The Quranic Concept of Love

Kashif A Shehzada
May 28, 1998

With the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

"Certainly We have revealed to you a Book in which is your own reminder;
what! Will you not then use your reasoning?"-Al Qur'an 21:10

Do we have a free will to select our life partner? Are we permitted to
someone? Is it acceptable for girls to have boy friends and for boys
to have girl friends? What are the criteria for selecting a life partner?
Following is a discussion of such questions from a Qur anic perspective.

Free Consent for

The Qur'an informs us that cannot be forced to get married
and thus they have the right to express their will. The following Ayah
tells us;

"O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit against their
will. Nor should you treat them with harshness that you may take away part
of the dower you have given them - except where they have been guilty of
open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness
and equity. If you take a dislike to them it may be that you dislike a
thing and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good." (4:19)

In Sura 4, the believing man is also given the permission to marry
of his choice, thus he too can excersize his free will:

"If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans,
so Marry of Your Choice two or three or four; but if you fear that
you shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one.Or what
your right hands possesed.That is nearer, that you do not decline from
" (4:3)

Thus both believing as well as men have been given the right to have
a say in their , i.e. cannot be married forcefully and men
also have been given the right to marry of their choice.

Then again in Sura 4 Ayah 21, has been identified as a Meesaq
(Contract) that have taken from men:

"And how could you take it when you have gone in unto each other and
they (Your wives) have Taken from you a solemn covenant? " (4:21)

A contract or covenant requires the free consent of both parties in agreeing
to that contract.

An agreement in which a person is forced to do something against his or
her will, does not constitute a 'Meesaq' or contract.

If the woman has been forced into getting married or the will of the man
has been manipulated by coercion then such an agreement does not become
a contract or 'Meesaq'. Thus for a contract of to come about,
both parties i.e. the man as well as the woman have to use their free will
in coming to terms and agreeing to live the rest of their lives with each
other. If out of these two any one is forced or does not have their free
will involved then such would not constitute a 'Meesaq'.

This should clarify that a believing man or woman does have the right to
accept or reject his or her would be husband or wife.They do have the right
to express their will.

The Limit of

First of all we need to ascertain what we mean by the term 'loving
someone'? Do we like his or her physical appearance? Or do we mean we like
his or her character traits? Or what his or her views are about life and
many other things? Do we like the background he or she is coming from?
Their economic status?

All of us do have feelings and emotions in us. We are not rocks or made
of stones. We cry when we get hurt, smile when we are happy, get depressed
when something happens against our wishes, all these feelings are within
us, but we should not let these feelings and emotions rule our lives. Our
feelings have to be kept within the limits ordained by Allah. We should
be constantly aware of our duties and responsibilities and they should
not be neglected by feelings and emotions overcoming our minds.



When a person is emotionally worked up i.e. he or she is under the influence
of emotions like , anger etc. then that person cannot use his or her
faculty of reasoning and intellect in ascertaining things. He or she will
only listen to what the emotions are telling, no matter how much you try
to make such persons understand, they will not analyze things logically
and with reasoning until their emotions are settled down.



We should let our feelings be subdued and look at things in a more practical,
reasonable and logical way. Usually with young people this is difficult
to understand, but with the passage of time, when one attains some maturity
we do realize these things.



Now about the issue of whether we can like () someone, the Qur'an has
laid certain conditions for loving people as well. All of us do have these
emotions in us, after all it is Allah Himself who has given these to us,
but we cannot surpass the of Allah in that . Our total devotion
and dedication has to be for the cause of Allah. We often hear the very
common expression that people under the influence of emotions say to each
other, something like; "...I will give my life for you.." or
"...you are my everything..." etc. Such devotion is not allowed
by the Qur'an.The Qur'an renounces such people, who are so infatuated.



Allah informs us through His Messenger;



"Yet there are among people who take others besides Allah as equal
(with Allah): THEY THEM AS THEY SHOULD ALLAH. But the Believers
are strong in their FOR ALLAH. If only the oppressors could see behold
they would see the penalty: that to Allah belongs all power and Allah will
strongly enforce the penalty." (2:165)



The Believer in the message of Qur'an cannot be totally devoted to someone
rather than the cause of Allah. His or her goal of life is mentioned in
the following verse;



"Say:' Surely my Salat and my solitude and MY LIFE and MY are
(all) FOR ALLAH, the Sustainer of the Universe;" (6:162)



The above verse should be the motto of a true believer, and a person who
has such principles, can he give his total and devotion to someone
else?



We cannot surpass the of Allah in having any feelings or considerations
for any one, no matter how close relations they may have with us.We (The
believers in the Qur'an) are strictly reminded;



"Say:'If your FATHERS and your SONS and your BRETHERN and your SPOUSES
and your RELATIVES and the WEALTH you have acquired and the whose
dullness you fear and the HOMES in which you are satisfied, if you
any of these more than ALLAH AND HIS MESSENGER AND THE STRIVING IN HIS
CAUSE, then wait until ALLAH brings about His order; and ALLAH guides not
the oppressing people." (9:24)



To the believers the cause of Allah is what matters the most, the way of
life that is prescribed for them in the Qur an, they don't make any compromises
with anyone against that way of life, even to their very loved ones. Such
quality of theirs is identified by Allah Himself:



"You shall not find a people who believe in Allah and the last day
LOVING those who act in opposition to Allah and His Messenger, even though
they were their (own) FATHERS, or their SONS, or their BROTHERS, or their
RELATIVES; these are they into whose hearts He has written belief , and
whom He has strengthened with a spirit from Him: and He will cause them
to enter gardens beneath which rivers flow, abiding therein; Allah is well-pleased
with them and they are well-pleased with Him these are Allah's party: now
surely the party of Allah are the successful ones." (58:22)



The Criteria for Selecting a Life Partner

The Qur'an is very clear about what to consider in selecting
a life partner.The following verse informs us:

"And DO NOT MARRY 'mushrik' (Polythiest) UNTIL they believe,
and certainly a believing maid is better than a 'mushrik' (Polythiest)
woman, even though she should please you; and DO NOT give (believing )
in to 'MUSHRIK' MEN UNTIL THEY BELIEVE, and certainly a believing
servant is better than a mushrik man, even though he should please you;
AND THESE (MUSHRIKEEN) INVITE YOU TO THE FIRE, and Allah invites to the
garden and to forgiveness by His will, and makes clear His Ayat (verses)
to Mankind, that they may be mindful." (2:221)

The above verse negates the concept of beauty or physical attraction, along
with wealth or economic status of a person, and establishes that it is
'Eimaan' i.e. Belief and conviction on the Quranic laws that should be
the point to consider in selecting a life partner.

Making Boyfriends or Girlfriends

The Believers are informed in the Qur'an that they are to maintain
a modest and are discouraged from having paramours. An important
injunction concerning those with whom is permissible is that they
should not have any paramours:

"This day (all) the good things are allowed to you; and the of
those who have been given the Book is lawful for you and your is lawful
for them; and the chaste from among the believing and the chaste
from among those who have been given the Book before you (are lawful for
you); when you have given them their dowries, taking (them) in ,
not fornicating NOR TAKING THEM FOR PARAMOURS; and whoever denies belief,
his work indeed is of no account, and in the hereafter he shall be one
of the losers." (5:5)

Secret affairs and intimacy of this sort is not permitted by the Qur'an.
It is clearly reminded regarding those with whom the contract of
is sought:



"There is no blame on you if you make an offer of betrothal or hold
it in your hearts. Allah knows that you cherish them in your hearts: But
do not make a secret promise with them except that you utter a recognized
matter " (2:235)

Believing are also reminded what type of behavior they are to maintain
with unrelated men:

"O of the Prophet! you are not like any other of the ;
If you will be on your guard, then be not complacent in (your) speech,
lest he in whose heart is a disease yearn; and speak a recognized utterance."
(33:32)

Believing men are also reminded to maintain a modest behavior:

"Say to the believing men that they restrain their gaze and guard
their private parts; that is purer for them; surely Allah is aware of what
they do." (24:30)



Total Commitment to the Cause of Allah

To a believer the first preference in life is the Cause of Allah,
he or she is totally dedicated to that cause and cannot have any emotional
considerations which lead to neglecting his or her duties as a believer.Their
motto is defined as:

"Say. Surely my Salat and my solitude and MY LIFE and MY are
(all) FOR ALLAH, the Sustainer of the Universe." (6:162)

Total dedication to Allah.This is what is required to be a Believer.