Lahore ka Jughraphiah By Pitrus Bukhari Translated by Mohammad Gill

Introduction

By way of introduction I only want to say that a lot of time has passed when Lahore was discovered. Therefore there is no need to prove its existence by reason and logic. There is also no need to suggest rotating the globe from right to left until it stops with India in front of you and then searching the location of Lahore at the intersection of such and such longitude and such and such latitude. And that wherever the name of Lahore is written on the globe that is the location of Lahore. The elders have described the essence of all this research in these curt and expressive words: Lahore is Lahore. If you cannot find Lahore from this description, it only proves that your education is defective and intelligence questionable.

Location

As such, I want to remove a couple of misunderstandings. Lahore is located in Punjab but now Punjab is no longer ‘punj (five)’ ‘aab (rivers)’. In the land of five rivers, only four and a half rivers flow now. The half river that is there is really unable to flow. It is called Ravi-the weak (issi ko istilah mein Ravi zaeef kahtay hain, this sentence is double meaning).

You will find this river near the two bridges (one for railway trains and the other is the road bridge) where it lies in the sand bed; the act of flowing has stopped since long. It is therefore difficult to say if the city is located on the right or the left bank.

There are two ways to reach Lahore; one of them is from Peshawar and the other from Delhi. The invaders from the central Asia came by way of Peshawar and those from the U.P. used the Delhi route. The former are called ‘the people of the sword’ and use the pseudonym of Ghaznavi and Ghauri; the latter are ‘the people of the tongue’ (ahl-e-zuban). They also use pseudonyms and have special mastery in it.

The Four Boundaries (Hudood Arba’a)
It is said that sometimes in the past, Lahore had its four boundaries too but for the convenience of the students, the Municipality has abolished it. Now Lahore itself is situated on all the four bounds of Lahore and is gradually becoming more permanently situated in this way. Some experts believe that within ten or twenty years, Lahore will be the name of a province whose capital city will be Punjab. It is easy to visualize as if Lahore were a body on every part of which a ‘growth’ appears but this growth is free of any malignant matter. This expansion, so to say, is a kind of ailment which has betaken Lahore.

Climate (Aab-o-Hawa)

There are a variety of opinions current about Lahore’s climate, which, almost all of them, are wrong. The truth is that the Lahore residents have recently expressed a desire that like all other cities, Lahore should also be given a climate. The Municipality has arrived at a conclusion after a great deal of debate and discussion that in this progressive period of time when several countries of the world are getting ‘home rule’ and there are signs of awakening among the people, this desire of Lahore’s residents is not improper; it deserves sympathetic consideration.

Unfortunately, the Municipality was in short supply of air. Therefore, the people were advised not to misuse the air in view of the common good. Now dust is used instead in Lahore on common occasions and smoke on special ones. The Municipality has established tens of thousands of the supply centers of smoke and dust where these compounds are distributed free. It is hoped this will produce satisfactory results.

For the provision of water and air (climate), there is one scheme, in particular, which has been under consideration of the Municipality for a long time. This scheme is in existence since the time of Nizam Saqqa (Nizam-the Waterman). However, there is one problem in its implementation, which is that most of the plans prepared by Nizam are destroyed and the others are difficult to read and construe. It is possible that further research and investigation might take a few more years. The temporary arrangement of water supply, in the mean time, is not to allow the rainwater to drain out of the city. The Municipality is very successful in this plan and it is hoped that shortly every street will have its own river, allowing the fish to breed in it in due time. Every fish will have a ring in its stomach and every voter will wear it at the time of Municipality election.

It is proven however after researching Nizam Saqqa’s papers that pumps are needed for water supply; the Municipality has installed these pumps everywhere after expending millions of rupees. These pumps contain only hydrogen and oxygen for the time being; it is certain that these gases will compound together to form water, one day. Consequently, a few drops of water trickle from a few pumps every now and then. The citizens have been advised to keep their pots under the pumps all the time so that they are not disappointed in catching these water drops at due time. The residents are rejoicing on this arrangement.

Means of Transportation

The tourists who plan to visit Lahore should understand a few things about Lahore’s means of transportation in order to form true impressions of their visit. The road which turns and twists through the city bazaars is of historical importance. It is the same road which was built by Sher Shah Suri. This is considered a relic of the past and is viewed with great respect. It is not allowed to temper with ipso facto. The potholes and trenches which had toppled several ‘sultanates’ in the pastare still preserved with great care. Nowadays, several people lose their boards (takhtah) here which teaches them penitence by reminding them of the greatness of the past.

Some people, in order to be more penitent, attach a couple of wheels under these boards and a couple of hooks in front to hold a horse. This gadget is commonly called a tonga. The fun people cover this contraption with canvas for facilitation of slipping so that they might become even more penitent.

The pedigree horses are generally used for food. The butchers sell their meet in their shops, which is eaten by the people, who have their spurs and buckles in place (zeen kuss kar). The mongrel (banaspati) horses are used in tongas. These horses resemble the ‘stars with tails (comets)’ because the tail is more prominent in their structure than the horse itself. While in motion, the mongrel presses its tail to maintain a certain moderation in its speed so that every historical pothole of the road and every jolt of the tonga leave a permanent imprint on you for the enjoyment of this experience by every pore of your body.

Worth Seeing Places

Lahore’s worth seeing places are difficult to discern because every wall of the city’s historical building is built in double. The original wall is built of mortar and plaster which is then covered with commercial posters; they steadily keep on growing in thickness. At first, small posters with uncertain messages are plastered on the walls, such as “Happy Tidings to the Lahore Residents, ”Durable and Cheap Goods,” etc. Then the posters which are addressed to the educated and the intellectuals are used, such as, “Great Tailor House,” “Rare Opportunity for the Students,” “Kahtee Haiy Tum Ko Khalq-e-Khuda Ghaibana Kia,” etc. By and by, the four walls of the building assume the form of a complete directory. There is a poster for the boot polish above the door; on the right is the address where you can find fresh butter; and on the left are mentioned the pills for restoring your memory. Above the window is pasted the program of “Anjuman Khuddam-e-Millat;” on another window is the complete description of the personal character of a popular leader; the back wall carries the list of all the circus animals and on the stable door is the picture of Miss Naghma Jaan with all the merits of her new film. These posters keep on changing rapidly and every happy tiding, every new discovery, or the tribulations of the great revolution are instantly pasted on the stationary objects. Therefore the appearance of every building keeps constantly changing and even the residents find it difficult to recognize them.

But ever since it became customary to write some selected commercial ‘maxims’ on the bare walls, this difficulty is somewhat alleviated. Now there is no fear of losing the site of one’s house or the house of a friend, simply because previously it carried a poster for the beds (Char Pai’s) and on one’s return, it conveyed the good news for the residents of new and cheap shoes. It is therefore absolutely certain that the place where Muhammed Ali Dentist is displayed in bold letters is the office of the newspaper “Inqilab.” And the place where it is written “Electric, Water and Steam,” Dr. Iqbal lives there. The “Pure Ghee Sweetmeats” is the house of Imtiaz Ali Taj. “Krishna Beauty Cream” goes to Shalimar Gardens and the “Proven Prescription for Cough” goes to Jahangir’s tomb.

Industries

In addition to the posters, the magazine publication is another industry of Lahore but the greatest one is that of ‘Anjuman Saazi (Forming Societies)’. Commonly every ordinary issue of every magazine is dubbed as ‘special issue’. The common numbers usually carry the picture of the editor only; the special ones also carry the pictures of Miss Slochana and Miss Kanjan.

Every square inch of Lahore is inhabited by an anjuman; their presidents are however few in numbers. For this reason, there are only a couple of persons who are performing this important function. The aims and objectives of theses societies are usually different; many a time the same person presides over the opening ceremony of a religious conference in the morning, in the afternoon, he introduces Miss Naghma Jaan, and participates in the dinner of a cricket team in the evening. This helps broadening the perspective of the president. His speech is such as can be used on all the three occasions without causing any discomfort to the audience.

Produce

The greatest produce of Lahore is its students who are in great numbers and are exported abroad in thousands. The crop is planted in early winter and it matures usually toward the end of spring.

There are several kinds of students; some of them are really famous. The first kind is called “Jamali (the Beautiful).” These students are first produced by the tailors and then they are sent to the washer men and the barbers. After this operation, they are exhibited in some restaurant and after sunset in some cinema or its vicinity.

There are several beauties. They keep their pictures in albums and write letters to them in the holidays.

The second kind is “Jalali (Daunting).” Their family is usually connected to Jalal-ul-Din Akbar; India’s throne is therefore considered their heritage. They walk in the company of several friends in the evening and exhibit their generosity in several ways.

They don’t like the fare served in the hostels and therefore they don’t live there.

The third kind is that of “Khayali (Imaginative)” students. They are frequently found exchanging views on beauty, ethics, reincarnation, and democracy, in loud voice. They present new concepts of creation and the psychology of sex. They consider physical health essential for the evolution of humankind. So they do five to six push-ups in the early morning and inhale deep breaths on the hostel’s roof in the evening. They sing invariably although they are always out of tune.

The fourth kind is that of “Khali” students, i.e., just students. This is the most authentic kind of students. They do not wet their hem with any kind of filth. They don’t let the fears of books, examinations, study and others of the same sort, interfere in their day-to-day life. The innocence with which they had arrived in the college remains untarnished till the end. They spend their life in the midst of learning, syllabuses, and lessons like the ‘tongue within the thirty two teeth.’

There is another kind of students which has appeared in the last few years but to have a good and close look at them, it is essential to use convex lenses. They are the ones who can buy the rail ticket at half price and can also travel in the women’s compartment if they choose so. Now the university has imposed a condition on its colleges because of them that only those persons should be appointed professors who are demonstrably in the category of mammals.

Physical Conditions

Physically, the Lahore residents are of very good temperament.

Questions

1.Why do you like Lahore? Write in detail.
2.Who discovered Lahore and why?
3.Write a eulogy for the Municipal Committee.