Ted, Harry and Lloyd

“I knew it!”
“Knew what?”
“That Pluto is a dog. Didn’t I tell you Pluto is a dog?”
“There, there, sweetie, you’ve been watching too much of Disney.”
“No, I swear, Pluto is a dog.”
“Prove it!”
“Well, it’s not a planet anymore.”
“Are you trying to be one of those weasels who love being the centre of attention with their bullshit theories acting like they know everything?”
“Fuck off!”
“No, you fuck off!”
“Pluto is a dog, Pluto is a dog”
“Hey Ted, get this sob wannabe super-heroine out of my sight before I blow her brains out.”
“Tss tss, there there, let’s buy you a suit. Come on, we don’t want to go near them now, do we?”
“Woof woof!”

News: Llyod decided not to kill Harry. He was touched when Ted gave Harry a tender kiss and took her out for fresh air. Harry felt like a loved dog. Llyod went back to bed with his girl Perry who was by now very tired of this drama.

[Read... We were animals, we are animals, and we will be animals no matter how hard we try to be human and trying is the least we can do.]


Your Honour, No Honour & Limits

“It was faaacking boring.”
“What the fuck! was that?!”
“Don’t be rude. Pakis are learning to say fuck.”
“Either that or someone’s really pricked his bags or her bags? Just look at it. It’s pathetic. Faaaaack! Sounds like spit gurgling in my stomach.”
“You haven’t seen the National Assembly sessions.”
“What’d I miss?”
“Spits”
“Daari Walas are learning to say faaack too?”
“No, they’re really pissed over the Hudood Ordinance issue.”
“Oh, I thought they were pissed at the missing bottles of Viagras (from their bedrooms).”
“Huh? Where did you get that from?”
“Well, didn’t you hear? They kept saying, ‘Our honour is at stake. They are messing with the rules of God. We can’t allow that to happen.’ ”
“Did you hear the women?”
“No, I only heard Sara Suleri but she wasn’t there.”
“What did you hear?”
“There are no women in the Third-World.”
“Did you see them?”
“Well, they had a cloth wrapped around their mouth, and they were spitting fearlessly. I couldn’t see or hear them. I really wished I could.”
“That’s too bad.”
“Faaaaaack off!”

[Read... Stay in your limits no matter what they say coz when it comes to men or women or boys or girls, all bets are off.]


Inzy, Immy and Naat (at tea break)

“We are naat gonna do it.”
“Inzy, let’s go man, let’s show them how full of shit they are!”
“We are naat gonna do it.”
“Hair is a bloody liar! Even Immy bhai says he’s mini-Hitler. You know that better than any of us. Be a good captain! Get out and tell the bastard!”
“We are naat gonna do it.”
“Naat gonna do what?!”
“Oye, shut the up, I am finding my naat. Don’t worry. God will help us.”

News: Hair offers his resignation in exchange for $500,000.

[Read... We are naat gonna do it because God really helps]



Glossary

1. Daari Walas refer to members of the National Assembly.

2. The phrase, ‘There are no women in the third-world’ has been taken from Sara Suleri’s novel, Meatless Days

3. Naat is a prayer usually sung for Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)

4. Immy bhai is a reference to former Pakistan cricket captain Imran Khan.

5. The phrase, ’We are naat gonna do it’ has been taken from George Bush senior which he uttered during his campaign against Iraq in the 90s.