte took a deep breath.

_____I experienced goose-flesh on my body and bit of suffocation in the room.

“And then what Charlotte, what happened on the wedding day?”

_______Charlotte voice seemed to come from a deep well. “The date for our wedding was set to be November 13, 1995. Everything was going smooth except the beat of my heart and the frantic oscillation of my nerves. Shyaam was excited, triumphant ready to receive his reward. All the guests arrived. My sisters and friends left my room after helping me with my hair and makeup. I was almost ready to go downstairs. To get the last glimpse of my bridal look I turned to mirror and saw Shyaam right at my back. He was all dressed-up but he looked pale and sick. I turned back and ran towards him. As I touched him I felt as if I had my hand in hot furnace. But he held me firmly.

At that moment my window banged open. Sheila appeared in the window…, just like I saw her in my dreams. The memory of the growl in her voice, the flames from her red sari and her words still kept me awake. She said she had loved Shyaam more than anybody could love any person. Shyaam was hers, she had waited long for him but I stole him away from her. Now I had to wait and endure that burning pain…

Shyaam held me close to his burning and taut body. He resisted with full force against the fiery magnetic rays of flames emitted from Shiela , cried “No Charlotte I loved you only. Our love is stronger. I would break this bond of time and space. Just trust me, keep your faith alive. I will come to you…I will_____ we will be together … we will be… but right in front of me Sheila and Shyaam and flames….. all vanished.”

My God I never thought Charlotte actually had been waiting for his return.

“Dr. Macaw, Shyaam came to me a few years back and pledged for the union, for his return on November 13th.2006 He will return, right Macaw? He will...” Charlotte grabbed my shoulder. Her face was glowing. Drops of sweat appeared on her forehead and she started shivering. It was a cold November evening and Charlotte was sweating profusely. I gave her another glass of water as she swept her tongue on her dry red lips. She drank as if she had been thirsty for ages. “Relax Charlotte, lie down……..there, good girl, now have some sleep ok? This is enough for the day.”

She obeyed like a robot. The room suddenly turned freezing cold. I looked back. The long glass windows were open.

“Oh Lord! Who opened the windows?” I ran to shut them, cursed my staff for being negligent and turned to Charlotte’s bed again where__________

Charlotte was completely covered with thin ice flakes. I leaped towards her. She was cold, motionless. I checked her pulse…. Nothing…