Larry, Curly and Moe discuss Capitalism

Wasiq Bokhari
Oct 15, 1998

The film shoot was over but it had been especially tiring
today. According to the script, the three stars had to pretend to beat
each other up with various kitchen utensils for an hour. But we all
know that even that is not as straight forward as it seems. For
example, Larry was supposed to run after Moe with a rolling pin around
a table while Moe stood on the table with a large pudding bowl full
of cake mix. Then Curly was supposed to pick up a frying pan in his
defense and have a duel with Larry. Both of them were supposed to miss
each other and hit the innocent bystander, Moe, most of the
time. Moe was expected to become dizzy as he spun round and round on
the table trying to follow the two around, and finally succumb amidst
generous amounts of rolling pin and frying pan blows, dumping all of
the cake mix upon himself and all over the floor. Larry and Curly were
then supposed to slip in the mix, upsetting dishes and pans,
overturning pots filled with and generally changing the whole
kitchen into a gigantic mess. The owner of the restaurant, who had
hired the three gentlemen on the opening night of his establishment
was supposed to enter the kitchen at precisely this point and produce
a scream so primal that the cooks would instantly disappear through
the windows. Well, all of this did happen, eventually.
So it is after the film shoot that we catch up with the stars, as they
rest on a grassy knoll outside the studio. Now, unknown to many, our
heroes are prodigiously multi-talented. Lawrence Horatio Wellington,
also known as Larry, has extensive investments in the high-
sector. He has been riding the wave of the bullish markets for years,
silently amassing a fortune for himself. Joseph Nelson Curlington,
known internationally as Curly, is a closet intellectual. An ardent
student of , marxism, communism, globalism, and various
other isms, he is sometimes seen engrossed in heated debates
with various well respected scholars. Despite his generous income from
his acting , he lives a modest , not because of
miserliness, but because of all the money he ends up spending on
books. And finally there is Moe. Well, Moe is known as just that,
Moe. He has been trying different things throughout his life, grocery
shops, peddling, advertisements, janitorial services, fast foods,
speculation. Acting is the latest addition to this long list. He does
not understand markets, but he feels them. He does not know the
meaning of words like derivatives or hedging or
asynchrous transfer protocols. Neither does he understand what
Mr. Keynes speculated about , or what Mr. Marx thought, or what
Mr. Greenspan spend his time worrying about. He is more concerned with
the effect of something called a market on what he can or
cannot have for dinner.
But things are seldom perfect, as we all well know. Larry is feeling
down these days, his favorite companies are not doing as well, and
financially speaking, he feels he is half the man he used to be. That
of course can be upsetting. Curly on the other hand, is feeling
triumphant. During those long sessions with other closet intellectuals
and those hours spent into the late hours of the night trying to
understand what the hell were all the big whigs of economics
talking about, he had come to a startling conclusion that he was not a
capitalist at heart. Now with the fortress of collapsing
all around him and bringing down its most ardent sentries along with
it, he could not help feeling a little, shall we say it, smug. Moe on
the other hand, was lost deep in thought, not exactly worried about
the state of Japanese banks or the virtual of Russia, but
about more mundane things. Like, counting the rest of the days left in
the month, and the amount of cash remaining to carry him
through. While he is deeply engrossed in thought, Larry lets out a
sigh and airs what is on his mind.
Larry: I the market settles down. This financial roller coaster
is beginning to affect me. Why don't the people in Russia and Asia
get their act together, and stop causing so much turmoil to the
market? I have lost quite a bit of money over the last few months.
Curly: Well Larry, the problem is not entirely with the people of
Russia and Asia. The problem is with the system that they are dealing
with. is on its downfall, and the present financial crisis
of the world just shows that it is an imperfect system that is bound
to fail eventually.
Larry: What do you mean it is an imperfect system? How can there be
any system other than a free market? The present financial problem is
because of different factors. There is the inherent financial
mismanagement of various governments, and then there is the expected
rise and fall of the market. The first is really affecting the second
in this case, and we are seeing its repercussions here. Plus the
countries that are failing are not exactly capitalistic in their
practices.
Curly: But Larry, I think there is something deeply wrong about
. I mean, how can a system, that is based upon and
can result in anything other than a disaster. Look at the
system, it is unbalanced. As wealth gets concentrated in the hands of
the few, their ability to produce even more wealth increases, and they
become wealthier. It is an endless cycle until the whole system
collapses. There is nothing at all that limits this process. It is a
flawed system that is bound to collapse. And that is what we are
beginning to see now, the effects of on a global scale,
where the distance between the rich and the poor has increased to such
a level that everything is coming apart at its seams.
Larry: Wait a minute, Curly. What are you talking about? The economic
troubles of today are not the first that we have seen. There was the
Depression in the 30's and there have been other cycles of financial
ups and downs. But to replace , that is absurd. What do you
propose switching to? Communism that is long dead? Or some other
alternative that we have not found yet? works, look at the
we enjoy. The Western world is richer than everyone else
because of . is a fair system, everyone gets paid
his honest wages for his honest labor. What do you want, a bureaucrat
breathing down your neck for every little thing, setting laws and
policies on what you can make and how?
Curly: is not working. There is a chance of a global
recession, and a recession is something that cannot
avoid. Finance capital grows without bounds, however the consumption
power of individuals is limited. It is inevitable that there should be
a recession. Plus, all the mega-corporations would like the public to always
consume in increasing amounts. They play on the of people, they
coax and cajole them to be ever more greedy. How can a system that is
based on , result in anything else? Sure has given us
a lot, but at what price? We weigh everything in its dollar value and
we are relentlessly pursuing material gains at the cost of everything,
our lives, our families, our planet. in one person is bad
enough, but what happens when a whole of people becomes
greedy. What is to save us and our from our ?
Larry: Before you start blaming for all evils, consider the
fact that is only a system that maximizes the transfer of
resources to people who are most able to use them. It is a system that
recognizes the conditions of the world, and adapts itself according to
it. True, in the real world not everyone is equally wealthy, but you
should also consider that not everyone is also equally adept at
generating wealth. The people who are wealthy are so for a reason
usually. does not favor the wealthy necessarily, it favors
those who can create wealth. The current problem is not necessarily a
problem of . There is on part of the leaders of
countries now teetering on collapse, and then there is speculation and
over-estimates of the true of . The market is just
reacting to these, shedding the of overvalued and taking
into account the uncertainty surrounding the solvency of other
nations. Who is to blame is not , but lack of it in areas
where all the resources are siphoned off by few. And the behavior of
the speculators who bet on high risk items and jeopardize the
financial future of many. may not be a perfect system, but
it is the best system we have available to us.
Curly: Whether I agree or not with your assessment of the
efficiency of in delivering resources to where they are
needed, or about whether the present turmoil is because of
per se or some other things, I think that you do not see the moral
problem with . kills humanity and breeds
. The richest few percent of the world have the vast majority of
the wealth concentrated in their hands. You tell me, is that how a
fair system would distribute wealth? The people who produce
wealth are never rich. They are the average people who work 9 to 5
jobs in factories and on farms. However, the wealth produced by them
is entirely in the hands of a few. One cannot say with a clear
conscience that is a moral system, because it is not. It is
in the nature of to create a disparity. Perhaps we should
ask ourselves the question what other alternatives are available to
us? Or come up with them? Or even ask the question why socialist
economies failed. The majority of the people in the world are not
people like Bill Gates or Ted Turner. It is people like you and me. We
should stop talking for the billionaires and start talking more for
ourselves.
Larry: Let's leave the moral issue aside for a minute. We are
talking about a financial system. Would you rather have a free
market where no rules or regulations hindered your returns, or a
market so fraught with rules and regulations that you get completely
tied down in paperwork. Remember the Soviet Union? If you don't want
that then there is only one alternative. And about
morality. was invented by people like you and me. If it is
based on , it is because works. All of us want to be
better than others, even if we have to step over others in doing
so. Its a zero-sum game, for every winner, there is a
loser. just rewards the winners, and I do not think that is
wrong.
The argument is clearly becoming more and more interesting (and
charged). Unfortunately, yours truly has some really important
business to attend to so he cannot stay on to see the end. While we
take our leave, and start walking away, some questions are beginning
to buzz around in my mind. Who will win? Who is right and who is
wrong? Or can we even say?
But wait a minute. We almost forget someone. Guess who? Moe! While
Lawrence Horatio Wellington and Joseph Nelson Curlington were busy
ripping apart each other, Moe sort of faded in the background. That is
the routine unfortunately. Moe, the silent figure in the background,
the one who does not have an opinion, or who does not care. As we
speak, we see him lying silently on the same patch of grass, a blade
of grass between his teeth, thoroughly engrossed in thought. It looks
like he is not paying any attention to what his friends are
discussing. He is somewhere far away. What could he be thinking?