B Righter September 1, 2004
Tags: humor , marriage
While I was still wise and unmarried, I thought that my sister was one of the select few obsessed with bedding. I mean, how else could you rationalize a set of bedding large enough to be a load of laundry on its own. For me, bedding was a bed sheet and pillow covers. After tying the knot, I discovered
the world of women. The bedding flu has infected women in epidemic proportions. Talk of bedding usually makes the top five. Gossip, nagging, clothes, shoes, and then definitely: bedding.
The ‘complete’ bedding set is arduous, to say the least. There is the ‘fitted sheet’, which goes directly over the mattress. Showing complete disdain for a flawless sheet, a ‘flat sheet’ is thrown on top of it. Sign of a compulsive disorder, maybe? That is just getting the foundation right. On top would lay the ‘comforter’.
The comforter is a prime candidate for contamination, so it has to be embalmed within a ‘duvet cover’ to keep it germ-free. So, thus far you have got a double layer of sheets and a comforter trapped in its cover. Next item: pillows. Gone are the days when pillows used to have covers. They are now neatly shoved inside complex looking ‘pillow cases’. The comforter and the pillows share the same damned luck. To guard against whatever is out there, the already-covered pillows are then enveloped within cool sounding ‘shams’. Now you’ve got the perfect pillow: ballooned up to bear some relentless tossing and turning. Contrary to logic, pillows serve more than one purpose. Not only do they add to your comfort level, they do a fabulous job of making your bed look like a carnival.
Decorative pillows have to be shown due respect. They ought to be placed on the bed at all times, except thankfully, when you sleep on it. The infamous ‘square pillows’ with tassels, embroidery, silken covers and the works, are always there to add color to your life. Remember, pillows are highly sociable and hate isolation. So make sure you have at least a couple. Three’s never a crowd, as far as pillows are concerned. Since you’ve already gone the extra mile, throw in one of those small cylindrical pillows. They are just too cute and adorable, don’t you think?
The novice would like to believe that this surely accounts for all the items in the bedding. However, don’t make the cardinal sin of forgetting the bedskirt! The all-important skirt wraps around your mattress and its lunacy, to add that final touch of elegance. This is the stuff dreams are made of…wow!
The ‘complete’ bedding set is arduous, to say the least. There is the ‘fitted sheet’, which goes directly over the mattress. Showing complete disdain for a flawless sheet, a ‘flat sheet’ is thrown on top of it. Sign of a compulsive disorder, maybe? That is just getting the foundation right. On top would lay the ‘comforter’.
The comforter is a prime candidate for contamination, so it has to be embalmed within a ‘duvet cover’ to keep it germ-free. So, thus far you have got a double layer of sheets and a comforter trapped in its cover. Next item: pillows. Gone are the days when pillows used to have covers. They are now neatly shoved inside complex looking ‘pillow cases’. The comforter and the pillows share the same damned luck. To guard against whatever is out there, the already-covered pillows are then enveloped within cool sounding ‘shams’. Now you’ve got the perfect pillow: ballooned up to bear some relentless tossing and turning. Contrary to logic, pillows serve more than one purpose. Not only do they add to your comfort level, they do a fabulous job of making your bed look like a carnival.
Decorative pillows have to be shown due respect. They ought to be placed on the bed at all times, except thankfully, when you sleep on it. The infamous ‘square pillows’ with tassels, embroidery, silken covers and the works, are always there to add color to your life. Remember, pillows are highly sociable and hate isolation. So make sure you have at least a couple. Three’s never a crowd, as far as pillows are concerned. Since you’ve already gone the extra mile, throw in one of those small cylindrical pillows. They are just too cute and adorable, don’t you think?
The novice would like to believe that this surely accounts for all the items in the bedding. However, don’t make the cardinal sin of forgetting the bedskirt! The all-important skirt wraps around your mattress and its lunacy, to add that final touch of elegance. This is the stuff dreams are made of…wow!
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