Man or mouse

Miss Parveen was not really a Miss. She had a doctorate
from Columbia. However, in this Godforsaken place, a Miss she was. For
she was single, never married - and people liked to remind her of that
as often as they could. No one knew exactly how old Miss Parveen was,
but everyone agreed that she seemed rather young to be running her own
lab. It was the subject of much discussion and speculation.

Today was turning out to be a particularly lousy day for Miss
Parveen. On coming in after the weekend, she had discovered thousands
of dollars worth of reagents swimming in melted ice in the -70 degree
freezer. The electricity had failed again, and for some inexplicable
reason, the emergency power supply had not kicked in. Her lab tech,
Ambreen, had still not shown up by the time she had cleaned up and
assessed the damage. Neither had Tariq, the B.Comm-pass handy-man she
had hired just last month to manage the animal facility. She knew what
they would say, "Miss Parveen, kul strike ho gai thi" (there was a
strike yesterday). She had no way of knowing if to believe them or
not, and this is what she found most irritating. Was she being had?
Were these two colluding with each other to take a day off? "Dammit,"
she thought, "I can't let those mice sit around for ever, I will have
to sacrifice them myself."

The fact that Amma was sending another guy over today was also preying
on her mind. How could she say no to Amma's "Umer nikly challi jaa
rahi hai, baal safaid ho rahay hein, koi larka pasand nahi ata. Is
tarhaaN tu meiN qabar meiN challi jaon gi, aur tum kuNwaari hi reh jao
gi"(you are getting too old for marriage, your hair is greying, but
you don’t like any boy. If things continue this way, I am going to go
to my grave, while you will still be a virgin).

Miss Parveen had simple requirements. A modicum of intelligence, no
mustaches, pants belted above the umbilicus, and an average score on
the Modified Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory Test,
Subsection: Attitude towards Women. The best thing about the test was
that it could pick out liars. Also, without fail, it identified all
those men who were looking for a cooking and cleaning lady. So far,
she had found them all wanting. But she lived in eternal hope - some
had actually come quite close, and her friend, Nasreen, had managed to
find a nice husband using similar criteria. She had dressed carefully
for the event, dyeing her hair, wearing light lipstick and rouge, and
a pale pink printed jora which Amma said made her look no more than
twenty-three. So she was especially pissed at Ambreen and Tariq for
not coming today. She would have to sully her hands with those blasted
mice.

"What had Amma said?" she thought aloud. "That he was an investment
banker, from a good family, tall, and (most importantly) his sister
was a working woman." Both Amma and Miss Parveen generally took this
to mean that in these cases, it was a good bet that the boy wouldn’t
mind a working spouse.

Nadeem, the guy, finally showed up, two hours late. "Surely, he
couldn't have been stuck in the strike," she had fretted. She had
forgotten to ask Amma the key question of where he lived. Dressed in a
casual shirt and khaki pants, he was a perfect specimen of manhood! No
mustaches, no bulging belly, handsome, polished, charming, even
interested in hearing about her work. Said he was fascinated by women
scientists! She couldn't help wondering why he would be interested in
her, a woman of indeterminate age. He took the MMMPI confidently, and
without a fuss. She marked it in a hurry, praying all the while that
she had scored a hit. "Miracles have happened before, this might be
my lucky day. Oh, what a relief that would be, not to have to be in
the mandi anymore, not to have Amma constantly on my case."

This wasn't the miracle. She had never seen a worse score before.

"Another mouse bites the dust," she thought, with tears in her eyes,
as she gave the creature in front of her a quick whack on the
head. Then, with her lancet, she eviscerated the abdominal
cavity. "Boy, that made me feel better," she said to herself, "All is
definitely not lost. At least this one can give me some onanistic
delight." Of course, she couldn't tell Amma that.