Sensex crosses 10000, I feel European, almost

From today’s Indian Express . . .

http://www.expressmoney.in/full_story.php?content_id=62728 &type=ei



www.expressmoney.in Monday, february 13, 2006 THE INDIAN EXPRESS GROUP



FLIP SIDE

Nonsensex !

Veeresh Malik

Posted online: Sunday , February 12, 2006 at 1034 IST

Since the time I was asked to write this piece, I have criss-crossed the country on work, mostly by air, but also to some extent by road and rail. So in the nature of things, since I usually write on motoring, and considering the value that most people give surveys and such-like black magic rituals, I present here the first and only dipstick result on this whole business of the Sensex crossing 10,000. Due to laws of transactions, most of these queries were placed to people at locations connected with transportation of human beings.

The question put to everybody was: how will the Sensex crossing 10,000 impact you?

• Emaciated junkie type man with two flunkies selling fake bottled water at Delhi Airport AAI stall: it is all about paying more for less. I will have to increase the price of the one-litre bottle to Rs 40 and reduce the quantity to 650 ml. Investor share value will go up, so will PE ratio. Low-cost airline passenger want water at market price, Pappu will have to break water-cooler machine again — that is called strategic marketing. (Digs nose)

• Men in dark blue sweaters sleeping on sofa at Delhi airport manager’s office, chewing paan and holding ‘airport manager is not available’ board: oh ho, very good, Sharmaji, we must tell Comrades, our salary should be linked to Sensex. Hopefully now, anti-national media showing garbage, what will foreigners and VIPs think, they will have something else to do. So much video of strike, why camera people not cover dancing of wedding season, that is also improving Sensex, no?

• Fine young lady at check-in counter making me wish I was 30 years younger: my boyfriend is a lawyer, you know, and he ends up going to Mumbai every day now, you know, for all these share market things, returning very late, you know, and I have to, you know, come on morning shift so early, you know, it is all so irritating, my life is ruined, you know, Sensex-nosex, you know, in Bombay it is all because of Preity and Urmila, you know.

• Media guy, now in PR, standing in security line saying “you know who I am” to CISF jawan: Basically, this means our workload and billing is going to shoot up because India is now blah paradigm shift blah upward economic revival blah centre of the universe blah. But tell me, is it true that Coretta has left Tass to join Vivendi for a 2 crore salary, I won’t tell anybody, can you put in a word for me, you can trust me.

• Post-botox PR lady, now hotshot media analyst, parked on window seat in Jet Airways lounge at Mumbai, talking to women bankers we see in media regularly, all surrounded by faces we also see in media regularly, all listening attentively: Hai Veeresh, you are so naughty no, I was saying no to Nainaji and Kalpanaji, some sectors will do well in a resurgent India no, and some sectors will see a correction in a resurgent India, no? Mmmm, (waves at Nina) this Chemin Muscat is good, Shivnath, can you please get me one more, there’s a sweet lad, no? Oh there’s Hormazd, yoo-hoo, my desi-Merc has packed up again, so irritating, really strange no, all this BIFR-type company and still Sensex crossed 10000? Ketan bhai, khem cho, how this happen, yes?

• Taxi driver on Mumbai-Pune seat-taxi route: Strange question sahib. Thin people travel from Pune to Mumbai, fat people travel from Mumbai to Pune, look at yourself. People go to Bombay, make money out of thin air, increase consumption, now Manmohan Singhji is happy. But for me, penalty from rastaa-panchayat union leaders for even small accident with baby goat gone up to 3,000 rupees, seems it is now linked with Sensex. (You have to know Raigad district to understand this one.)

• Badminton-playing childhood friend, also amateur classical singer and high-end audiophile, in Pune, who makes a livelihood out of rental income and playing the share market: Yes, this is good for me. I have made a lot of profit this year. But this business of paying tax on these profits, kai boltos, this is nonsense on the part of the government. I got to go now, and open 200 more savings accounts today, thankfully the cooperative banks are still cooperating.

• Young people working in software company: we got cousins and friends who took loans against shares the last time the market went up, and they are busy working their backsides off to repay them, while those companies have gone off the map. By the way, you think this means interest rates will fall, we are looking to buy a third flat, and haven’t been able to rent out the first two as yet, but property market is also shooting up, is this Sensex like that?

I will have to raise the price of the 1-litre bottle to
Rs 40 and reduce the quantity to 650 ml. Share value will go up, so will PE
• Toll operator on NHAI Golden Quadrilateral: toll has gone up again, to Rs 3 a km. Yes, I know, the government website says 40 paise, but this is also like the Sensex. It is our highway, no one else is allowed to make, and so we raise prices because we can and it has no relevance to reality. Please move on, those in queue behind you with no option but to pay up are the signs of a booming economy.

• She Who Knows Everything: Hey you, fatso, this market thing is for Republicans, get off your Democratic Party symbol and get into bed so that we can take our sen-sex past 10,000?

And that, in my humble opinion, was the best response I got. But then again, I forgot to ask my paanwallah.

Veeresh Malik wishes you luck, and informs you that he bought shares once in his lifetime, in the 1980s, and almost all those companies vanished. He does observe that many of those promoters are still around.