God was looking deep into my eyes, his voice sonorous, and his grey beard slick and smart. Ayaz Amir does a nifty job of playing the role of the almighty. The TV screen crackled as we exchanged meaningful glances. I was out from the reverie when I was shaken up by the woman seated next to him. I am aware that Asma Jehangir is the voice of a few million Pakistanis and she fights hard for their rights. But I do have a problem with people whose demeanour clearly seems to suggest that if you don’t try to mess with them, then they won’t know what to do for a living. Mushahid Hussein, the third person, was not quite sure whether he ought to be where he is –he was a bit like a Sufi on a rollercoaster ride.

This was getting to be fun. All the action happening in the living room where three monkeys (no, not my relatives) were telling me not to see lies, tell lies, listen to lies. Who cares about one’s ancestors? The NDTV programme asked us poor mortals to send in SMS messages. I thought this was my moment of glory. I keyed in my query: “What gives Pakistan the right to speak for Indian Muslims?” Since this was a panel made up of eminent representatives from across the border, I thought it might be relevant. I did not get to hear my question. The next thing I know is on the Big Story when they read out the messages, the anchor said, “And Farzana says there should be peace between the two countries.” Huh?

On Monday night, the natty anchor went to an open-air restaurant and tried to get the “young voices”. They were asked whether there should be trade and other links. They said yes, but many insisted that Kashmir was an issue. One young woman even said, “We are culturally different, definitely.” What was the anchor’s closing statement? “As you can see, people here all want peace…” or some such bullcrap.

The Indian journalists in Pakistan have been behaving as though they are in a mela with candy floss in their hands. Everything looks pink and rosy, or perhaps it does not, and they are merely enjoying the weather. Of course, they are…some have been cursing the Delhi fog and saying how Islamabad is so wonderful, the sun shines, the heating system works. They are doing what they are supposed to do. Being literal about what is obvious and lying about the undercurrents.

You cannot be very critical if you are a part of a jamboree. And if you are on a sponsored peace mission, you have to stick to the nihari-halwa-silk route. We have reports about how Indian hacks are being stopped in the street by ordinary people and told that they want peace. Yet, no one is going to ask them to relocate to Pakistan. Because they will do what they do best: change their tune once they return to Indian soil.

Then we will get post-mortems about how the tumour inside is malignant and unless it is removed the body won’t function well. Then why could they not say so from where they were? 300 of them are part of the entourage. How many are from the regional press, the small newspapers from towns in Muzzarfarnagar, Sopore, Tirunelvelli, Gadchiroli? Will those in such far-flung areas who have been separated by their relatives have it easy anymore? Are salon soirees representative of the big P?

Mere PM gaye pardes

There is a bit of noise about how the American media is raising questions about Pervez Musharraf’s position on terrorism and this apparently on the instigation of the US Establishment. It is possible. But how free is the Indian media? Both countries chose a broad Saarc forum, knowing that they would be the heroes. While Atal Behari Vajpayee, the man who had stated after Gujarat, “Today’s Islam preaches violence and militancy” decided to put even the attack on the Indian Parliament behind him, our media reps in Islamabad got into overdrive. As one report claimed, “‘Only he can deliver’ is the refrain from the man on the street to the strategic expert close to the Establishment. This arises from the perception that only the BJP can deliver on peace…”

Isn’t this wonderful? Talks in February, cricket in March and general elections in India in April. So what has peace with Pakistan got to do with it? My query about Pakistan and Indian Muslims was not a hollow one. On December 15, one headline screamed, “BJP plans ‘secular’ Muslim party”. As a ‘secular Muslim’, I refuse the government in power the right to decide who should represent me. The saffron parties that have been crying hoarse about Haj subsidies, the Muslim Personal Law, Article 370 and a whole lot of other sops for the minority community are now ready to encourage the forming of a “Muslim” party to contest 50 seats in the country. The BJP president, M. Venkaiah Naidu, evidently believes that such secularism can only be found among the clerics, who his party is speaking to. The Central government also plans to give a Rs.50 crore package to the Ajmer dargah.

Can India then be in a position to talk about the mullah stranglehold over Pakistan? Mr. Naidu has accused Sonia Gandhi of running away from the development debate when she made a plea for the unity of all secular parties in Aligarh. Does making Syed Ahmed Bukhari contest the next elections from Chandni Chowk or giving money to a religious organisation or involving imams in politics constitute ‘development’? After these moves, the party president had the gall to suggest that the BJP is against appeasement of the community but not against Muslims. He said, “We are for it, if a party is formed for the welfare of Muslims, we will support it.” The welfare of all citizens in a democracy rests on the government in power. The last time a party was formed for the welfare of a community, we had another country. The BJP secularists might be happy with their sadhus, but the secular Muslims are just not interested in permitting clerics to be their voice. It is fascist for the Establishment to decide who must represent our ideology.

Just as I believe this superior attitude towards the Jamaat-e-Islami chief, Qazi Huseein Ahmed, is ridiculous. Instead of probing deeper into why although he was among the most prominent people to greet Mr. Vajpayee during the Lahore bus ride, he was now saying that “Saarc is meaningless without Kashmir being resolved”, the Indian media has talked about him “having to eat his own words.” And how did that happen? When the Pakistani PM shook hands with our PM! Trust poor Mir Zafarullah Khan Jamali to state, “Let me tell you Mr. Vajpayee is holding my hand very very firmly.” Sure, they both need to save their positions.

There were rumours that the film LoC should not have been released at such an important time. I hate to say this, but while the families of the army persons who have been celebrated in this film are happy with the movie, the media rubbished it. Is this too a planned strategy to ignore Kargil while the Indians and Pakistanis played their games of peace? I do not like jingoistic films anyway, but contemporary reality must leave some room for history.

This is not pessimism or cynicism. In a few days when they have got over the hangover (incidentally, Indian journalists have been proudly sending dispatches about sneaking in liquor), they will tell you about sounding a note of caution. Just how removed they are from reality is when they were shocked when they heard someone talk about, “Hindu pani, Muslim pani.”

I will show you a recent letter in the newspapers that amazed me with its ‘logic’. The writer believes that if you find a place in the Indian cricket team even if you come from a state where your community has been persecuted with the active connivance of the government in power, then all is well with the world. It is “secular” intellectuals who have the audacity to malign the poor Gujarat government when Irfan Pathan, a teenager, the son of a maulvi who lives in a mosque can play cricket for the country.

This is India 2004 too. I am waiting for those 300 watchdogs of society to please come back home. And face the truth even if they do not want to tell it to us.