What Drives Men and Women of Indian Subcontinent to Infidelity?

Infidelity amongst men and women in the Indian subcontinent makes me fear for my morality. It seems that there is a conspiracy of adulterers particularly in the midst of the Islamic communities of the Indian subcontinent. I observed the first signs of such activity within my own social circle. I began to observe attempts of some men to ingratiate themselves to some women like they were high school students. This was charming to witness until I began to consider the middle-aged nature of these men. It became sinister when I began to notice that most of the women were visibly uncomfortable by such attentions. The women would attempt to use their shawls to cover themselves and put on layers of clothing just to escape such unwanted attentions.

When I attained my belated puberty I was already in the middle of an American university on account of my completing my high school in an accelerated fashion (in eight months as opposed to four years). Needless to say I stumbled all over the women of my campus who ranged from backgrounds as diverse as Japan and Poland. It was the wrong thing to do but today I console myself by thinking that perhaps it was the lesser of two evils.

I say this because just yesterday I ran into a handsome, well dressed, educated Muslim youth who was watching photographs from a wedding. A woman in the photograph enchanted him. She turned out to be married. His reasoning for wanting her was because he had heard from someone that she was “not happy in her marriage”. I looked at the woman and she seemed like any other woman from the Indian subcontinent. She may have had more defined cheekbones and a slim figure (for married women from our part of the world) but there was nothing very special about her.

I tried to dissuade him and tried to tell him how men who lusted after married women were considered “losers” in the United States of America. I did not tell him that men who lusted after other men’s girlfriends were considered losers as well. I tried to tell him that if his life were fulfilling enough he would not even dream of breaking up another man’s marriage. I tried to exhort him to “get a life” or “get a hobby”. But I didn’t tell him all these things. I just told him about the businessmen in Manhattan who had rich fulfilling lives, models for girlfriends and how they didn’t care if a girl broke up with them or if they found another man’s wife attractive but “unhappily married”. I tried to tell him that maybe if he lived his life to the best of his ability (like the hard working businessmen of New York) he would not have such a lapse in moral judgment. But in the end I pitied him because he was in his mid twenties and most likely still a virgin. Maybe he did live his life to the best of his ability. Maybe it was something in our 20th century Islamic community that encouraged such behavior like the ancient Greek culture encouraged pederasts.

Just like the Roman Catholic Church’s policies led to child abuse I could see how the present day mores of our communities might encourage aberrant sexual behavior. Both the communities had believers demanded unrealistic deeds from their followers. The Roman Catholic Church expected their clergy to be celibate and the modern Islamic community expected their men to remain un involved with women until their mid to late twenties.

As I thought of this I remembered how when I was a teenager in the Middle East my neighbor boasted of sleeping with the wife of the cab driver who worked hard all day. I recalled how a classmate would try to assault our married school teacher or how another classmate would talk of “accidentally” grinding into a lady he called “Auntie”.

I recalled how as a growing teenager with raging hormones I myself had a crush on an older married British lady. She was not particularly attractive but when she wore her cardigan inside the British Consulate one could discern her rather excited anterior aureoles.

I recollected how an older married man tried to take advantage of my own teenaged cousin sister in the name of helping her. I recalled the look on his wife’s face as she cornered my aunt and told her “your daughter is going to break my house”. I remembered the time a married woman shook hands with me in a manner that made me visibly uncomfortable and the approving behavior of her husband made me even more self conscious. The memories that came bubbled to a conclusion.

Some communities encourage men to reach for the moon and other communities inspire men to round the Cape of Good Hope in their dhows. Some societies create men who trek the Canadian wilderness planting apple seeds while others give birth to men who would run bare feet through minefields for the triumph of “virtue”. Some people are blessed with men who would starve for the love of humanity and others give rise to men who would sequester themselves in their labs so they may save humanity.

But then there are communities that make morally inept men out of innocent children. When such men become numerous in our communities it gives rise to an anxiety in the more pious men. This anxiety and the sins of our brothers and our fathers causes the more balanced amongst us to adopt extremes of protectionist measures. For if you reside in a community of beasts who lack self-mastery and self control then you will build your house as a fortification to protect against the outsider but which can soon turn into a prison for the insider. If you dwell amongst morally deficient men you will all the more hastily drape your women in layers of clothing and restrict their movements.