A Horse’s Head On Your Bed

As the tobacco industry and the US government thrust and parry towards a multi-multi-billion dollar settlement, another industry is looking
towards the strife with keen interest: the much maligned and oft-misunderstood drug industry. Representatives of this high-growth industry would like to share their view point with anybody who cares to listen.



First, here are some present-day problems:


1. The drug industry employs millions of people but in the absence of any regulatory mechanism these people are unable to form unions and
enjoy the benifits available to organized labour.

2. In the absence of any mechanism to regulate the quality of narcotics the poor addicts have to manage with substandard stuff.
The industry would like to remedy this situation by introducing brand drugs.

3. The government is losing billions of dollors worth of taxes which it could impose on narcotics and an opportunity to balance its
budget.



Moreover the drug industry has found from its own research that:


1. There is no proven link between drugs and the so-called ill-effects, despite claims by some scientists. If these
scientists will care to meet the drug industry representatives face to face, they will be persuaded to change their opinion.

2. Drugs do not cause second-hand drug effects like cigarettes do.

3. Drugs introduce the feeling of well-being and a welfare state is about the well being of its citizens.

4. Drugs are not a fire safety hazard like cigarettes which involve using complicated devices loaded with hazardous fuel or matches
which can be dangerous in the hands of children.





The proposal from drug lords to regulators is as follows:


1. The drug industry will pay $900 billion (Three times the amount proposed by the tobacco industry) over a period of 15 years to the government
and in return it will be protected from lawsuits from individuals.

2. No narcotic vending machine will be installed where a cigarette vending machine is not allowed.

3. The drug industry will not advertise on children's TV or on prime time TV.

4. It will not distribute free samples to kids.

5. It will create a billion dollar fund to study the long term effects of narcotics on human beings.

6. It will create 1-800 numbers to advise people about responsible narcotic habits.


The drug industry feels that, much like the tobacco industry, it has made an offer you cannot refuse.