When You Need a Chamcha, Who U Gonna Call ?

"Abdulllll! paani lao!. Shahbaaz! kaanta lay kar aao!.
Aaj table par jam kiyouN nahi hai ?. Chai thanDi ho gai
hai, garam kar kai lao. Sabir! gate kholo. Maasi, pocha
sai nai lagiya aj..." and so it goes. But for the help
of servants, goes the middle-class Pakistani family.

The greatest tragedy to befall a household in the east,
is the sudden resignation of a servant. The housewife
suffers the most, since she is obliged to pick up any
slack till the replacement arrives. Majaal hai kai the
marD hazraaT will lend a hand. "Kabhi kisi marD nai bhee ghar ka kaam kiya hai! ?".

One of my relatives recently moved abroad with his fam.
Before his departure the most common dig from people who
came to see him was, "WahaN kaam khuD karna paRTa hai
miaN!, nuakar-nooker nahi hooNgay!". He was unperturbed.
"Koi nai jee, kar laiNgay". He explained that the reason
he cannot wash his car himself here, was that all the
servants in the ’hood would see him and lose their respect
for him. "Yea saab Tou khuDi naukar bana hoa hai bechara!".

That’s it, innit ?. We cannot do this, or that work, kai
yea Tou unn logouN kai kaam haiN. I came to visit Pakistan
some time back and I saw that a part of the terrace was
dirty, so NATURALLY, I picked up a jhaaRo and started to
clean that area, not knowing the repercussions. "NA! NA! NA!"
...they all swooped like eagles upon me, the ghar-mafia.
"Kiya kar rahey ho! ?, agar paRosiyouN nai Deekh liya Tou
hamari mitti paleeD ho jai gee!".

I admit it. Living in the west has done a number on me.
Now I am used to picking up after myself. Kaanta, chamcha
ya glass chahiyea ho, Tou I get up and get it, myself. I
like the way shirts turn out when I iron them, myself. I
think its creepy when strangers come into my room, in my
absence, to dust my stuff. Slowly, your Daira-e-IkhTiyaar
shrinks around you, until all you CAN do is sit around and
give orders.

And it is so inviting to lose your way and start feeling
comfortable in this self-imposed state of helplessness.
Currently, I am breaking the rules and disturbing the system.
The Borg* wants me to assimilate: "Akhir hum inko iTnay sarey
peysay kis cheez kai liyea DeyTay haiN, Chilli ?". BaaT
Tou yea bhee sahi hai...

I don’t know how much longer I can hold out, alone.


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*[The Borg is a race of androids, all joined at the hip in Star Trek
who kill you and then make you part of the Borg family]