Khayalaat e pareeshaaN

Catch_Out’s thread on unplugged was a searing reminder of memories of my lost mother. It has been more than a decade since she passed away, but there are so many occasions when I think of her and wish she lived a little longer. I have long thought about putting these thoughts in writing, Maybe today is the day to jot down a few lines

Last time I saw her was in August 1991. I was returning to college after a summer spent at home. The carcinoma turned deadly that summer. She was reduced to a waif, on the verge of losing her two year battle with cancer. We knew it. She knew it as well.

She was weak to the point of not being able to stand up by herself. I bent down to give her a goodbye embrace, and felt her gaunt, shaking hands holding my arm tightly, as if telling me with grim determination to be strong. But her eyes told another story. They were filled with indescribable sadness. My heart sinks today when I think of that last moment. She felt my body, as if to make sure she remembers what I felt like. And I tried to remember my mother’s caring touch as she held my face to take a good look at me one last time. I couldn’t hold it any more. I broke down in the soft comfort of her hands.

Two months later she passed away. It has been a long time. But once in a while there are occasions when I desperately hope that she were alive. She had big dreams for her children. We were her life, and she gave every ounce of strength in her body, sacrificed every comfort, to secure a better future for us. Some of her dreams didn’t come true. Many did.

I will write some other time about her delightful sense of humor, her hilarious pranks, her will of steel, almost irrational perfectionism, and bottomless generosity. Heaven knows we can all learn so much from it. But Catch Out asked us to send an SMS to our Mom on mother’s day. So here is my SMS:

I talked to A the other day and we talked about how happy you’d be, if you were here. Your children have done well. Everything they have or will ever have, they owe it to you. And this teary-eyed son would give anything to be able to tell you that in person.


Folks…every moment you have with your parents is a blessing.