Fly In The Soup

Farzana Versey

Here is something to spoil your day. A column to show you a way out. Or the way out…Because sometimes you have to look at the soup differently. We have got accustomed to things that whet our appetite, give us a warm tingling feeling, cure us, reassure us. But the potential to harm us, and make us realise that not everything we have taken for granted is what we wanted, lies within. Are your enemies the ones you want, are your friends true to you? Is the System you are a part of in anyway reflective of your ideology, do you know that the people you voted for have changed their political alliances and made you accept what you may not believe in? Why are cross-border terrorism and cross-over films being repackaged and sold to you as new phenomena when they have existed for years? These are things we need to ask, not merely as hungry diners or even gourmets, but as a fly would – soaked in the soup (in a soup?), she has traveled the distance from witness to participant. You may blame her and yourself, but don’t you feel helpless to belong where you do not wish to be?

Is this writer the fly, then? Indeed. No one swallows it, but even after discarding it, haven’t you lost your appetite for the meal? And have you not probed into the soup more closely to see if there are more flies, more of you perhaps? Life is not always what we ordered.

You do have the option of seeing this column another way. Like saying, “Fly in the soup!” And you shall have it. Whether it is piping hot or consommé cold, you will know when you read your own lips.

- Farzana Versey

Column Articles

The Argumentative Amartya? Oct 25, 2005

He may have rejected “voodoo economics”, but he paid his taxes to America. Cambridge glorified his work because it did not have to live with the reality he spoke and continues to speak about. So, what do we preen about?

Samosey mein aloo: why not Laloo? Oct 12, 2005

Dishonesty and corruption are a part of democratic politics. Laloo is upfront about both. You know where you stand with him, and you know where to place him.

Get off her back… Sep 14, 2005

We elect leaders; it is our job to tell them how they must run this country, to ask inconvenient questions. Arundhati Roy has done this effectively. Use of hyperbole and rhetoric may get the message across. It does not mean they are replacing dedication.

The Dance of the Damned Sep 7, 2005

'We Dalits are like animals. The moment we are born we are on our own. There is no support system. We are constantly made aware that we are apart.'

Mercy beau-coup? Aug 26, 2005

What do we know about Sarabjit Singh that we are ready to behave like beggars asking for mercy? It is now trendy to take up cross-border causes. It is political expediency and superficial bonhomie. Ordinary people should see through the game.

Through the Parsi Prism Aug 19, 2005

Why don’t Parsis express their opinion on general political matters? They can truly be non-partisan representatives of minorities. But there is a feeling they want to retain the purity of their race. Chances are, they won’t be a race for long.

Fleshened Bones Aug 8, 2005

It was always love for me. Let me hold you in my arms, Sister, mother, fellow bitch, I won’t applaud you for your spirit

How green is their valley? Jul 25, 2005

This was not 1947. People had begun to move things. Every Kashmiri Pandit had two-three bags. They were rehabilitated within a year. Our education is our strength. You won't find a jobless Pandit. Ghar khadey kar diye eik saal mein.

When Puppets Hide Behind Pomposity Jul 18, 2005

Journalism is full of the evils it accuses society of. The Press has in the past exposed leaders and even brought down governments.Ever heard about a media baron being at the receiving end?

Dance of the wolves Jul 5, 2005

No part of the temple has been damaged. But the red alert has been sounded. To protect temples and other religious places. Not human beings.

Are all Women Witches? Jun 28, 2005

We are witches because we read, we write, we fight. Yet it makes me angry that while the fancy witch can give tips on eternal youth and beauty, the suffering witch can still feel the revolting smell of faeces in her mouth

Bunty aur Babli: The latest RSS-BJP tango Jun 20, 2005

The con-game has been going on for over a decade.Advani was the RSS’ foot soldier who did all he could in Pakistan to lay the foundation for the return of Hindutva. He followed his brief well: Create confusion and fulfil the mission of the hardliner

Tales from Behind the Bar Jun 1, 2005

The bar dancers have come out in the streets to protest, some with the ends of their sarees covering their faces.I cannot imagine Pooja Devi covering her face. 'I broke a bottle and stood in front of one man's table,' she says.

The Book is also Just a Book May 23, 2005

Forget about killing myself. I felt no anger, no hurt, no disgust when I read the Newsweek report regarding the ’desecration’ of the ’holy Quran’. The Quran is at various levels merely a symbol, and an individual one at that.

Adultery Anonymous May 5, 2005

The Other Woman is a floozy? The Other Man is a slimeball? No. In fact, it could be you.

Soapbox Sania Apr 25, 2005

Is Sania Mirza changing the impression people have of Muslims? She is doing far worse than all the veiled women put together with her hypocrisy; she makes it appear that the on-court clothes she wears is due to compulsions so god will forgive her

The Sweltering Sky Apr 18, 2005

Why do I persist in standing transfixed, watching Amna, the little girl with big hands and big eyes, scrape a vessel of its shine? Why don’t I tell her to get out across the border and rot there instead of being an eyesore here?

The Meera Trinity Mar 29, 2005

The Pakistani Meera, Krishna’s Meera and the Mahatma’s Mira -- puppets or puppeteers?

The Criminal as Victim Mar 21, 2005

I am an Indian and I think that for once America has made absolutely the right decision. If we did not believe in a farcical democracy, we should even consider revoking Narendra Modi’s citizenship of India.

Such Anais Journey! Mar 7, 2005

How many of us women can accept the verdict of being the 'Madonna of St. Clitoris' or the 'Venus with an over-bite'? Anais Nin could because it was while clothed in words that she stood most naked.

Hell’s Angel Mar 3, 2005

Shoaib Akhtar has already won the series for Pakistan. How our neighbour fares on the field is immaterial; it has scored its victory by keeping the bad boy away.

Desperately Seeking Dictators and Dissenters Feb 15, 2005

Indians might want to celebrate the disclosure that the Pakistani leader is among the worst dicatators, but wait a minute. When was the last time we looked in the mirror? Do we truly believe the West is sparing us because we do not have problems?

Black Longings Feb 8, 2005

'Will you kiss me, please?' she pleaded. Are the desires and dreams of the disabled all bleak? I had spoken to two blind people to understand their concept of love and sex.Why should their needs and emotions be any different from ours?

If Godhra did not happen… Jan 27, 2005

Has the possibility of the kar sevaks being a suicide squad not occurred to anyone? Could they not have been terrorists out to create trouble?

Let’s talk to Mallika Sherawat’s Breasts Jan 4, 2005

Does that reduce her in any way? Do you know of any woman who has got silicon implants to help in research or because she wants to be a well-padded mamma to her nursing infant? Was Paula Jones wrong in posing nude to support her kids?

Hey JC, won’t you smile for me? Dec 20, 2004

Are we ready to believe that Jesus was not of virgin birth, he did not die on the Cross, he got married and was the father of three? As a woman, I find the idea of a male prophet who is vulnerable quite tantalising.

When Vagina met Viagra Dec 8, 2004

The moment he puts you in his mouth, I can feel her anticipation. And we wait. When it works they say it’s because of you, for when it doesn’t they can say the same too!

The Mystic Masseur Nov 23, 2004

How is ’finishing off’ a seer the same as finishing off Hindu society? If I had my way then I would most definitely book the Kanchi Swami for murder.

Deconstructing Durga Oct 31, 2004

She took away the privy purses, but kept the princes; spoke of social democracy but gave a fillip to the license permit raj. She thrived on strife. Operation Bluestar was based on lies. Bhindranwale was the Osama to Indira’s Bush. She had propped hi

When Darcy and Lalita get laid… Oct 13, 2004

The top-angle shots of the crowds with jiggling bellies and oxen bottoms clearly reveal that we have lusty Kumbh Mela mating with coitus interrupted Kama Sutra - neither reaches its ordained climax

The Doll’s House Sep 27, 2004

How can Hindus dare to point fingers at Muslim regressiveness when they have not been able to improve the lot of their own people?How can they talk disparagingly about Muslim ghettos when India is divided along regional, culinary, caste, status lines?

Mohammed Ali Jinnah Haazir Ho Sep 10, 2004

India lost out on Jinnah and Pakistan has chosen to lose him. Anger against him in India is due to the impression that he put the germ of the lost land in the romantic’s head and a niggling suspicion in the fundamentalist’s.

In Condom Country Sep 1, 2004

Shall I wear a condom tonight? Just want to play it safe. It looks good, feels snug and makes me shine. And it leaves no room for experimentation and dithering. Just go forth and conquer.

Manmohan Singh Ko Ghussa Aata Hai Kya? Aug 27, 2004

Vajpayee’s ’letter’ to the PM:They are calling you the rudest prime minister ever. This is your moment of glory. Enjoy it. Do something like what I did in Goa. If you can find someone like Narendra Modi in your party, life will be

Indian Womb, Pakistani Soil Aug 9, 2004

Dr. Hafsa Khan is flaunting her son as a Pakistani. If she is deported will she forgo the child? Would that child be recognised as a Pakistani? Would her husband want that child? Would she then have the right to claim him to be an Indian?

An Open Letter to Jemima Khan Jul 20, 2004

Many celebrated alliances in the West have fallen apart due to straying and jealousy. But you, Jemima, were one neat shoulder from which to fire the gun at the ‘jihadis’.

The Triple Conspiracy Jul 1, 2004

On July 4, the All-India Muslim Personal Law Board is likely to adopt a resolution scrapping the ’triple talaq’. Many Islamic countries, including Pakistan, do not follow the system. Even within India, there are differing opinions. But the sys

Careless Consciences Jun 15, 2004

Vajpayee is invoking the inner voice. And if the Mahatma could use it, then it ought not to surprise anyone that Sonia Gandhi is resorting to it too.

Bring on The Empty Horses May 10, 2004

They are the new face of Indian politics. The branding of democracy with a stamp of supra-populism. The marketplace where you do not need to buy masses to listen to speeches, but to purchase the glamour of fringe stars

Haraam Bombay Apr 28, 2004

It wrenched my heart to see the city of my dreams and my life look like a patheticwax work. They talk about tits as though Bombay does not know about them.

Murder on Helm Street Mar 31, 2004

Under the BJP regime, democracy is dying. The “Vision Document 2004” is a sure case of “mooh mein Ram, bagal mein chhooree”. It is such a sly piece of garbage.

Unbinding India Mar 16, 2004

“The heroes here are not the Gandhis and Nehrus but the banias…Hindutva is such an impoverished image of our past. Spirituality is only one strand. There is medicine, astronomy, mathematics.”

A Brief History of Lies? Jan 28, 2004

Stephen Hawking is a respected and renowned scientist. He is also the latest tragedy king. It is said Elaine, his wife, has been rough with him. Couldn’t Hawking be kinky?

Can Pasta Become Paratha? Jan 17, 2004

When we flaunt a Praveen Togadia who is shoving Hindu heritage down our throats, why must we have a problem with a woman who talks about Indian culture?Sonia Gandhi certainly has more of a right to speak on behalf of the country than the NRIs.

My SAARC Diary Jan 6, 2004

The Indian journalists in Pakistan have been behaving as though they are in a mela with candy floss in their hands. Everything looks pink and rosy, or perhaps it does not, and they are merely enjoying the weather.

Why is Santa Not a Woman? Dec 19, 2003

Have you seen him cry? Have you seen him complain and crib? Have you seen him lose his temper? Have you seen him throw a tantrum? Have you seen him get hysterical?

Taslima’s Lies, Ismat’s Truth Nov 21, 2003

Taslima Nasreen has written a book about the men she has slept with. Yet, if there is any woman who enjoys bondage, it is she. She is the candle to Ismat Chugtai’s wind.

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