Where’s The Beef @ This Year’s Emmys ?

The Emmy’s are being telecast live on the E! Channel today. I could not
help but notice the similarities that an event like that has, with a dog show.

I mean, these Hollywood actresses are brought-in, just like prized poodles
at a kennel club. One of them is led to a dias where a handler shows her off
(makes small-talk), while the next poodle in-line is shown alighting from a
limo onto the red carpet, in a cut-screen. Some are tall and lean, others are
short and stubby. They are all vying for the same prize and willing to pay
the price of fame:

They stand there, on their tippy-toes, with their poofed-up hair, manicured,
pedicured digits, showered and dusted with talc. The photographers tell
them how to pose for pictures and they oblige willingly. "Sexy! give us a
sexy pose Nicollete!" and Nicolette Sheriden immidiately becomes a coy
seductress. "Roll over Fido! Roll Over!...good boy!". She goes on, until
it’s the turn of the next poodle behind her, to go through the same motions.
All these women have been put on special diets and exercise regimen, to lose
weight. So that 40 year old mothers can now look like highschool sex-kittens.

Some have obviously overdone it. Teri Hatcher from Desperate Housewives,
Debra Messing from Will and Grace, to name a couple.




Teri Hatcher looks like death warmed-over. You can see the rotator-cuff
ligaments in her shoulder joint. Her eyes stare at you blankly from hollow
sockets. Her skin looks withered and diseased, pulled tightly over her
skeleton. I happened to glance at a chubby looking girl, quite ordinary
looking, standing in the background and the comparison was striking.
She looked healthy, radiant and her skin was glowing. She looked alive,
while Teri Hatcher, star of Desperate Housewives looked ready to keel
over and die any minute. You almost want her to, because looking like
she does, it might be for the better.

I hope these women wise-up and start eating and living right. If that
means a little flab, some love-handles, I more than welcome that look
over the Crypt Keeper’s. Better a jiggle and a roll, than a crackle and
a pop.


PS: I am not sure Star Parker has had all her shots. She looked
like a giant Gulab Jaman, with teeth, wrapped in a purple velvet curtain.
Gee, I hope she doesn’t bite any of the nominees this year.