The Aftergod

ACT: 1

Gabriel, a wing broken, an ear bleeding, and the left eye all swollen: This time, Michael, this time, we are going down.

Michael, as bad as it gets for an angel, war weary, torn from the insides, bruised and bloodied from the out: How did they make their way back in? We were unprepared. But we fought hard. We will go on. Must not let Lucifer triumph. Must not give in.

Gabriel: Regroup, regroup. How many angels dead?
Michael: Many, many, so many. Have to rely on allies. Human allies. But some are recruits from hell. Azazel has made for Lucifer’s army much better weapons than he did during the First War.

Gabriel, looking curiously at his electron sword: Who makes our weapons?
Michael: A human ally. He dwelled in hell. Fought the second Christian crusade. Said he’d help only if allowed to fight in purgatory with a much-hated Muslim nemesis.

Gabriel: Saladin?

Michael: Yes. He is languishing in purgatory. The Lord wanted it that way. Thought he could have led a rebellion against you and me.

Enter Azrael, the archangel of death: Didn’t you two hear my call? I blew and blew. Tore out and away hundreds of hearts from the bosom of Lucifer’s army. But they kept coming. And then …

Michael: And then what brother? You look sad. You look tired.

Azrael: Haven’t you heard?

Gabriel: Heard what? Just screams. Screams the sort I last heard during the
First War in Heaven.

Azrael, head down in sadness, legs trembling over the once green but now scorched grounds of heaven: They have reached the seventh sky. Led by Lucifer and his high command. Abbadon, Asmodeous, Sameal, Beezlebub, Murmur … all were there. Charging away on their winged dragons, all the hundreds of the original fallen angels … demons. Demons and their human allies from hell … and heaven.

Gabriel: Whom from heaven?

Azrael: Moses …Ram …Omar … Hitler …

Michael: Hitler? But he was on our side? I took special permission from the Lord to transfer him here from hell. Adolph gave me his word that he will help us in this war for a place in heaven. I’ll banish that sodomizer back to hell!
Gabriel: What about Mohammad and Ali? Are they still professing neutrality?
Michael: Yes. They wanted Saladin out from purgatory, remember? And they also refused fighting in an army that had some Christian crusaders and Osama BinLaden.

Gabriel, surprised: But that Muslim jihadi we pulled out from hell wasn’t Osama! We just used Jerahmeel and Mercury to spread some disinformation. We wanted Lucifer and his army to believe that Osama was dead on earth and we recruited his soul! Didn’t Mohammad know that? I even told Munkar and Nakeer to tell this to Mohammad!

Michael: They did tell him. But he would not even hear Osama’s name. He just wanted the mountain to come to him. Whatever that means.

Gabriel: But why Moses and Ram? They were on our side at the beginning of this war.

Azrael: They crossed. Apparently because we had asked Gothama (Buddha), King Tut and Akber to join us.

Gabriel: But Gothama refused. He’s professed neutrality with Mohammad and Ali.

Azrael: Doesn’t matter, brothers. Lucifer’s army is nearing the Lord’s throne. We can’t stop them this time. So I got hold of one of Lucifer’s lieutenants…

Gabriel: Who?

Azrael: Pazuzu!

Michael: He fell with Lucifer in the First War in Heaven. Why is he joining us now? He became a demon.

Azrael: He says that if he helps us fight a guerilla war against Lucifer then he should be made an archangel of the Seraphim Seraph. It was Sariel’s idea.

Gabriel: Seraphim? That Seraph belongs to the highest order of the angel hierarchy! And since when did Sariel start doing things without first informing me?

Azrael: Sariel has always been a great warrior angel. He was besides you in the First War too. He fights with you in this one as well. We need Pazuzu.

Pazuzu flies in, riding a giant, brown locust: Bruised, burned and lost, aye? Lucifer is about to overthrow that Lord of yours. Prepare for a prolonged guerilla war.

Gabriel: Pazuzu! Haven’t seen you in a while. Remember the bleeding you all got in the First War? Do you think we will put down our weapons so cowardly? An archangel you shall never be! Tell me, did Lucifer plant you among us as a spy?

Pazuzu, laughing: Fools! Tell them Azrael. Lucifer’s army is at the gates of the seventh sky. Your Lord is about to lose his throne. And by the way, they have also preempted your Lord’s last-ditch tactic.

Gabriel: You lie!

Pazuzu: Adam and Eve have joined them as well …or didn’t Azrael tell you. Should have trusted Marx and Bakunin instead. They were ready to fight on your side, weren’t they?

Michael: Yes, and they did. They were the first humans to join our ranks from hell. But they kept denying the existence of the Lord. Even when we presented Him to them and He granted them a pardon for joining our ranks. But … they kept saying that He was as vicious as Lucifer. That Lucifer and God are one and the same.

Pazuzu: Ah, but they told me to fuck off as well when Lucifer send me to recruit them! So what?

Gabriel: Mind your tongue demon. Don’t forget, you are in God’s Kingdom. This is heaven. Not hell or Earth.

Pazuzu: You fools! Look outside. Blood, fire, dead angels and Lucifer’s army about to overthrow your Lord’s kingdom.

Gabriel, restless, confused: How did you all get back in?

Pazuzu: The “M Theory.” We got a Nazi scientist the formula required to build in hell a dozen anti-matter bombs. It was actually Ronald Reagan’s idea. Some bombs were detonated to disturb and shake the dimension humans live in. That collided with the ones that hold heaven and hell, making a gaping hole. Ha! Should’ve seen Stalin applaud. Embraced Reagan like a lover!
Michael: Why should we trust you to help us?

Pazuzu: Did you trust Moses to join Lucifer? Or for Mohammad to remain neutral?

Gabriel, sighing: It had to be one of our former angel or prophet allies who must have leaked out the Lord’s last ditch tactic to Lucifer. Let us prepare, brothers. Prepare for that guerrilla war. I shall not let Lucifer sit on that throne for long. (Goes into an agitated silence) …

Pazuzu: Go on, say it. Your Lord is fast losing this war. He can’t hear you anymore.

Gabriel looks up and whispers, as if to himself: I shall not let Lucifer sit on that throne for long … a throne that should have been MINE …


ACT: 2

God, like an outline of energy and light, sat waiting on his throne, waiting for Lucifer’s army to gate crash its way in.

Enter Lucifer with two of his top Generals, Hades and Abaddon: Can you hear the end? The bleeding? Your army dies. Angels converting, your humans … yes, ugh! Humans … your favorite humans… Adam now kneels in front of ME!

God: Your defeat lies in the triumph of good on Earth…

Lucifer: But Earth burns, it stinks …it always has. I have no use of it anymore. HERE …on that throne do I belong. And this time it is you and your angels who shall fall. There shall be a new order here. There will no heaven, no hell … just the kingdom of the shining star. Lucifer! And you, you shall fall. Bleed like a human, run scared like a renegade jinn, and squirm like a demon on Earth.

God: Your defeat lies in the triumph of good on Earth. It will be done. Much sooner than you thought. (Calls Jesus and Mehdi).

Lucifer, laughing: But, of course. Your last ditch tactic?

God: So you know.

Lucifer: And so I do. Planning to send down the two saviors earlier than planned? To make good triumph? To win the game? The game’s over. A game played according to YOUR rules. You are like a human child …

Jesus intervenes: And you like a typical human swine! What was it that man Bakunin call you? Yes, bloodletting capitalist pig!

Lucifer: Ha! Is that why your Lord chose him to burn in hell? He now lies slaughtered. And what say you? Child killing, rapist, megalomaniac white men singes YOUR praises down on Earth!

Jesus: Misled by YOU and your demons!

Lucifer: No! Corrupted by the ego of your Lord and the madness of his human prophets.

Mehdi, switching on his electron sword: How dare you! You can’t stop us.

Hades with his bare claws splits open the ground in front of Mehdi. Mehdi falls in.

Lucifer: And now my friend Jesus. Mustn’t you ask why your Lord didn’t use his wonderful powers to help poor Mehdi?

Jesus, looking confusingly at God: Lord?

God: Lucifer is right. I can’t do much now to stop him from taking over. I can’t even stop him from killing you. But Lucifer, my star, I am God. And I plan to remain God.

Lucifer, smiling: Your last ditch effort has been defeated. So how do you plan to stay God? Prepare. Prepare to be banished.

God, shaking his head calmly: Prepare, prepare for an Earth we have never known.

Lucifer, puzzled: What?

God: Look down below. Down from that ugly crack from where Mhedi fell. Look hard. Earth like when I first made it. I have taken time back right to the start. There is Adam and here comes Eve. But they shall never know of me. Or of you. And neither will those who shall follow them. And I shall not ask you to kneel in front of Adam. And you shall not rebel. There will be no game.

Lucifer, head down, looking resigned: Sigh. The last ditch tactic. (Throws down his sword. Asks Hades and Abaddon to do the same).

Jesus: This can’t be! Humans will never be able to survive without God. Without religion …Without Satan.

Lucifer: It is over, Jesus.

Jesus, speaking to God angrily: This is why Mohammad, Ali and Gothama decided to remain neutral, right? This is why Moses and Ram joined Lucifer, right? They knew. They knew the true nature of your last ditch effort! They shall be nothing but Godless, worthless humans in your new Earth. And so shall I! And what would Gabriel and Michael think? They fought two vicious wars for you! The thousands of angels who died. For what?

God, touching Jesus’ forehead with a lightening finger, turning him into mud: Go, my beloved Jesus. Go in peace. And return. To Earth. A godless Earth. A peaceful Earth. None won. (To Lucifer):And away we go. Move back to our own parallels. Forever away. Away from Earth.

Lucifer, kneeling in front of God: And it will be done, my Lord. Detonates a massive anti-matter bomb: And away we go. God speed.