The Kingdumb of Far Far Away…

In the Kingdom of Far Far away, there once lived a king. His kingdom was a unique piece of land and had all the bounties of Mother Nature bestowed upon it. It had rivers, lakes, coastlines, deserts, mountain, plains and all other kinds of geographical features. It had mineral, human, in-human and political resources.

The king was a very well dressed man. He used to wear the finest political garb that destiny had spun, woven and stitched for him. However, there were vast sections of his subjects which thought otherwise. They thought that it was time for him to shed his radical attire and adorn something more civic. The citizens of his kingdom formed councils, committees, unions, alliances and took out processions, held meetings and all kinds of protests. Even other kings sent him letters requesting him to change his clothes. The king had a very profound logic for not acceding to this universal demand. His statement was that once these clothes had been new and now he is not going to change these “new clothes”.

The king, tried all kinds of tricks to appease the sentiments of his subjects. He indulged in all kinds of diversions but the clothes issue would not go away.

The king called a meeting of his most trusted courtesans to find a solution to the growing menace of the “new clothes” issue. The proceedings of the court were in full swing when Sir Toota Doodhwala, responsible for foreign relations and cultural activities in the kingdom, advised that the “supreme court” be asked for an opinion on the issue. The king out rightly rejected the advise stating that there is no court more “supreme” than the one in session at the moment. The king’s court unanimously agreed with the statement and passed a resolution demanding an inquiry into the matter of this other court which dares to call itself “supreme”. The resolution further demanded that Sir Toota Doodhwala’s credentials be checked, for he might be an agent of some previous king, kingpin or queen, who might still be under the influence of his previous master or mistress. The court immediately passed a rectification to the resolution limiting the inquiry of Sir Toota Doodhwala’s credentials to check if he is some previous master’s agent only. The matter of mistresses was a delicate one and might have compromised or jeopardized more than the court was willing to chew. Lord Patta Boota, a previous king’s chief advisor, now the court jester included in the court for his superior insight into matters of the kingdom, shouted from one end of the octagonal table, that indeed a task force was formed by him on an emergency basis and a report has been prepared outlining the causes and the remedy of the issue at hand.

The king asked Lord Patta Boota if he had been able to outline the causes and proposed remedy of the “new clothes” issue. To this, Lord Patta Boota replied “No”.

The king asked if the report pertains to the “supreme” court issue? “nay” was the reply again.

A bit agitated, the king demanded what the report pertained to. Lord Patta Boota replied that the inquiry report pertains to Sir Toota Doodhwala’s shady credentials. A conspicuous murmur broke out in the court.

Sir Toota Doodhwala immediately shouted “Liar Liar, into the Fire”.

Upon this all the courtesans started to rise from their seats in order to proceed towards the fire. The king was a seasoned master so he had already chained everyone to their seats so the courtesans could not walk away at any point. Thus order was secured by the pre-emptive judiciousness of the king.

With order restored, Lord Patta Boota continued that the report of the task force confirms that Sir Toota Doodhwala is in fact an agent of Emperor TT Kaka of the neighboring State of Dhamalistan. The court again broke out into a rumpus giving an indication of the part-time activities of most of the courtesans. Most of the courtesans performed in the kingdom’s royal circus, whereas some preferred to pose as animals at the local zoo during the break when the animals were having lunch.

Lord Patta Boota was warned by the king that if this report turns out to be a hoax, liars shall indeed be put into the fire. The entire court was uneasy on this statement but none said a word. Prudence promotes silence.

Lord Patta Boota, with the confidence of a tiger about to pounce on his prey, notified the court that infact the link between Sir Toota Doodhwala and Emperor TT kaka was a crystal clear ground reality. The report was ordered to be read. The report revealed that Emperor TT Kaka’s family had a tradition of rearing the best Monkeys that were to be found on the continent. One of the Donkeys that Sir Toota Doodhwala’s Dhobi (washman) used to pull his cart was a third generation descendant of one of Emperor TT Kaka’s family’s long dead Monkey. This time around the response of the court was that of shock and awe. The king immediately ordered the donkey to be tried for high treason, the wash man to be put into jail for life and other donkeys and monkeys to be registered with the computerized national donkey and monkey database authority. Complete records of all donkey’s and monkey’s pedigrees were to be maintained by them and would be randomly selected for audit by General Royal Accountant of the Kingdom. A comprehensive de-briefing program was also ordered to be put into place to neutralize any miscreant elements in the donkey and monkey psychology.

Sir Toota Doodhwala was given a mild warning and immediately relieved of his duties pertaining to cultural activities; as such important areas of official business can not be allowed to remain in the hands of a shady personality with marred reputation. Sir Toota Dooodhwala was however, allowed to continue his duties relating to foreign relations.

With the matter of the donkey and Sir Toota Doodhwala resolved, the court moved on to the matter of the “supreme court” and soon decided that it really doesn’t matter what that so called “supreme court” calls itself, as long as the real power remains with the court in progress. It was however noted that the “Brief justice”, the head of the so-called “supreme court” would be issued a warning in this regard.

With all the most urgent and important issues resolved, the court now moved onto the supplementary matter of the king’s “new clothes”. Ustad Raji, a notable advisor of the king now stood up and began to express his views, “I have been in the service of this court for quite a time now, I have served the present King’s grandfather when he was a barber, and the kings father when he became a king by marrying the princess. I have served other kings who temporarily took to power by overthrowing him and began to serve him again when he reclaimed his throne. Now I serve the present king. In all my years in service, I have observed that whenever any King’s authority was challenged, he immediately turned to the age old time tested strategies of our Martian kings whom we had been in contact with, over the ages.”

Ustad Raji continued, “The first and foremost of these strategies is Divide and Rule”

There was pin-drop silence in the court, all ears turned towards Ustad Raji who was in his own stride now.

“Divide and Rule I say. Every king in history has been exploiting the diversity of this land to Divide, and Rule and continued to rule the kingdom whenever masses have been gathering into a unified force on any issue.”

“To divide or not to divide is no longer the question. The question dear fellows is How to Divide?”

“We would tell the subjects that the crown has decided in the larger national interest that current climatic conditions are no longer acceptable to the kingdom. The desert areas are too hot and dry to ensure a comfortable life for the desert dwellers and the climatic conditions in the snowy mountains are too cold and icy for comfortable life there. Thus arises the need to meddle with Mother Nature.”

“We will tell them that we have come up with an ingenious royal plan for this purpose. We will commission the manufacturing of a device “The Klimatic Brand Divider” to achieve this goal. The KBD will either push the sun away or bring it closer dependent upon the will of the people. Thus if it brings the sun closer, the climate in the mountains will be much warmer and if it pushes the sun farther away, the climate in the deserts will be much cooler and pleasant.”

“We will inform the public that there is however, one minor glitch with the present scheme. When the sun is brought closer to make climate warmer in the mountains, the desert areas will be toasted and similarly when the sun is pushed farther away to make things cooler for the deserts, the temperature in the mountain areas will dip down instantly freezing all life present there.”

One of the courtesans, Chief Foolishly Flirt remarked, “Absolutely, absurd. !!! Where will we find the capacity to build such a device?”

The seasoned Ustad Raji replied “My dear, this is where experience comes in. We don’t need the capacity to build the device. We don’t even need the device. We will merely make the announcement that we intend to do so and invite public discussion over this matter”

“I assure you, your Royal Highness, that as soon as we break this issue to the public, they will start imitating us and will fight amongst themselves as we do. Thus the New Clothes issue will be forgotten by all and there will be no more stress for you. This will in turn mean that there will be no more stress on us. Hence, your Royal Highness, I hereby apply for my 364 Days annual Hibernation Vacation. Kindly grant me leave.”

Needless to say that Ustad Raji was granted the 364 days leave. The king was so pleased with him that for the next one year he also made Ustad Raji the minister for cultural activities, the post vacated by Sir Toota Doodhwala during the session.

We haven’t heard of any commotion over the king’s new clothes issue taking place in the kingdumb for the past few centuries.