What Cats Dream

Inspector Duffy was no ordinary cat.

In fact,

no one had ever seen a cat

like that.


It wasn't his clothes

or his waddling walk,

it wasn't even

that he could talk,


Cats were stylish dressers,

that was well known

and talking cats a fixture

of many a home.


Inspector Duffy, you see,

had more than just style

and a tail that was famous

for many a mile.


"Charisma" some called it,

"machismo" others said,

but Inspector Duffy didn't let it

get to this head.


He waddled his way peacefully

along the borders of his beat,

occasionally stopping to meet

and to greet,

a member, a citizen, a resident

of his land,

with a smile, a nod,

a shake of the hand.


But not everyone was happy

to see that white paw.

not everyone excited

at this evidence of Law.


One being, in particular

dived right underground

when she caught sight of Duffy-u-din

doing his rounds.


Like Duffy, this too was no ordinary cat

(but not noted for her style

or any of that)

Oh no, there were murkier reasons

for her fortune and fame.

It was her passion for crime

that made her a household name.



"Bhooki Aloo" some called her,

"Fat lump" others said,

but whatever her title

she stole other peoples bread

(and cheese

and pakoras

and meat

even bones)

and dumped it altogether

in a pile in her home.


It's not like she'd eat it all,

just perch on the top

(her appetite might be sated)

but she couldn't seem to stop.


So strong was her need,

so malicious her greed,

that the towns in Duffy's land

were running right out of meat.


The people had asked Duffy

to double his rounds

so Bhooki Aloo

could be stopped,

could be found.


As Inspector Duffy waddled along,

he searched for some clue.

A gnawed bone,

a snack pack,

a half eaten shoe,

that might indicate that Aloo

had been down that road

(and unable to carry

all her monstrous load).


He searched and he searched,

he looked all around,

but no sign of the Aloo

could be seen,

could be found.


It was then that an idea

sprang into his head.

He refined it that night

as he lay in bed.


Could a cat that greedy

(if difficult to find)

resist the temptation

of prime cow behind?

Was it in the character

of that feline lump,

to deny the allure

of juicy cow rump?

Having hatched his grand plan

to catch the cat creep,

young inspector Duffy

went right off to sleep.


Early next morning

he woke with the sun,

grinning at the prospect

of a day full of fun.


He pulled out his art pad,

some crayons and glue

and set about laying

a trap for Aloo.

He'd learned how to draw

back in kitten school

so a flick of his paw?

some coloring?

he was through!


The rest of his day

he spent

putting up signs

outside restaurants, and homes,

by the railway lines.

Anywhere, in short,

the Aloo might be

in her evil search

for edible history.


Once the signs were all posted

he went to the shop

where he usually bought

his daily mutton chop.


Despite the meat shortage

the butchers secret stash

yielded a rump lump

for good old hard cash.