snow flakes or mushroom flakes

...would appreciate feedback for revision. this is an experiment. the first poem is repeated again with added nuances. read on you will know. would appreciate honest feedback. click on the link or email. thanks -t

snow flakes or mushroom flakes

a lazily floating snow flake
glided past my window
a white nebulae in reach
waltzing poodle’s ears
but this sliver is different
it did not descend the white carpet
just lazily floated from one end
of my nightmare to the other

a mushroom cloud
showering shivering silence
--invention of the wheel
to the proliferation
a downward spiral
in death and mutilation
mistaken for progress

a cotton snow flake
dabbed with attar
rolled into a pinch sized ball
and ensconced in helix
would not have bothered
if I could have maintained
my respectful distance
no, not possible
at 35,000 feet
that pungent redolence
creating an everest lava-ache

another cotton snow flake
four of them really
size of moth balls
rolled and crushed
placed in nostrils and ears
--a final closure

other pure white snow flakes
continue to fall on the road
and transform to slush

snow flakes!

* * * *

… have repeated the same poem this time with some highlighted words…this is an experiment…am adding nuances and further dimensions to the poem…the highlighted words in this poem as separate urdu poems that would add nuance and meaning to the original...er i hope.

* * * *

snow flakes or mushroom flakes

a lazily floating snow flake
glided past my window
a white nebulae in reach
waltzing poodle’s ears
but this sliver is different
it did not descend the white carpet
just lazily floated from one end
of my nightmare to the other

a mushroom cloud
showering shivering silence
--invention of the wheel
to the proliferation
a downward spiral
in death and mutilation
mistaken for progress

a cotton snow flake
dabbed with attar
rolled into a pinch sized ball
and ensconced above middle ear
would not have bothered
if I could have maintained
my respectful distance
no, not possible
at 35,000 feet
that pungent redolence
creating an everest lava-ache

another cotton snow flake
four of them really
size of moth balls
rolled and crushed
placed in nostrils and ears
--a final closure

other pure white snow flakes
continue to fall on the road
and transform to slush

snow flakes!

* * * *

nightmare
a’las’sub’h kal dabay qadmoun youN kaun chala aaya meray dil maiN?
bundh dareechay, bar’f her soo’, khunki, aur tapish oos ki baanhouN ki
taqaza e mehman nawazi say jo majboor honay lagay hum
‘phir koi d’rao’na khaab dekha hay? aao aaghosh maiN aajao!’

progress
maalik ko zara awaaz daina bhai
zaroorat hay oos ko ghulamouN ki
hum jo sadaa khilaouN maiN taktay haiN
humaiN bhi ik maalik ka hay intizaar

lava-ache
um’r zayah kardaitay haiN lOg
muhabbat ki joostujoo maiN
itna pyar paya qismet say
kodak moment hay her lamha
youN hee hum maray jatay haiN!

closure
muskurahatouN ka bundh, aansoo’ouN kay sailab kO
ik aur Kodak moment maiN aisay piro daita hay
kay siskiyouN ka shOr o fughaaN, hasratouN ki jheel
pyasi dharti ka daimi khwaab e hasrat banta hay

slush
"aao, chalay aao"
"aao, chalay aao"
maiN pukarta raha
hal’q mera khushk hu’a
ak’s munjamid raha