A six step process to cleaning up Mumbai...

Extreme situations call for extreme measures. And so I propose a rather radical, but ultimately effective approach, to solving filth problems in Mumbai:

1- Forced sterilization of all males above the age of 18. A lower population means fewer people defecating along railroad tracks

2- An aerial spray of DDT across the length and breadth of Mumbai

3– Proper burial of aborted female fetuses. This will significantly reduce clogging of the sewage system.

4- Burning of cinemas which show movies that promote a false rosy view of India and its cities. Its a view that shows Swedish looking indian actresses frolicking around in parks. No, in reality you cant step in what passes for a park in India without stepping on someone’s excrement.

5- A moratorium on bride burning for environmental reasons. A bride is burned every 77 minutes in India resulting in poor air quality. The smoke that rises from mumbai houses in the morning is not that of breakfast being prepared, its because an indian bride is most likely to burn between the hours of 8:00 a.m. and 10:00 a.m.

6- Targeted assassination of Lalu Parsad. I know this has nothing to do with Mumbai’s filth problems. But I have this bad habit of slipping in my personal agenda in all proposals.

A toast to a healthy and hygienic Mumbai!