lahoris are Weird part 2

On the other hand there are the poor people. Ofcourse, some are more poor than others. They spend their time playing cricket, flying kites and sending out the vibe to Indian movie actresses. A pretty interesting existence if you ask me. Most of these are are very good cicketers andthey are definitely very good at chiimooRing kites. The less poor peoplehave motercycle with really loud horns and they hang out in small billiard clubs. They play cricket with a tape ball (it hurts, trust me) and not just any tape ball. It has to be Nitto tape, preferably red ’cause its easier to see. And while I am at it, I might as well tell you that there
are a lot of fake Nitto tapes out-don’t be fooled. The fake Nitto is
spelled ’Nito’. It gives out after the first over. They play cricket
everywhere! On the streets, playgrounds, rooftops, and parking lots. Rules are very strictly followed and they usually favour whoever owns the bat and ball (That’s the only thing you need to play cricket-Plus tape if you are into hard core street cricket). As people grow up, they get better at cricket and they stop bringing their cricketing stuff out to play.
Bringing the bat and ball is usually left for a young up and coming
cricketer who is not a good player, who can only survive if he owns the stuff. That way he can get more then one "Baree" (turn). If you have ever played cricket in these circumstances, you probably know how Pakistan comes up with so many good fast bowlers. Playing on a dirt track (grass can’t grow anywhere where there are 11 teams playing cricket 19 hours a day) reduces the effective speed of a ball by about 90%. So you have to use every ounce of your strength to make the ball reach the other end at a reasonable pace. Once it reaches the other end it is greeted by a very impatient man who’ll probably be kicked out of the batting line up physically forced to retire) if he doesn’t hit a boundry.

Result: A man comes running in and hurls a tennis ball wrapped in
insulating tape at approximatly 90 miles per hour. It reaches the other end of the pitch in less than a second where another man, who is unable to open his eyes because he is putting everything he has in his swing, swings the bat in a wide arc. This raises a huge cloud of dust which makes it impossible for his team mates to see what is going on. Usually what follows is pretty predictable.

A. The bat comes down hard enogh to kill a raging bull by one the
boundary. The batsman’s teammates rush in and congratulate him and tell him that he is the greatest. And they yell "Alloo Alloo" (Potato Potato) at the other team. The bowler is told by every member of his team that he is a worthless by-product of humanity and isn’t fit to go on. Sometimes he is also told that he should come back later after he has grown some hair on his balls.

B. The bat comes down hard enogh to kill a raging bull by one blow,doesn’t connect to anything and whooshes by the ground. If the ball goes into the stumps (Usually a chair or two bricks on the ground. Hard core cricketers have iron stumps with a stand and everything) the bowler’s teammates rush in and congratulate him and tell him that he is the greatest. And they yell "Alloo Alloo" (Potato Potato) at the other team.
The batsman is told by every member of his team that he is a worthless by-product of humanity and isn’t fit to go on. Sometimes he is also told that he should come back later after he has grown some hair on his balls.

C. The The bat comes down hard enogh to kill a raging bull by one blow, doesn’t connect to anything and passes by harmlessly (Unless it hits the wicket keeper where he has been trying to grow some hair-in which case the game is temporarily suspended while people from all the teams, and other neighbouring teams rush in and offer their services to "do" his future wife ’cause he probably won’t be able to do it!). The bowler is given a small compliment by the captain and told to keep it up. The batsman is warned that if he does this again he will be retired.

D. The bat comes down hard enogh to kill a raging bull by one blow, and connects to the batsman’s knee. There is a loud crack and everybody thinks it’s a six (Remember? Lots of dust?) When the dust clears everybody sees the batsman laying on the ground with his posterior pointing towards the heavens and making very obscene sounds. The game is temporarily suspended while people from all the teams rush in and make fun of the "Loola" (Cripple) and tell him that he’ll never be able to walk again for the rest of his life. Some also think it’s a good opportunity and offer their
services to "do" his future wife, or hold her down while he does it. It’s a very competitive and violent game. Don’t go into it unless you think you can stand the heat.