Translation of 'Saveray Jo Kal Aankh Meri Khuli'
- By Pitrus Bukhari

When a jackal is hounded by death, he heads towards the city, to my undoing, I said to my neighbor Lala Kirpa Shankarji Brahmchari, by the way, “Lala Ji, the examination is approaching near. You’re a dawn-breaker, Why don’t you wake me up also in the morning.”

It seems as if he was only waiting for this request. Next day, as he woke up in the morning, he started beating up on my door mercilessly. For a short while, I thought I was dreaming. Why worry just yet? I’ll recite “La Hol” when I wake up. But the shelling became louder instantly and the wooden door started trembling. When the glass atop the water pot started ringing like jaltrang and the calendar hanging on the wall started oscillating like a pendulum, I had perforce to believe that I was not dreaming but was actually awake. In the meanwhile, the door continued banging. What to speak of myself, the ghosts of my forefathers and my own ‘sleeping destiny’ must have woken up. I told him repeatedly, “Yes, yes, thank you, I am up, very well – your kindness”. But he won’t listen. Dear Lord, what a torment! Is he waking a sleeping person or a dead body? And Jesus Christ too must have muttered a gentle ‘Rise’ to the dead bodies. He wouldn’t have pestered them. Did he fire canons to revive the dead? How could I have opened the door latch? Only those who have refined temperaments can understand how one has to wrestle with oneself to get out of the bed so early. At last, when I lighted the lamp and he saw the light, the banging stopped. Now when I looked at the sky through the window, I could see the twinkling stars. I thought to myself, I’d discover today how the sun rises. When I looked all around through the window and the ventilator and did not see any signs, of which I had heard from the family elders, of the early dawn, I got sort of worried. I wondered if there was a solar eclipse. When I failed to comprehend, I called the neighbor.

Lala Ji
Lala Ji

He answered with a “huh”. I said, “What’s the matter today? It is kind of dark.”

“Do you expect the sun to rise at 3-00 a.m?” I lost my wits when I heard it was 3-00 a.m.

“What did you say? Is it 3-00 a.m?”

He said, “No, not quite. It’s some seven to eight minutes after three.”

I cried, “O you luckless soul, you khudai faujdar, O you manner-less one, had I asked you to wake me up in the morning or did I ask you not to let me sleep at all? What kind of goodness is this to wake up at three in the morning? Do you take me for a Railway Guard? If I could wake up at three, wouldn’t my grandfather have held me dear? O you witless person, can I really survive after waking up at 3-00 a.m? I am the progeny of the rich, you know; it’s no joke. La Hol Wala Quwwat.”

I thought of relinquishing the rule of “no violence”, and then I thought better of it. Is it my duty to reform the whole mankind? I am concerned with my own affairs. I put out the lamp and went to sleep again.

And like all normal people, I woke up contentedly at 10 a.m.; washed myself by twelve noon and after having tea at four, I went out for a walk on the Mall.

I returned to the hostel in the evening. I was in the prime of my youth and on top of it, the evening was also romantic. The light breeze had excited my mood so that I entered the room singing, “If any body were to yearn for caressing the beloved’s tresses, it would be me.”

Just then the neighbor called.

Mr.?

I was about to snap my fingers. Hearing my neighbor’s voice, my fingers stopped instantly in the midst of the act and I became attentive to him.

He said, “You are singing, with emphasis on ‘you’?”

I said, “Yeah, What can I say? Anyhow, what is it?”

“Oh! You are disturbing me.”

With this, the musical spirit that had awakened in me died instantly on the spot. I said in my heart, “O you despicable creature, see those who want to study, they do it like this.” I prayed to God with great humility, “Please God! I’m about to start studying regularly, do help me and give me strength.” I wiped my tears, strengthened my heart and came to the table. I clenched my teeth, loosened the necktie and rolled up my sleeves – but I could not figure out what to do next. There was a heap of red, green, yellow books of all kinds; which one should I start first? I decided that I should first arrange them properly because order is essential for serious study.” I put all the large books on one side and arranged the smaller ones in another row. Then I wrote down the number of pages of all the different books on a notepaper. Then I counted the number of days up to April 15. I divided the number of pages by the number of days, the result was five hundreds fifty. It did not bother me but I did repent a little bit; may be, I should have gotten up at 3. But when I considered the ills that are caused by lack of sleep, I cursed myself for repenting uselessly. Finally, I concluded that waking up at 3-00 a.m. is simply preposterous; yeah, waking by five, six, - or seven should be alright. This way, I would keep my good health and at the same time, would be able to prepare for the examination adequately.

Naturally, I know that if you want to wake up early, you should go to bed early too. I had eaten from outside, so I entered the bed right away. It then occurred to me that it may be good to request Lala Ji to wake me up in the morning. Although my will power is strong enough, I can wake up any time I want to, yet it was not improper to ask him. I called,

“Lala Ji”.

“Yes”, he said, with the force with which you fling a stone.

I was slightly terrified; thought Lala Ji sounded a little angry. I requested him lispingly, “Lala Ji, I’m obliged really for your waking me up in the morning, sorry for the trouble. Tomorrow at six ‘o’ clock, I mean when it’s really six, if you…”

There was no response.

I repeated, “When it’s 6-00 a.m. Do you hear that?”

Again, silence.

Lala Ji.

A thundering voice replied. I heard you, yes, I’ve heard you. I will wake you up at six. Three gamma plus four alpha.

I said, “v-v-v- very good. May God make no one depend on others.”

Now Lala Ji is a real gentleman. According to his promise, he started banging the door at six next morning. His act of waking me up was just a hint for me. Had he not woken me up, I would have opened my eyes myself after a couple of minutes. Nonetheless, I thanked him profusely, as I had ought to, and he signaled acknowledgment by stopping the banging.

The subsequent events are a little muddled and controversial and the traditions about them also differ somewhat. However, of this I am sure that I had opened my eyes. I also remember that like a true and good Muslim I had recited the kalima-e-shahdat also. I remember too that before waking up, I had turned in the bed a couple of times, like a preface. I don’t remember anything afterwards. I took off the quilt or perhaps I put my head into it. I might have coughed or snored, etc. This of course is completely true that I was totally awake by ten ‘o’ clock. Did I read, or sleep; it is not very certain. No, I think I read, or may be I had slept. This however is a psychological issue in which neither you or I are competent, who knows? It is also possible that Lala Ji woke me up at ten ‘o’ clock instead of six, or six ‘o’ clock indeed had struck late. Who can interfere in God’s affairs? But I remained under the spell of doubt the whole day; it looked as if it was my fault. Now consider my natural goodness; I bore the hurt of my conscience, due to this doubt, the whole day and kept cursing myself. But I talked to Lala Ji quite cheerfully and thanked him heartily. And not to break his heart, I expressed my boundless gratitude to him for making it possible for me to spend purposefully the glorious and uplifting time of the morning. Otherwise, I would have woken up again at ten, like any other day.

“Lala Ji! The head is so clear in the morning that whatever you read, your mind registers it immediately. Oh brother! What a blessing is the morning! The day would be completely ruined and ill-spent if it were evening at the morning time.”

Lala Ji appreciated my utterances by inquiring, “So, should I wake you up at six every day?”

I said, “Yes, yes. There is no reason for you to ask this – without any doubt”.

I selected two books for the morning study and put them aside, in the evening; moved the chair close to the bed and placed the overcoat and muffler on the back of the chair. I left the warm hat with the earmuffs and the gloves nearby. Checked the matchbox under the pillow and after reciting ayat-ul-kursi three times with very good plans for the morning in my mind, I went for sleep.

I abruptly woke up in the morning at Lala Ji’s first knock. I pulled my head out of the opening in my quilt cheerfully and said good morning to Lala Ji. And then I coughed rather harshly. Lala Ji went back satisfied.

I relished my determination that I had woken up right away. I talked to my mind, “Dear mind, it is just an ordinary thing to wake up in the morning; I was scared of it for no reason.”

My mind said, “Yeah, you were worried for nothing.”

I said, “True, my friend. If we do not let laziness take control of ourselves, it can’t do any thing nor can it interfere in regularity. There must be thousands of idle and lazy people in Lahore who are sleeping unconsciously at this time. On the other hand, I, in order to discharge my duty, am awake willingly and with a good cheer. Lo! What good signs have emerged.”

My nose felt a little cold so I pulled it inside the quilt, a little bit. Good – so I have woken up on time today. Let me get used to it then I would start reciting the Quran and saying my morning prayer regularly. Religion is, after all, more important than every thing else. I had inclined towards atheism. I had neither fear of God nor was I frightened of the Prophet and I thought I would pass the examination with my efforts alone. The poor Akbar (Allahabadi) had died admonishing people against these evils but I didn’t take much notice of him. (The quilt slid up to the ears). So I have really woken up earlier than others – much earlier, exactly four hours before the college begins. How lazy are the gods of college management. Every healthy person should certainly wake up at six. I fail to understand why don’t they begin the college at seven. (The quilt is now over the head). The thing is that the modern civilization is undermining all of our higher vitalities – high living is on the increase by the day. (Eyes are closed). If it’s six ‘o’ clock now; I can study at least three hours continuously. However, the question is which book should I start with? Shakespeare or Wordsworth? I think Shakespeare would be better. Shakespeare contains the symbols of God’s greatness and what can be better than remembering God in the morning? On second thought, it did not appear good philosophy to start the day with emotional explosion, so I should better start with Wordsworth. Reading his work will soothe my heart and temper and both head and heart will enjoy the quiet attractions of nature. But Shakespeare –Hamlet – No, Wordsworth – Lady Macbeth – madness – green panorama – Sayd-e-Hawas-e-Kashmir, (Prey of the Kashmir Temptation) – I’m nastiness personified.

Now, this conundrum indeed pertains to the metaphysical philosophy that when I pulled my head from the quilt again and intended to read Wordsworth, it was the same old ten ‘o’ clock. I don’t understand the mystery.

I ran into Lala Ji in the college hall who said, “Mr. I called you in the morning again but you did not reply.”

I laughed loudly and said, “Oh, Lala Ji, don’t you remember I had said good morning to you. I was already awake.”

He said, “That’s okay. After that – about seven – I had asked you about the date. You did not respond.”

I looked at him with a great surprise as if he were nuts – and then I pretended to ponder with pinched forehead and a serious look. I was lost in thought for a minute or two and then smiling coquettishly, I said, “Oh yeah, you’re right. I was eh –eh - saying my prayer.”

Lala Ji was impressed and walked away. And I under the weight of my pietistic ingenuity and pretended abstemiousness, returned to my room.

Now this has become my daily schedule.

Waking no. 1 at 6-00 a.m.
Waking no. 2 at 10-00 a.m.
If, in the meanwhile, Lala Ji calls, - prayer.

When the ‘late heart’ was a world of desire, I used to aspire waking up like this:

Would that my beloved be a light sleeper. The first rays of the sun would brush my black curly hair. The fragrance of the flowers would enrich the morning air in the room. The delicate and beautiful hands would be gently touching the strings of the barbat and the soft and musical voice of my love would be singing, steeped in emotions of love,

Tum jago Mohan pyarey

The glorious mist of sleep then would dissolve slowly in the waves of music. The wakefulness would then tear the gossamer-thin veil of darkness like a pleasant magic. My face would be warmed by the glowing looks of my love; my eyes would then open and meet her glance. Her attractive smile would make the morning ever more glorious and the song ‘your darkish looks bewitch my heart’ would drown into the feelings of ‘reserve and hesitation’.

In stead of this, now I’ve to hear at first the sound of ‘Mr.’, ‘Mr.’, and then the banging of the door. After four hours, the clock tower starts clanging ten ‘o’ clock in every piece of my brain. During these four hours, the sounds of ‘gadvies’ falling on the ground, the upturning of the pans, the clanging of the doors, dusting of the books, dragging of the chairs, gurgling, coughing and clearing of throats, are, so to say, the ‘thumriyyan’. You may judge yourself, how much room is there in these musical instruments for rhythm and ‘tap’.

I only see death
When I look at my destiny