COUNTRY PICKS KING BASED ON SIZE OF HIS PRIVATE parts

THE TINY principality of Tonzanique has a unique way of choosing its king and queen. It picks them by the size of their sex organs!

"We believe that the man with the biggest penis is the one who will protect us best," says Tonora Kihali, Tonzanique’s Minister of Information.

"And believe me, the king we have now will keep us VERY safe," Kihali sighs.

Tonzanique was once a British colony, but it rebelled in the 1800s.

"Our greatest warrior, Colin Silver, almost single-handedly beat the British, and was known for his legendary endowment."

After Tonzanique won its independence, they anointed Silver king. Unfortunately, Silver married his sister, who was also extremely well-endowed -- with DDD-size breasts.

"They sired six children, all of whom were feeble-minded -- and physically unremarkable."

The offspring weren’t fit to rule, so Tonzanique decided to change how it picked a king and queen.

"We decided to go with what got us independence in the first place," Kihali says. "A prodigious package."

Whenever the king dies, men and women each compete in the three-day "Festival of Gonads" to pick their new rulers.