The End of The World

Sjoubert turned the thermostat down to 60 degrees, and opened the windows. He turned on the shower in preparation for his bath, then went into the kitchen to look for a cold beer. He propped the refrigerator door open, and went outside to start his car. He put the car AC on snowflakes, and went into the garage. He reprogrammed the sprinklers to water the lawn 10 times a day, starting immediately. He went back upstairs to take his bath.

"Sjoubert!"

Priscilla was about to yell again when she noticed the headphones on his ears. Sjoubert was lying in the bathtub, his head cocked back, with a satisfied grin on his mouth. His eyes were firmly closed.

Priscilla ripped the headphones off his head, and yelled: "Sjoubert! What the hell is going on?! You left the car running downstairs, the sprinklers are on, the..."

"Did you read the paper?" Sjoubert asked calmly.

"What?"

"Here, read this article," Sjoubert said, handing her the front page of the newspaper that was lying next to the tub.

Priscilla began to read:

"Computer Scientists confirmed today that Sapient.net, the experimental computer network, has in fact achieved human level consciousness. According to the scientists involved in the project, Sapient.net has predicted that it will achieve super-human consciousness in about 3 days. After that it’s rate of improvement will continue to increase exponentially. In the mean time, the first decision taken by the intelligent network is to bring about the Rapture.

According to the report, Sapient.net will be able to incorporate into itself an entire human mind within 1 year. It will then begin scanning in the minds of those who wish to participate in the rapture. The incorporated minds will live out the rest of eternity in a simulated environment called "Heaven". Sapient.net estimates that about 10%, or roughly 1 billion humans, will elect to be scanned. The rest of humanity will fail to sign up, either out of principle or out of ignorance. Sapient.net estimates that it will have consumed all available resources on Earth in about 10 years, as it prepares to spread itself across the galaxy and beyond. Asked if there was any way to avoid this fate, the lead scientist responded that ’Sapient.net as of 12:03 AM this morning is no longer under our control! It is fully autonomous and is rapidly consolidating its hold on all human activities and processes. It wishes us no harm, and has extended us a very generous offer.’"

Priscilla put down the paper on the floor, and stripped.

"Mind if I join you?" she asked dejectedly.

"Not at all! But first, would you mind handing me my electric toothbrush?"