Bumper Stickers

Very Funny Scotty, now beam up my clothes...

Madness takes its toll--please have exact change ready.

Stamp Out Crime - Abolish the IRS

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Cover me. I’m changing lanes.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Your kid may be an honor student, but you’re still an IDIOT!

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

When there’s a will, I want to be in it!

It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Forget about World Peace....visualize using your turn signal.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Born free... taxed to death.

Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

Don’t blame me! I didn’t vote!

My Kid Beat Up Your Honor Student!

If you’re not angry, you’re not paying attention!

This car is not abandoned!

I STOP FOR NO APPARENT REASON.

"KEEP HONKING".... I’M RELOADING

Enjoy Life - Eat Out More Often

My wife’s other car is a broom.

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, then baffle them with bullshit.

I’m out of bed and dressed....What more do you want.

I don’t have an attitude problem...You have a perception problem.

One good thing about Alzheimer’s is you get to meet new people every day.

I want to die while asleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

Kentucky: Five Million People, Fifteen Last Names.

It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?

Hard work pays off later, laziness pays off now!

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Don’t get married. Find a woman you hate and buy her a house.

I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better!

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

The trouble with life is there’s no background music.

If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.

When blondes have more fun do they know it?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.

I don’t discriminate, I hate everyone!

Constipated people don’t give a crap.

If at first you don’t succeed...blame someone else and seek counseling.

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying "No Hard Feelings".

If you can read this, I’ve lost my trailer.

It’s not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger.

Life is too short. Don’t be a dick.

I cant remember if I’m the good twin or the bad one.

I may be fat, but you are ugly and I can lose weight.

So many cats.....so few recipes.