Aftab: What is this Kashmir business about anyway? What has it ever given anybody except batmen to the majors and palaces to the generals?

Aliah: It’s the army of the future, I tell you. Warfare conducted with PR machines for the minds of the public, not with armament or artillery against the enemy. Look around you. Do you not see the mindless worship of all things military: missiles, planes, guns? What child does not dream of being a fighter pilot these days? Which city roundabout does not have a missile saluting the heavens?

Asad: Mystery?

Aftab: Seriously bhai, do you know how many more brigadiers there are in the army than brigades? How about the ratio of Navy admirals to ships? You can probably pack admirals like sardines into each seaworthy vessel and still have enough left over to make a decent showing at the club.

K. Khala: These general people have sunk the nation’s ship.

Aliah: Did I mention the feminist makeover that the military is pursuing? Move over, gentlemen. The army of the future is not the domain of the male alone. Certainly not in the PR area. We’re hip! we’re trendy! triumphantly crows the bonny PTV announcer, resplendent in her uniform, badges and all. Noor Jehan with her "aye watan ke sajeelay jawano" probably aroused fewer young men into the defense of the motherland than this chick.

Asad: Magic?

Aftab: And you do know why A. is a colonel, right, and not an academy dropout? Let’s just say that it pays to be related to a general, even if he’s your ammi’s third cousin.

Tanker-walla: What is going on in Amreeka, ji? I hear that they’re arresting all the Pakistani people and sending them home in chains. Allah khair karay. Our Pakistan is the best.

Aliah: The charming mix of macho nationalism and religion is as sophisticated as ever. No sooner has trendy army lady receded from my TV set than a vader-ish young man soars through the skies on his winged steed. The names of god ("al-whatever") flash overhead. In a nasal croon, the gallant defender of the skies informs me of his proximity to the Lord. Now that’s entertainment for you!

Asad: Madness?

Sabzi-walla: Beta, what know I of Kashmir or army? The aloos are 12 rupees kilo only.

K. Khala: Unity of command? Are we living in a country here or a cadet college? It’s hard enough getting unity over what’s for lunch.

Asad: M-theory?

Aliah: "We were a family town faced by a whirlwind of unfortunate events" and "the excesses committed during the unfortunate period are regrettable", says Mr. Musharraf about 1971. Not quite of the same caliber as Carter’s "the destruction was mutual." But close. Very close.