Reflecting back at the nineties I wish I could go back. I had no comprehension that the small insignificant steps taken then would have splashed out to be so internationally influential to the point of sealing reputations of modern classics and gaining cult following. We all remember in the early nineties how we purchased our first satellite dish. Remember when we all felt an intense sense of liberation from the dry and dull repression of PTV television. We were no more chained to watch the cosmetically distorted faces that took on a tangerine and shocking red tinge on our television sets.

Those of us who were guilty of admitting to be bored of the so called Pakistani media culture that persecuted us with religious guilt when we wanted to watch some light hearted western comedy during the month of Ramadan. As a result NTM was our first saviour from the humdrum horrors of PTV, where we got our daily dose of more tasteful light-hearted comedy sitcoms. However, it is when we purchased our satellites that we were enthralled with the three great American sitcoms that have all fortunately or unfortunately come to an end. We said our goodbyes to three of the much-loved shows of the world- ‘Friends’, ‘Frasier’ and ‘Sex and the City’. The whole world along with Pakistan’s urban generation mourns the end of what critics are terming a media sitcom ‘era’.

Taking examples more specifically from ‘Friends’ and ‘Sex and the City’, Pakistani masses were engrossed in ‘Friends’ and women especially consumed by ‘Sex and the City’. I ask the question, why is it that the Pakistani masses were just as much addicted? Our cultural pride rests on strong family values and moral religious obligations vehemently opposed to western liberalism and heightened sense of individuality. Our culture opposes women’s social independence, more so women’s extreme sexual freedom. Our society does not encourage individualism nor does it encourage the ‘Friends’ way of life in which the only hint of family values seemed to be applied is towards their peers. Since when was our society so accepting and tolerant of these values to the degree that these two sitcoms gained a cult following similar to the West? In fact since when did we become so tolerant of these shows that most of us can now say we have grown up on ‘Friends’? Think about it?

According to culture watchers there are a ‘constellation’ of factors that help programmes last; ‘great writers, producers and actors, a good concept; room to grow with a strong ensemble cast offering multiple story lines; a desirable time slot; audience comfort; loyal networks support; and the publics fickle taste-the wild card’ and of course the constant reference to contemporary texts and events. All of which make perfect sense. Gary R. Edgerton, [chairman of the Communication and Theatre Arts Department at Old Dominion University] explains ‘when Friends began… the actors and actresses were relatively unknown. Now it's star driven. The concept has run its course…People go to them ‘cause it’s like tuning into an old friend.’ Which is the magic of Friends established world over but our culture never encouraged friends to be close such as them neither did it ever expect its children to move out to live with friends. Still not a significant trend, but we can see it amongst a few people and students especially students studying abroad. However there are many who aspire to live like friends. The loft apartment to come home to in which you live either with your boyfriend or best friend while occasionally meeting up for a coffee at Central Perk for a chat. It was so appealing to our generation and we have picked on that independence in some way.

The formula for such a success combines ‘comfort, convention and invention’ that is ‘use an old concept with a new spin.’ But was this an old concept for us? Was it an old concept that the urban generation move into their own place? Or that many of us date regularly in search for the perfect soul mate? Well on the surface of it all the answer is no. Yet many of us know of the existence of a ‘secret society’. This society hidden from our families yet in the open amongst our peers; this society is blatantly flaunting its flesh to mainstream society yet they tend to give it a blind eye. Our group of friends comprised of men and women and we all have a Joey in our group and a Rachel defiantly. Many of us have also been dating since we were 16 and of course evidently many of us have been involved in various sexual relationships.

Constantly we all try to make sense of things, and the way we make sense of things is by putting ourselves in other people’s shoes. That is, constantly relating situations to our own in order to rationalise- there by in need of a feeling of belonging. Our society forces us to keep a lot of our feelings to ourselves and it is only recently that peers have come into play to this significance. By watching a show like ‘Friends’, we can tune out of our lives and watch it and feel a sense of belonging, a sense of normality. What we feel and what we go through is reflected in this post-modern show of western reality in its comical prime. Our love for this show is not simply down to its pure entertainment value but the fact that we all are relating to this reality in one form or the other.

Our generation is now increasingly becoming independent especially women. If you can reflect back into our daily lives ten years ago and now look around you see women driving their cars, working in restaurants, in customer services, HR managements, events manager, business women, artists, writers etc. Women are coming to adore independent women who have achieved their dreams so gracefully, women such as Sameena Peerzada. The glass ceiling effect is breaking gradually.

‘Sex and the City’ is a show that all women can relate to at some level if not to its blatant extremity. The women of the west and the women of the east find themselves nodding their heads in unison during the girls’ daily session of meeting up for lunches and dinners. It reminds me of when the American housewives of the 50s dared not to speak of their unwillingness towards their domestic duties. How they never felt the divine happiness that everyone spoke of, till one day one of them started talking and that sparked of the feminist revival of the 70s. How all women stood up and burned their bras in rebellion of what in their eyes was the pathological domain of male domination.

Similarly, in post-feminist society in 1998 four groups of women stood up and spoke out our deepest resentments. What women want in bed and relationships from men was translated into this series. Samantha gave women in their menopause or surviving breast cancer new hope. The singletons unlucky in love were comforted by Carry, and some of us women who just cannot stop controlling and planning everything saw a small bit of us in Miranda. And I can imagine many Pakistani women related to Charlotte. The beautiful maiden of Park Avenue who was the prim and perfect one who only wanted a traditional marriage that would be perfect like she dreamt of when younger is deconstructed continuously during the series.

Women in Pakistan are more educated presently, most of them working in demanding jobs. We never give credit to the single mothers who in our conservative society brave the public domain dominated by men and simultaneously making sure her children are provided for. There are young women working with men and travelling the world for their careers and have no plans for marriage for a long time. Women today are rebelling against arranged marriages at an early stage. Women today are defining their individualities with their jobs. Thereby dating amongst women has increased and so has promiscuity, women today, are more daring than ever before. The young men today are now worrying how to please their women in relationships as well as sexually. Sex and the City is our favourite show simply because this is echoing many women’s feelings and providing many with courage to speak up and follow their desires.

We stereotypically blame the western media to corrupt our supposedly once pure culture that our people revered. Yet the definition of culture is so ambiguous that it makes it plausible (to my delight) to reject the cliché altogether. Culture is like an entity that manifests itself through successive generations each contributing their shared sense of meanings. Though media has played a wide role in our cultures representations, it cannot be denied that our generation has successfully welcomed and encouraged these changes.

The urban post-modern reality demands excessive rationalisation at every step of our lives that inescapably triggers our sense of individualisation. Though our society has not reached such an extreme, but it will get there very soon. Our sense of reality contains our desire to fulfil our needs and wants and in turn feels responsible to a group of people we choose. I am not stating that we all will forget our families and put them at the bottom of our priority, though we’d love to, our culture still does not allow us to. We are forced by the moral order to be respectful to our elders, which is a healthy sign of society as long as it is not taken to coercive extents, which we all are aware of is done so regularly.

However, our choice of people that we confide in is our friends, which brings me to my previous points. Sitcoms with the comfort value and representing the comical view of individualistic and excessively rational lives are appealing to us. So for men and women today it is easy to relate to Rachel’s first step into the real world and working her way up the ladder. We understand the meaning and the need of a group of friends as our urban family. Similarly ‘Sex and the City’ appealed to the women because of the independence the four women share carried with their dependency on each other friendships.

Pakistani society has undergone significant cultural changes. Our popular culture is increasingly being defined by, not only western, but our local bands, so much so that we associate our individualities with it. The urban generation barters their individualities with popular fashion to emphasise their personalities. Our social lives are taking on a whole new meaning and dating and pre-marital sex is more common now days than ever before. More and more marriages of the past are now breaking up both men and women expect more from each other emotionally and sexually. Yet still we do adhere to our family values and take the word ‘respect’ very seriously. Right now it is an interesting mix of the east and west.

Our influences from around the world are being customised to our culture. So when Ricky Gervais was handed the Golden Globe award for The Office for the best comedy series by Jennifer Aniston, it was an end of an ‘era’. The casual comfort comedy has now come to an end, the new trend that seems to be surfacing are comedies like the Office, the very ordinariness of life with a comical twist. Will we be taking on these comedies, what other social changes await us now that will reflect in our popular shows? I only hope that this year we come out of the closet and open up to who we really are.