Exposed: friend - an ISI dreg

The on-going smear campaign by an interactor ’friend’ against the venerated and highly respected posters like Mr. Manto, Mr. Tahmed and Mr. Arjun, forced Chowk staff to institute an enquiry. Mr. Khamkhwa and Mr. Delhiwala were entrusted the responsibility of getting to the bottom of the issue (no pun intended) and establishing any links between friend’s threads and recent bombings in London, Jagdish Tytler’s resignation and use of obscene language on Chowk.

The composition of the enquiry panel was consciously made 50-50 for Indians and Pakistanis, keeping the fragile sensibilities of Chowkies in mind. The choice of two upright individuals allayed apprehensions of malpractices - a chronic congenital disease which most Desis are afflicted with. After 3-1/2 hours of keyboard-breaking searches, the success of the mission was established by the unmistakable ’Aaho!’ sound which boomed from the Unix lab specially setup for this job.

A reassuring smile firmly plastered on his face, the head of the panel Mr. Khamy walked soberly to the press room. En-route, he gently smiled at the ladies and nodded sedately in the direction of gents. After 5 minutes, which seemed like eternity to some, he took his designated place at the centre of the table, and addressed the inquisitive reporters and Chowkies, thus – “The current rise in attacks against eminent Chowkies has been found to be the handiwork of ISI”. No sooner had the sentence been completed, the hall was filled with varied reactions of ‘aah’, ‘oh’, ‘eh’, ‘tch’ and the indomitable ‘aaho’. Mr. Arjun looking serene in his three-piece suit gave an ‘I knew it’ smile to his neighbour Mr. Cayenne, who was getting increasingly restless. He remarked in his inimitable style, “Bitch! Can’t he get over with this fast? I want to go check out the latest car launches”. “I’ve figured, how much you know about cars”, jibed Mr. Shobig seated in the row behind Mr. Cayenne.

Mr. Omar, casually dressed in his ‘Jai Ram Jee ki’ embroidered kurtas bought from Varanasi and Pepe Jeans, shook his head in dismay. Even though the judgement was not complete, he knew what was coming.

Mr. DM and Temporal, seeing this bedlam, decided to step in and restore decorum to the hall. Mr. Delhi expressed his thanks to the two gentlemen for being good Chowkies and requested Mr. Khamy to proceed.

Khammy (clearing his throat) – Friends err Doston! We were able to establish a pattern in the current spate of mudslinging campaigns against respected Chowkies – this is emanating out of the research camps set by ISI, Indian Statistical Institute…