Am i Mad??

I haven’t slept with my husband for eight months. That is if I don’t count six weeks ago when we ended up staying at a relative’s house. We were given a bedroom to share; the alternative was for my husband to sleep on the sofa in their living room, which would have appeared very strange to them. By the time I went up to the bedroom, my husband was already in Cuckoo land, my efforts for a snuggle and cuddle were welcomed with my husband sleeping outside the blanket. and then he just lay on the floor the remaining hours of the night. I hardly slept, left the bedroom as early as I could so he could have some sleep on the bed, which he would never have done with me in it. When the time came for us to leave for home, my car being the transport home as his was at the garage he chose to catch a train rather then sit with me in my car.

So what may have happened to bring this incident on? Could it be a lover’s tiff, a domestic row over his mother outstaying her welcome, me being too friendly with a male acquaintance, or maybe his clothes had not been washed and ironed.
No the reason why my husband and me have drifted apart is because he wants me to leave him.
Why? You ask. The answer is I don’t know. He refuses to give a reason, except that we are two different people who got married with consent thought we were compatible but guess what we are not. So now lets just both go our separate ways. All the best Emma, but I’m sorry I cant give you what you want. I don’t want to live with you….
So how am I to react…leave him, or stick around when he has left me living at his brother’s place until I come to my senses pack my bags and leave for my parents house.
Initial reaction to hell with him.
Let me tell you about myself. I have a law degree, and got married straight out of University. My Prince Charming is no other then my Bhabi’s brother. Yes I made the mistake of getting married in a “Watta Satta”. Reason for doing so, my Prince Charming is a very successful Businessman, soundly established at the age of 27.Good looking well spoken and most importantly…wanting to marry me. During my last summer break from University, I came home to spend my holiday that’s when Jawad proposed. I was shocked, for I never thought he liked me in that way. I asked for some time thought about, made the mistake of consulting my mother & my Bhabi who were all for it, so I accepted. I have always been a jolly friendly and sensible sort of a girl. Belonging to a Syed family, I knew my parents would never let me marry out of family. I considered myself lucky to have someone in my life without much hassle or heartache, as I never had bothered myself with getting involved with anyone.
Jawad was excited about the wedding, he showed me off to all his friends and relatives. To have a beautiful, educated virgin bride is every guy’s dream I think. Which he seemed happy with at the time.
So we get married…I realize my husband has too many business trips away from home, I complain he explains the complexities of his work, I try to understand.
This went on for a few months with my nagging every now and then for him to try to come home rather then stay at hotels three days a week. Belonging to an educated family unlike my in-laws ( just rags to riches) I have a sophisticated way of doing things. It may seem normal to many of you but having three course meals with starters is not a trend in my in laws! To which I was classed too modern and outgoing. New York maybe in Amreeka but for my husband he wanted me to live like it was Pind Dhadan Khan. As I have been brought up in America with occasional trips to Karachi, to meet the extended family I have no hang-ups or complexes about who I am. I know I’m a Pakistani, but while living in New York Iv never sheltered myself from what’s happening around me. Went to University Parties, never drank booze or did drugs did not appreciate others doing it either. But did not shy away from it, took it in my stride, and accepted others way of living as they did mine.
Jawad on the other hand is a very liberal guy when it comes to himself, drinks, takes his occasional weed, eyes up gals, pretty much the usual , which I came to discover after our marriage.
Back to the issue at hand…one day after he returned form his one-week trip to Amsterdam, I asked him to sit down and sort this mess of a life out. I’m not allowed to work, leave the city and spend more than $100 dollars a week, in return for him not coming home. Its just not working I said, you have to give me time, we have all the money in the world, but I’m not allowed to have any, I thought you wanted to live with me. Not just to get married have a wife at home so you come for the weekend, get your clothes washed and ironed give her the once a week “ khorak” and leave. Its not acceptable I told him. He then asked me to leave if I don’t like it. I called his parents over and told them what there son had been up to, as if they were blind and didn’t know. They blamed me for being too modern and expected too much from my husband, weekly khorak, $100 and freedom to drive a car was getting to my head.I was insulted and called begarat for wearing western clothes when going shopping or on outings with friends. I was confused. Hang on. He’s the one not coming home, receiving late night phone calls, he’s the one with casino memberships not ME!

Jawad then went to see my parents and told them I have issues with your daughter ask her not to question me regarding my work. So my brother then had a word with Jawad and asked what the problem was, he asked my brother to take me back home as I am not the right girl for him. I’m stopping her from becoming someone; she’s not what Im looking for in life. I cant give her what she wants…Jawad’s excuses.
My brother told me to pack up and leave. I decided not to. My parents also asked me to leave him and move back in with them I said no. Jawad packed his bags and moved to California where he has some business projects going on. I asked my brother whether this would affect his marriage he said “ I love my wife and two daughters” but I also love you, if you come back. She goes back!
No way…im not ready to be the one who splits up my brothers house. My parents have made it clear that is not going to happen. There is no way they will ask Bhabi to leave…but my brother…will never be the same with her. My parents will never be the same with her…just because her brother is not ready to commit to his marriage.
So I decided to stick around…because above all. I love him. He is my husband yes I did argue with him. Ask for time..Nag him if women called. When he did not pick up my calls at night when he was away. But I never want to leave him.
I’ve been living without him for the past six months with his occasional visit asking me to leave; whenever I call him he says the same. Its not going to work we should end it…but I’m not ready to.
Im working in a law firm now as I had graduated top of my class and am a very confident, and bright person, with a future ahead of me if I chose to leave him but I am still waiting for him to come to his senses. My parents still ask me to come back. . Iv said No…I’m not going to leave him and don’t visit them much. His parents still talk bad of me behind my back but condemn him in front of me..…As for Jawad he still say the same,“Emma please leave me …why don’t you?

This 18 month marriage has took so much out of me… Am I mad to stay and wait for him to come to his senses? … To think he will change his mind…Is there any hope?